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Michaela's Story

My name is Michaela Bowen and i became Bulemic about a year ago and I became Anorexic about 10 months ago. It all happened really fast. I signed up to be in this modeling contest and when i went to the contest they told me i needed to lose weight. so i went home and was devastated because i've always been really self-concious about my weight and body. I decided to go on a diet and it was going well. Istarted losing weight and i liked it. So i decided to only eat 2 meals a day and then one meal a day and sometimes i wouldn't even eat at all. Then i started going on the internet and looking up diet ideas and one day i came upon a pro-ana site. I decided that maybe if i tried some of the things that it was sayng then i could lose even more weight and able to go to the next modeling contest. I've been ana and mia ever since and i love every minute of it!!!!! lillix_chic@yahoo.com
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AnazBitch's Story

I have always had a problem with my weight. Starting at probably 5 or 6 years of age, I would constantly go on diets, and say that I was only going to eat a piece of bread that day and my mom would look at me like I was insane. Maybe I was. I used to pinch my fat in the mirrors and think it was disgusting. By the time I was 7, I was only drinking water and I wouldn't eat. Around 8th grade, I read Insatiable, and that triggered me. I found out the word of what I was. In 6th grade, I was getting chubby, but got on adderall and stopped eating again and lost a lot of weight. When I was in 9th grade, I went a month without eating, and was then admitted to the hospital for attempted suicide and anorexia nervosa. I was 85 lbs. I was tube fed and forced to eat double portions. When I got out of the hospital, I did everything I could to lose the weight. I purged, never binged though, I took laxatives..everything I hated I did. Now, my eating disorder is kind of messed up, and I would like to commence with it again. devilwithablackdresson@hotmail.com
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Mac's Story

Hey everyone, my name is Mac and I’m an anorexic. I have been struggling with anorexia nervosa since I was eleven years old. I have never been over weight according to doctors, but I have always thought of myself as a sluggish pig. I’m not your sterotype anorexic. I’m not rich, and I’m not quiet nor am I a social outcast. There are times where I prefer silence and read a book, but I am very sociable and friendly. Anyway I really hit rock bottom when I turned sixteen. I noticed that I still had that baby fat, and that I wasn’t as graceful as other girls with their slender bodies. By this time, I was around 125 lbs and Five foot one. I decided to lose weight along with my best friend by excessive exercise and a healthy diet. Soon enough, I noticed this routine was not good enough. Something was wrong with me; I knew I could do better but how? Back then I didn’t know what anorexia was. For some unknown reason, I read an article in “self” magazine which covered a story of pro ana web sites.. I didn’t know what pro ana websites were, in fact, I didn’t know what anorexia was but when I searched on the web and found the classic “Anorexic Nation” site, I was hooked. I even read and copied the ana letter onto my diary and thought fasting would be the only way. And I did.. I lost 30 lbs in a matter of one month. I was 90 lbs and I didn’t get my period for at least 7 months after that. My whole family knew I had a problem but I didn’t care, I still don’t either. However, three years later, I am in college studying Government in a NY university. I currently weigh 113 lbs.. BUT I need to get to at least 95 by July. I know that if I put my mind into it, I can achieve this new goal again. I also know that my eating disorder shall be with me forever.. I cannot rid of it.. and sadly I don’t think I want to. Milkeepink@aol.com
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Vasily's Story

Hi, everyone! My name is Vasily and I am a 16-year-old male (do not be surprised). I do not really have an ED story: I am only a beginner. My height is 5-10 and a few days ago I weighed 147 lbs. That is exactly why I dream of becoming anorexic: I am a fat pig. So far I have managed to lose only 6 lbs, but i want to lose a lot more. I could really use some help and I wish I could make some friends in the ED-community. I must say that I admire all emaciated people and think everyone should be like that. I believe food is an addiction even worse than drugs or tabacco, and I really want to cure myself from it. Well, that is about all I have to say. I hope to gat along with Ana and herfriends! vasily@msk.org.ru
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Trish's Story

I officialy was diagnosed with ana and mia january of 2003. i have had and mia tendencies since about 2000. I have been a calorie counter as far back as i can remeber. I've always been a skinny child but obsessed about my looks. Then as a freshman in high school, i started noticing guys more and more and my need to be perfect became clear.since then ive never eaten over 1,000 calories and when i was officially diagnosed with ana, i was eating no more than 500. i've been in recovery twice after i was first diagnosed and gained some recovery weight.after being in recovery for 6 months i went back to ana and mia and now b/p at least 2 times a week and eat no more than 500 cals. Ana helps me with my problems and makes me feel better. anamiababe@yahoo.com
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Jasmine's Story

All my life I have had food issues weither i ate tooo much or too little,or nothing at all. I guess my bouts with ana started when I was in the 5th grade. I don't remember my height at the time but I was 98 pounds. My friend Amber was shoter then me but she wighed 80 pounds. I remember one day we were talking about her being on this cheerleading team I was like cool maybe I should try out. She was like well you have to be at least 85 pounds to be in it. I was so hurt and so depressed I couldn't beleive how awful I muct have looked to her. She has bascially called me fat. I had became very depressed and I stopped talking. Growing up my parents have always had there fights. They still do and will be soon divorced.Anyway way I had learned from my mother that when you are depressed you eat. So that's what I did. And needless to say I blew up. My dad has never told me he loved me or never showed anything towards me. it's like I am invivle to him. Growing up he would always compliment my sister. " Oh your so pretty... You have a nice voice." " You look very good in that." My sister is very thin and I hated growing up before her. My dad used to make these jokes about me he thought I didn't hear them but I did. I never went over the 2oolbs mark but I was like 187 in the seventh grade. I know what you all are thinking I was obsese. But it didn't really bother me that much I hated taking pictures and did my best not too. In the 8th grade I dropped some weight not much but some. I didn't have a scale but I could tell because some of my friends and teachers asked about it. Entering high school I joined the color guard and lost about 15 pounds in the summer getting more commpliments. I don't take them well but I started starving my self but whatever I lost I gained back. Now I am the 10th grade. In the begging of the year I weighed about 175. I was still fat and I hated my self. I didn't want to go to school. I didn;t want to go out anywhere afriad people were looking at me, watching me. I am very self consious I wear big and baggy clothes. Anyway I started startving my self again and restricing calories too under 300 a day. Somtimes I would have only 10 a day. But I was set back by thanksgiving and christmas. But as soon as that was over. My starving my self worserned I went from 175 in november too where I am now 136. I still am fat don't get me wrong. I hate my self more now then ever I just want to be perfect I will get there. I want to be invisble. I have passed out twice and was taken to the hosptial my doctors told my mother that I was showing signs of a eating disorder. They told me that I needed to eat and some other shit. I wasn't really lsiting now I am having problems witth cutting. It seems like I just can't stop anymore. My dad tries to be a better dad to me now telling me that I look good and such but all i hear is lies. He didn't love me when I was Fatter he can't love me now. I don't want his love I hate him! I really really do.Like I said he is a trigger he tells me I have to eat so I don't. I was making a salad and he was good I am glad you are eating something. I threw it away. He brought a treadmill that I use only when he isn't home which is like always he is such a whoe. I have a half sisterthanks to him. He had ruined my life. My mothers life. He has ruined my family. I have a friend who is 90lbs and she makes me feel like shit. SO I have to be smaller then her I have to I will reach my goals and then become invisble just the way I feel... I am a good person if you want to be my support buddy or need someone to talk too. I am there. heavenlyjaystar@aol.com
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Yoyo's Story

I go by Yoyo, because I often diet and then go off the diet. Benging has become part of my life. I don't know what eating regular is any more. I have weighed as much as 165 and as little as 95 as an adult. I suffer the unstated scorn of those that dislike anyone fat when I'm heavy, and I suffer the verbal abuse from those that envy me when I'm thin. How can I win? I sometimes feel that people like me when I'm thin, but then it seems as if they are fickle and only like that facade that I create. I wonder what is the real me. yo@yolo.com
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Sarah's Story

my ed started out when i was 15 i was so fat that my first love broke up with me. i was 5'6 and weighed 160. so i knew i had to lose weight! i knew that all i had to do was cut back a little and that would help me. so after i started doin that i lost weight then when i started not eating at all i lost even more so in 3 months i went down to 130. i was so happy but, then when i turned 16 i got pregnant and then married so i was depressed and gained 60 pounds when i was pregnant, needless to day i didnt lose any still i have since had another baby and lost all that weight but i am still hate myself for the way i look now im so gross that i cant even get my j to look at me. anyways i thought if i joined here i would be able to get into trying harder i really need support.. i have started back watching what i eat and in 1 month i have lost 15 pounds. but i really really need more help i am doing this all by myself.. nixachick02@aol.com
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Carissa's Story

I developed my eating disorder when i was 15. I was going through problems at home and couldn't talk to anyone. I began isolating myself and lonely. That depression got me to lose weight which made me thinner and feel better about myself. I began to obsess about food. I wasn't aware that i had a problem until people pointed it out. I didn't think anything of it. I maintained. Then my last year of h.s i went through some horrible problems and i began to fade away more into anorexia. Then i got into college and i discovered the binge-purge disorder. I ended up doing it so much because i was starving all the time. YEars went by and it is just an overall cycle of all of them. Sorry i'm not in the mood to write at the moment because i just ate and feel sick to my stomache. I hope that's enouch info Guessbabe12@yahoo.com
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Kate's Story

Age:16 Traits: Very preppy, fun-loving chicky whom adores pink! Well I was a model in Phoenix weighing 90 pounds 5'3', then i moved to Canada where all my family is and i just turned into a pig... eating anything in my path... a year later I'm a whooping 120 pounds :(:(:( cries. I just want this to happen as quickly as possible, for most of the fat to shed off my body and leave me with Jessica Alba's body... only if! I need help nand i want support and to give support. Thanks pinkwatermelon_3530@hotmail.com
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Eve's Story

Hello, my name is Eve and this is my story of what I once believed would be an endless life of fat, depression and despair, but then ,two years ago ,something extraordinary happened-a wonderful friendship developed with two schoolfriends who were understanding regarding my plight. At first I couldn't figure out why a couple of thin and popular girls would want to be friends with someone like me, but as our friendship grew we started discussing our lives and anorexia finally came up. Soon we were exchanging tips, strategies and techniques. From that point on my life was different. I dropped 40 pounds and my life totally changed. I am still great friends with those two and will be forever!! But now my situation has changed. I've just started college and I seldom get the opportunity to talk to those two friends. I am deathly afraid of going back to what I once was. I gained 7 lb.s my first semester which totally freaked me out. So now what I'm looking for is the same support and advice I used to get from those two friends. anaeve147@yahoo.com
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Chloe's Story

Let's see, I don't really know where to begin. I don't have the same "type" of story that so many people I've talked to seem to have; I wasn't abused as a child, sexually, mentally, or otherwise, I was never overweight, and although I'm a dancer and runner, my teachers/coaches never commented on my weight. So, there were a few catalysts, and I'm not totally sure of the order, so I'll give them to you in random order. First, in 8th grade, my incredibly skinny friend H, who everyone accused of having an eating disorder, never ate lunch. I wanted to be like her, so I didn't either. Then I stopped eating breakfast; I'd noticed that eating made my stomach stick out. I've always had baby fat on my belly that wouldn't go away, and I realized that unless I stopped eating, it wouldn't go away. So I only ate dinner, because by morning usually it was small again. Then, I began to look around at my track and cross country teams; her tummy was so flat, hers too, her's too...and I seriously began to stop eating. I thought, "As soon as your stomach is toned and flat, you can stop this crap." But then I began to notice my legs; my thighs were so fat. God, how didn't I notice that before? And there began everything. In 9th grade during cross country season, I was down to 112. I got home from practice around dinner time, said I'd already eating a lot of snacks, but I guess I could have a little more. I'd eat a salad (read: lettuce) and a slice of bread, declare myself stuffed, and go upstairs to do my homework. So I was down to about 150 cals/day. Then I was found out and the school counselor threatened to call my mom if I didn't get my BMI up to 20. So anyway, now it's 10th grade, and I'm 123. My highest weight was 127 or 128 (yucky), and that wasn't too long ago...I'm trying to regain my willpower and get back into the cycle I was in at one point. I know I will soon. barelybeauty@hotmail.com
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Bibi's Story

I have always been aware of the importance of being thin. No matter how horrible you feel in the inside people will always complement you on the way you look. I have recently been dx with an incurable decease that could possible cripple me in the future. I feel like I have no control of my life. What I put in my mouth is the only thing I feel I can control. I would love to be part of this site... Bibiegnz@yahoo.es
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Nichole's Story

I never really thought that I was someone that would suffer from an eating disorder. I was small and didn't really care what I weighed, until I got to high school. My chest had been getting larger and larger, and I started getting self-conscious about not only my chest, but my stomach. I had terrible posture, which pushed all of my stomach down into a gut. It was embarrassing. I started trying to loose weight. First, I did WeightWatchers but got so tired of counting points, that I just stopped eating all together. I started to just eat cereal and ended up loosing about 10 lbs from it. I went from 120 to 110 in a few months. But that wasn't enough. My gut was still there, and so were my massive breasts. So I got a breast reduction, loosing about 3 lbs off of that. After that, I took diet pills and when I discovered Pro-Ana websites, I dedicated my appetite to that. The lowest weight I've gotten to was 98 lbs, but it isn't enough. I still feel incredibly insecure. I still feel like I'm so much bigger than everyone else. I tried to make myself happy by doing this. I honestly thought that I was doing this for me. For my sake. But now I realize that I can't stop. I'm not happy with myself and honestly, I don't think I ever will be. Everytime I eat, I feel like I've just sinned. I look at that scale as if I gain weight, I'm completely worthless. Which is silly. I mean, if I'm already worthless, how can I be more worthless? My boyfriend knows, and it's a little strange I guess because he supports me in it. I've realized that I have a sickness. But it's a sickness I don't want to give up. Not just yet. uponcloudnine@msn.com

Ok.... I was very very overweight as a kid. It started with my parents force feeding me. I became so screwed up over food I became a binge eater. I dont want to go really far into this. All of my family members have various eating disorders so it is hard to get away from. I began restricting calories to lose weight. I lost a lot, and then this summer I went to extremes, exersizing twice a day and eating 500-700 calories of mostly protien, no carbs. Then, school got involved. (I lost a lot of hair and weight) I got put in a hospital and was forced to eat and gain. Fuck that. I'm losing it all and then some...goal: disappear. chococat003@yahoo.com
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Lauren's Story

It all started in 10th grade. I realized I had gone from a skinny kid to a chubby teenager. High school was partly to blame. Vending machines on every corner, pizza for lunch, never ending supply of soda. I had reached my peak weight- 142lbs and I was 5'8". Size 9. That summer I worked out, mostly ballet and other forms of dance. I remember the beginning of the 11th grade my friend said "did you lose weight". I hadnt really noticed so as soon as I went home I weighed myself. 130lbs. Size 5. I had lost more than 10lbs without even thinking about it. Imagine what I could do if I tried. That year I went on a restrictive diet. No more than 20 grams of fat a day. I was no longer binging on the snack food at school. I instead ate rice cakes and pickles. By the end of that year I had lost 10 more pounds. All I thought about was losing weight. At this point I weighed 120lbs and I was 5'9". Size 3. In a perfect world I would weigh 100 lbs. But I set my goal at 110. Next came college. I was terrified of the freshman 15. I started off good, but soon developed some crazy eating habits. It was like all I could think about was eating. Amazingly I lost a couple pounds (I think it was all the walking) and dropped a size. Thats where I am now, at the end of freshman year 5'9" 115 lbs size 1- sometimes a 0. I love getting the "you're so skinny" from people. Ive gone back to dieting. Im mostly eating vegetarian sushi, fruit and granola. I have a photo shoot when I go home, and Im hoping to have reached 110 before then. (No photographer wants a fat model). Losing the weight isnt hard, but maintaining it is. Hopefully by the time sophomore year starts I will be at 100lbs. jatzari727@aol.com
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Dianne's Story

I had grown up in a strict, abusive household with and asian mother and american father. My mother had always reinforced the idea of perfection in every part of my life. Perfect in school, perfect looks, perfect for society. As I got older, my mother only got stricter, and my dad was always avoiding the situation. She got very abusive, both physically and mentally, and it began to take its toll on me very early on. I started cutting myself aroudn 13, after she started threatening to kill me. By then I really just wanted to kill myself, but I was too scared to do it, and my mom kept telling me she wanted to kill herself because of me. By my junior year in high school, after the death of one of my very close friends, I just snapped. I felt so alone, so rejected, so unloved...so out of control...I didn't know how to go on...and then I found ana. No one likes fat girls, and while I was not fat by normal standards, I felt that if I was beautiful like the supermodels and actresses, then maybe someone would love me. So I began to lose weight with exercise, but it wasn't enough. So I started eating less, and less, and then not at all. And if I ate, I'd puke it back up. And it worked...everyone began to like me, guys especially...I felt loved. I've had an eating disorder ever since. I was raped in my first serious relationship, and he only got more abusive but I didn't leave him until he started putting knives to my throat and then a gun to my head. Then I got raped again, but by another guy I hardly even knew. I'm in a good relationship now, and recovered for a while...but I can't help but know deep down that I'm fat...and I can't deal with that. So here I am, with ana and mia. Again. Forever. jdmck925@hotmail.com
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Caroline's Story

All through my earliest childhood I was on the chubby and then in middle school became fat. I only ever got a few nasty comments, but the few that I received cut deep. By mid eighth grade I was determined to lose some weight. By the winter of my freshman year of high school I had managed to lose twenty pounds. I was really proud of myself and was beginning to gain more confidence in not only my body but my weight loss skills. Slowly I cut excess foods out of my diet, eating less often and only when I was truly hungry. Finally, by the end of my freshman year, I was considered medically anorexic. I had dropped a total of forty five pounds in little over a year, including ten pounds in the past month. Since then, though, my parents got on my case about gaining weight. So I gained weight... and gained weight... and gained weight... So now that I'm grotesquely fat. I hate myself and I hate the way I look. I would give anything to get back to the way I used to be, but I need to get the control back...and I feel like it's impossible. CSamp87@hotmail.com
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Julia's Story

This is the hardest thing I've ever written because it means admitting that I have an ED... When I was in elementary school, I was chubby. Typical. And then at the beginning of my freshmen year of highschool, I lost a ton of weight, without really trying. I saw hipbones and fell in love. Sophomore year, more fell off and I felt beautiful. I just figured 'less is more.' So junior year, I just 'helped it along.' At that point I was working out four hours a day and eating only 'safe foods.' That was the highest point of my ED. I looked wonderfully thin. Senior year, just more of the same. Stress and anxiety about grades and college just fed it. Amplified it. I had to be perfect, the smartest, the fastest, the thinnest. I got into a top twenty school. I gained the freshmen fifteen, freaked out, lost twenty pounds. Sophomore year, I let myself eat, but worked out like crazy. Didnt gain. Junior year, stress. And I'm almost a senior. I'm obsessed and I want to lose weight because I'm up to almost 130 lbs, which scares me so badly. That puts me at almost eight years of having an ED. I've managed to avoid being mia, but I admire those who can live with it successfully. I don't want help, I just need to be around those who get it. I hope this is the place. greenviolets@yahoo.com
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