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Whitley's Story

Hmm..I'm not really sure that I have a story yet, but I'll tell you what I can. I guess I started dabbling with anorexia last September. Most of my friends were going on diets, but they didn't seem to work for me. So I thought Anorexia would be an easy way... I found that it was the only way. I lost weight quickly. My friends became worried, so I started gaining weight back. The feelings are back, and i don't want to fight them anymore. I would greatly enjoy it if you accepted my membership. Hope to hear from you soon. whitley17@hotmail.com
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Gena's Story

Well my name is gena and im 17. Ive been Ana for roughly 7 years and some Mia in between. When I was 10 my family life became less than stable and I simply stopped eating. Of course i didnt realize what i was doing at the time but at that age i really didn't know any other way of expressing what i was going through. My mother had no clue what was going on because she was in her own world so i was left to do my own thing. She is also very perfectionistic and controlling so i developed my anorexia as a means of my own control. Even though she controlled every aspect of my life i still had control over whether i ate or not. When i was 12 i moved to a new school because i had to live with my grandparents for a while and i was the most popular girl in the entire town. My mom was out of the picture at the time and i felt very alone when a girl at school asked me to help her with detaching herself from one of her friends. Being the caring person i am i started to help her and eventually became consumed in her problems. We were a terrible influence on each other-she was mia and i was ana..through the two years i lived there i built up her self esteem so much that in the end she totally destroyed me. My mom came back and we moved back to my hometown and upon returning to my old groups of friends i tried to snap myself out of my ed. i gained some weight back but then last year i started restricting again. So i guess thats the story up until now, hopefully ill have more to add a little later. gena5221@pghmail.com
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Reily's Story

I've been stuggeling with weight issues since I was 12. I found out that my mother who has had 4 children doesn't even weigh 100lbs. I wanted to loose weight so bad, I wanted to be thiner than my mother. I tried a vegetarian diet, I tried drinking water and eating fruits only and things like that. I lost about 3 pounds. I still want to loose weight and I am putting together a thinspiration book with all my favourite actresses, singers and models. And whenever I feel like eating candy or ice cream, or anything that I know has a lot of fat in it, I shall look through that book and remember that I just want to be thin. I also recently found out that my mother has a decease called Alopecia Areala. Wich makes her hair fall out she will never be cured from this and I might get it because it's an inherited decease. One of the symptoms is putting on alot of weight. I DO NOT want to gain any weight. porcelain_doll_complex@hotmail.com
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Marissa's Story

I have been ana for two years now, it started when i weighed myself and i realised i was 200lbs! I couldnt believe it and from then on i hjavent been able to eat a full meal. I just couldnt eat anymore. I'm down to 115 lbs and im 5'8 tall. I'm happier now then when i was really fat but i find it hard to believe im still not fat still. ghettomarshall01@yahoo.com.au
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Karin's Story

Let me start by letting you all know that i'm danish, which will ewplain all my mistakes in english gramma. Sorry!!! I'm now 21 and have suffered from bulimia and anorexia for i don't know hov long! I'm not as skinny as probably all of you are, but i think i hate food just as much as anyone here. I hope thats ok. The reason i got ed. was probably my lifelong competition with my twin, about who was the best at everything! But I'm not sure. The worst thing right now is my parants and their spech about my weight. Fortunately i live on my own so i wont have to listen to then every day! Enough about me. I'm very greatfull for these pages with good advice and i especially like the thinspiration pages. Helps keep me going. khjermitslev@yahoo.com
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PanickedSoul's Story

Nothing like bearing your soul on the 1st day huh? I am in my late 20's, a single mom, college student, and absolutely miserable about my weight. I am 6' tall and I was always very thin. Until I had my daughter and a very abusive husband helped I guess. I was ana & mia in my teen years. I was also very secretive about it. I have never had a friend that did the things I did or would understand why. 5 years ago I went back to ana when I left my husband and managed to regain control over my life. I was happy again for the first time in years. I have had panic attacks since I was a child and after several long talks with my mom I went for "help" yeah right, they just switched me around on 27 different meds to "help" in a years time. The constant switching of meds made me miserable and I lost my control over everything including my weight. One of their miracle cures even made me gain 30 lbs. in just one month!!!!! They didn't mention its little side effect when they gave it to me of course. So, here I sit. Off all meds cause they were bullshit that only made me sick. I am disgusted by my own body. I am overweight. My every thought revolves around regaining my friend ana so I can be in control again. I have actually slipped into my old routines easily. It feels good. I managed to lose 5 lbs. in the last 4 days which is encouraging but it is really only a shallow victory because I am soooo far from my goal. Pro-ana sites are very new to me. I didn't even know they existed until I watched a movie that mentioned them last week. I never knew this support existed. panicked soul@aol.com
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Meghan's Story

Well, I've only been anorexic for about 4 months. It all started when I went on Weight Watchers. I lost about 30 lbs by doing that. I was mainly doing it to be healthy, and I got down to around 120 and felt great. But...I wanted to be thinner. At this period my dad became severly depressed and I think this had a very big impact on me. My life started to feel pretty out of control. I was forced to move into my moms so that my dad could get better. I got down to about 105 pounds pretty quickly. I never really thought I was anorexic, I just thought I was dieting. My mom talked to me about it and I went to the doctor and started seeing a therapist again. I was diagnosed anorexic. It was nice that I didn't have to really hide anymore. I could talk about my eating and feelings with my family and not have to be so god damned secretive. I'm now in the Eating Disorder program at the childrens hospital here. I'm an out patient and go to group therapy once a week. I'm still losing weight. I want to get better but not before I make it to my goal weight. I keep bingeing though. It's getting tough. I'm a little tired of the little voice in my head and always feeling so depressed. A big part of me wants to be be healthy agian and be able to eat without feeling bad....but...I don't know if I'll ever get there. Until then...I'm going to lose more weight. meghanw@shaw.ca
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Laura's Story

I have always been what I consider extremely overweight. Since I was eight, I have struggled with my weight, trying various weightloss methods. I was developing an ED before I even knew it. I became a full-fledged Ana two years ago. I did the 100 calorie a day thing and worked out. But my sister, being the snoop she is, found my Ana Journal and told my parents. Thus I had to stop. But, temptation and the desire to be thin has overcome me recently and I am slipping back to my old ways. However, I am much more cautious than I used to be about my ED. No longer to I keep a journal anywhere else but with me at all times. I keep my journal to stay focused and pure. laura@divaofglass.net
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Heather's Story

I have been ana/mia since I was about 17 years old. Was a little heavy in HS, wore size 9/11 pants. Started exercising intensely, angry with myself when I succumbed to food. Lost 20 pounds and went from 140 to 120 lbs in the next year. Stayed between 118 and 125 for a few years, and ana slept inside me. I was married now, and pregnant. After the baby was born, I was intent on losing the baby fat. I exercised 3 and 4 hours a day, lost a lot of weight, down to about 115 lbs when I was religious about my food control. My husband bought me a membership at a gym for my birthday one year after that. I started building muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat. I hate the scale, I try to tell myself that its muscle, and that's why I weigh more, but I find myself wanting my ana life back. I wonder if she'll awaken again. mantrachick@usa.com
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xconformist's Story

Hm. My story huh? I wouldn't really say that i have an eating disorder. But i definately have disordered eating. Ever since i can remember i was "dieting" and sneaking food. One weeks i'd be putting hamburger patties in my pockets, along with a brick of cheese, and sneaking them into my room to binge. The next week i'd live off lettuce and steal laxatives from the local grocery store. I was probably around age 8 or 9 when this started. I wont blame my mother...but i'm sure watching her constantly struggle with her weight didn't help me much. And she's still struggling, which motivates me to shape it up a bit! I'm now 20, almost 21...I'm 9mo's pregnant with my first child (yah, i'm married...). So, obviously my eating has stablized. I would never do anything to hurt my daughter!! I still have problems with my COE---haven't been *that* perfect since i've been pregnant. No restricting though, incase anyone is wondering. All in all, i don't know what i'm going to do once i'm not prego anymore. I don't plan on going back to my binge/starve cycle. That didn't work for me, but i need to stay on track. Think "thin". Anyway, talk to you all in the chat :) the_anti_grrrl@hotmail.com
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Krista's Story

I guess most of my problems started in 5th grade. I was never a "chubby" kid, but in 5th grade, the magic of puberty started to transform my body into something I would come to hate. I don't know if it was out of jealousy over my ever expanding training bra or what, but this ONE girl in my class decided that my new nickname should be "Chunky." I really wasn't that chunky at the time, in fact, the girl who started calling me that was even heavier than I was. I always tried to make light of it, and pretend the name was funny, but inside, it really got to me. A few years later, in junior high, most of my classmates had long forgot my old nickname, but it still remembered it. I had started playing sports and doing gymnastics, and always compared my lumpy body to the other girls who were so thin. It also didn't help that puberty was kicking my butt. It seemed that overnight, my hips and thighs grew to gargantuan proportions, and my the B-cups of my bra were literally flowing over. Even my own mnoother atrted to hassel me about my weight. She would make a habit of comparing me to her skinny friend's beanpole of a daughter, always asking, "She's sooo thin! You two are the same age, so why are you so much bigger?" Yeah, thanks mom. High school was really when the proverbial shit hit the fan. I continued to get heavier, and by the 11th grade, I was 5'3" and 168lbs. I hated myself, the way I looked. Until that point I had tried to accept the way I looked, and pretend it really wasn't THAT bad, but that year was when everything changed. I started running cross country, and had to fit into these awful, tiny little booty shorts and tank top that were my uniform. I tried Slimfast and other diets, but they didn't work very well, so I simply stopped eating. At the time I tought it was perfectly normal. I'd have a glass of juice for breakfast, and a diet Coke at lunch, and no dinner. I would always tell my parents that I had gotten dinner with friends after practice, or something like it. I was hungry all the time, but it didn't matter, everytime I wanted to eat I just thought about how I looked in my cross country uniform. At first it worked great. By mid-season I was down to around 140lbs, but I was wavering. I remember one day after a meet, I broke down and went to McDonald's for a Big Mac meal. I was too embarrassed to eat it in front of anybody, so I stayed in my car and inhaled the food, apple pie and everything. I couldn't believe how good it tasted, but the minute the last bite was down, I hated myself. How could I be so stupid and weak?!? I was still fat, and on top of that, I had no self-control. Instead of starving myself, I now binged and purged. I would eat horrible, horrible food and then force myself to vomit it all up. I bounced around like that for a while, either starving or feasting, until I got to college. That was when I finally figured out that I wasn't normal, and probably had an ED. For the better part of college, I had my ED under control, and had established pretty healthy eating habits. I still didn't like the way I looked, but was trying to accept myself, flab and all. I was doing really well until my senior year, when I moved off-campus. Since I now lived off-campus, I had to drive to class instead of walk, and I also got a job and didn't have as much time to work-out. That was when the weight started to come back on. At first I tried to ignore it, but I finally snapped and my ED reared its ugly head. I guess the best way to describe my ED would be ana/mia, with a little compulsive eating thrown in. Since that time I either starve myself with restricting and fasts, or I go crazy and binge, usually throwing up anything I've eaten. It's been in this past year that I've gotten in touch with the ED community online. I don't know, I guess its nice to know that I'm not the only crazy one out there. :) malka_ksu@msn.com
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Amber's Story

i had always been a skinny kid. i wore a size 10 in kids up until the 6 grade. thats when i started to expanding rapidly. by the time i was in 7th grade i wore size 3 and had gained 25lbs. i wasnt fully disgusted with myself until my dad commented how how fat i was getting and "if i just exercised a little" i could rid of it. i chose other ways. it wasnt until about a week later that what he said finally set in. one night after scarfing down my dinner, i ran to the bathroom and threw it up. well my mom heard me, so that was enough of that for awhile. after that i would cry because i thought i was SO fat. during 8th grade i was the fattest on of my friend at a whopping 120 lbs. i then moved to where i am currently located and things just when down hill from there. on somedays i would eat normally, on other i would eat under 400cals, and on others when i ste something i shouldnt have i just threw it up. after i moved i got really depressed, and began cutting myself again.(i had taken a break form this for a about 5 months)i reached 132lbs. i was done with it. things got bad in 10th grade. in about october of that year, i started throw up again, at least 2 times day, and began to control my portions. i went from about 125lbs in october to 114lbs in december. in january i was sent to the doctor because my mom found out about me throwing up and cutting. the doc reffered me to a shrink and it wasnt until a month later that i saw her. by the time i saw here i was controlling my food better and only throwing up once a day, and was down to 109lbs. by march i had reached 96lbs, 6lbs away from my goal. it all ended when i was put on a shitload of anti-depressants, and began to get fattter. i reached 1221lbs at one point. right now i am in the 11th grade and have gained 18.5 lbs since august. as of now i am a complete laxative and stackers junkie. i am still trying to get myy eating back under control, and i have been doing better. i still have at least 14.5lbs to lose. then we will see what comes from that. rapsmellsbad@hotmail.com
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Amanda's Story

I am 20 years old. And the past year and a half I have been pro-ana/mia. Slow starter I know,but I figure it's better later than never. It all started when I took a good,long look at my adoptive family. I noticed how much we were eating, and though I wasn't fat like my family, inside I felt heavy and disgusting. I looked at the health problems my family had and even though my genetic make-up and their genetic make-up is different it still scared the shit out of me.And though I wanted to change, I didn't know how and maybe at the time I wasn't jilted enough. And so a couple months past and I watch this lifetime movie, and it was about a girl who played the ana game, she won but died. And it moved me. I cried because I wanted that willpower and at the same time I thought how stupid she was because at that moment I didn't understand that the world as a whole has become obsessed with food. I see that now of course. I tried to fast,unsuccessfully I might add. And I don't think at that time I hated myself enough, because that is driving compenant. So fast foward a couple of weeks and I find myself really stressed out about something I forget now. And for that week I had consumed 150 calories. My stomach hurt like holyfuck but I found out that maybe I can do this. Maybe I can find it within me to stop this food obsession that I have. And I have been rather successfull. Honestly I think that my fiance really helped in the process. Guys are so good at making girls feel somewhat inadequate, they may not know it, but they do. I'm at 80 lbs. My problem areas are my upper arms and thighs. My hipbones stick out to the point where it hurts to wear pants. So even though I'm not where I would like to be at, I'm getting there. And I feel happier. And yes, I do hate myself some days, but I think dwelling on it for days and days does more emotional harm and you end up not accomplishing what you want. And that's pretty much my state of mind nowadays. It's balanced out and that helps. And I know in some areas it sounds contradicting and it does but if you do have this "Disorder" you'll understand where I'm coming from you'll understand becuase you've been there. Karianna54@yahoo.com
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Matt's Story

This is hard to write about as I don't like talking about it even. I used to play Squash professionally on the PSA Tour but I got injured and had to drop out. I kept on eating what I ate when I was training full time so I put on a lot of weight. When 8 months later I recovered from my injury I was 20kilograms heavier than before. Coming back was always going to be hard after such a long lay off, and my weight gain and lack of fitness made it harder, so after 6 months of trying I finally retired from pro sport. However 9months ago I started going back to the gym to work out again, my weight had remained pretty stable, but then Ifound Iwanted to lose more weight, my training has now increased massively that my social life is no longer there as I am at the gym all my spare hours. I used to skip the odd meal, but now I rarely eat and my weight is falling, everyone tells me I am too thin but I dont believe them, it pushes me harder. I have now split up from my girlfriend, as she was makng me eat and not go to the gym, but I love going it makes me feel good and in control. But I'm still fat.... mattwilliams79@hotmail.com
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Jennica's Story

I am a 17 year old from Brentwood NY. I am a senior at Brentwood high. I work at an amusement park, I have dealt with both anorexia and bulimia for the past 2 years. I am 6 foot and am currently at my highest weight of 150. I feel so disgusting. I started vommiting when I was 15 in march of 2002 . In may 2002 I stopped eating entirely and went down to 120 now I am back to binging and burging and gained a lot of weight. I excersise daily and hope to be able to go back to my normal weight soon but nothing is seeming to work which is getting me depressed again. rainbowbrite513@aol.com
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Jen's Story

I don't really have an ED story,it's just a story. I was a fat kid, though I played sports and all I remained one of the "bigger girls". After college, and the birth of my son, I decided it was time to do something with my weight. I went from normal eating to an every day fast. I went from 315 to 134 in less than one year. Sometimes I puke. only when I am completely weak, and do ingest something, or when I'm forced to eat which usually means I'm at a family function. It's not really hard. I just think to myself I must remain strong. I have power over the cookie, the cookie does not rule me. I also feel alot better about myself. My hips no longer ache. although I can't sleep on my stomach because they dig into the bed. My nails have grown long, strong and healthy. I can run and do things with my son that I could only do when I was 15 years old. All in all, i really do feel good about myself. I feel powerful! I feel like an angel, and I love it when the wind blows and I feel like I could get blown away. I like the way I look when I see myself in the mirror, and I refuse to let food take these good feelings away from me. ernursejen@zoominternet.net
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Lynn's Story

I'm losing friends all because of this fucking mindset I'm in. I really don't want to do anything. I'm scared of being around people, because I'm paranoid that they will think I am fat and make rude comments. So many people always bug me about eating. I'm somewhat happy that they think I don't eat anything at all- in a twisted way. But then all the bugging.. I lost 20+ pounds when I went vegan and started exercising everyday. Back then, I was happy. Then something happened.. I'm not quite sure what. I just remember looking in the mirror and I was absolutely horrified. Even though I was underweight. So I started restricting. It came to the point of me only having an apple a day. Then I just sort of said 'Fuck it.' and started eating somewhat normally. But I couldn't handle that. So I started purging. And that messed up my metabolism so much. I was still on the brink of being underweight when I went into the hospitol. And then I gained. And seeing everyone else who were being treated there.. And the body image therapy. Whenever we had that I would hide underneath and chair in the corner and cry. And then I got out of that hell hole, and things were alright for a while. But my metabolism hadn't kicked in yet. So I gained. All that exercise didn't matter. Then I was just really tired all the time. Not good. And here I am. I have planned out a diet and an exercise plan. But I lack conviction. l0serkidd@hotmail.com
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Jenette's Story

i am now 17 years old. I was an ice skater my entire life kinda thrown into because my mom's a skating coach and my dads a hockey coach. obviously skating is an image based sports so there was always a stress on that. my coach was telling me how i was turning into a Polish porker by the time i was in 4th grade. In 7th grade my best friend and i would have competitions (we got weighed regularly for skating) on who could stay the lowest weight and not break 100. In 8th grade my skating career was crumbling and i decided to quit. this made my mom miserable and she started telling me how fat i was and how lazy and disgusting i was becoming. Since shes my mom i wanted to please her and so i just stopped eating. i was loosing 5 pounds a week sometimes 10 and thats a lot considering i still hadnt broke 100. All the while she was continuing to tell me im fat and blah blah blah whereas my dad was tellign her i wasnt eating enough. Through 3 or 4 years however long its been since my worst time i have been on and off ana. my sister has been accusing me of being anorexic in the times i wasnt but no one notices anything when i am. To help cope with everything else i started cutting. (dont start) i almost got sent to a mental institution for it. but yeah still struggling with everything pinklady2oo1@aol.com
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Melissa's Story

What is really a story. My life. A reality we are supposed to pretend we dont notice. happening around us. happening TO us. I guess I cant remember when I wasn't unhappy. I dont remember anything really from my junior or senior year of highschool- and now I am a senior in college, and moments come and go, without any substantiation. It's not that I am unhappy now, its that I really dont feel anything. I stopped eating for 4 years and tried to throw up more than millions of times. And I did. I did, when I finally gave up, and said that I will just let myself cough up blood. I think that there is no worse feeling than that of thickness. My boyfriend and I play a game sometimes, describing our respective idea of heaven- or what it might be like. I dont really know what I say, but I can tell you my fucking hell. My hell is to be fucking fat. mle9@cornell.edu
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Sarah's Story

I don't really remember when it all started, but I know I was always kind of a chubby kid. I was a picky eater, and I still am. As I grew up people thought I was cute, but I was never gorgeous. I'm 16 years old and currently, I weigh 140lbs. and my goal is to make it to 120lbs and go from there. I KNOW I can do it because 2 years ago I was majorlly depressed and got up to 175lbs. I got down to 132, but the past few months I've been really stressed out and have fallen back into depression. I've gained almost 10 pounds, and that makes me sick. I can't take it anymore, and I won't be hpapy again until I can get to where I was before, and then I can lose even more weight. I know talking with other girls who can relate to me will help me through this. I think it's important to have people to support you, and it definitely would make it much easier than to go through this on my own again. SarahBeara516@aol.com
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