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Sarah-jane's Story

Well my anorexia all strated 6 months ago when i strated to exercise a lot. At first everyone in my family were all pleased with my radical interests in doing all sports with them.Which I had never done before. Then I strated to continue doing exercise and felt even better.. I strated by loosing 10 pounds I felt really good and dicided to loose more by eating less everyday. To my entire satisfaction I lost even more wait really fast and everyone(that I know and even people in on the streets or in malls..ect)was telling how my body was so perfect and everyone dreamed to look like me.I had never ever expirienced this kind of feeling before and it was like anything I had ever done. Actually it was like, being drunk, or completely ''stoned'' by drungs...it was like the hottest guys hands on me...it was everything at the same time together. I felt really good..and to be honest I have never been happier in my hole life. sj_gurl23@hotmail.com
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Kelly's Story

Well to start off, I always have had a bad image of my body. I come from what people must call the “perfect family”. I have two sisters I adore and a younger brother. My parents are pretty easy-going people. They give me my privacy and I give them theirs. Ever since I began high school, I had a problem with my weight and body image. I remember going to school and seeing all the girls in their size 2 jeans and me in my size 10. I know I wanted to change. I hated shopping because I felt like a fat-ass. All my friends were super skinny and I was the fat one. Even my mom use to say “watch what you eat Kelly”. All the guys at school and out of school always used to describe me as “the heavier one”. I hated it. I wanted to be perfect. Everything else in my life was. I lived in the perfect house, in the perfect neighborhood, with the perfect life, all I wanted now is the perfect body. When I want something really bad I ALWAYS find a way to get it. Soo when I was 15 I started to purge and started taking laxatives. I remember the 1st time I purged. It was really emotional. I knew what I was doing was wrong but yet it felt so good. Soo in control. I love it. I still to till this day. Purging did work. I dropped to a size 6 by summer. Soon in the middle of the summer I decided to stop wasting my time with mia and say hello to a new friend. Ana. I lost soo much weight with ana and I still do till this day. Today I am still ana and mia. Mostly ana. When I fuck up I go to mia but that’s only when I mess up. I have to take laxactives everyday because I cant go without them. Im a size 4. Loving it! My mom and dad still don’t know that well. I think they might but I hide it but making dirty dishes and purging at local restrooms or outside. I work out 3 times a week. I know I will never stop ana or mia and I just want to know that I am not alone in this. kellbell2620@aol.com
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Calixte's Story

Hi. I'm Calixte, Cal, me. I'm supposed to give you my story. Well, I have had an ED since I was 9, over half of my life, a good old decade now. I don't regret it. I've been diagnosed ED-NOS, I can't make up my mind some days to go ana or mia. Overall, I'm definetly ana. I've had my ups and downs with weight, my low sat at 85 lbs. a few years ago. I'm trying to get back there now, it's a goal. So far, I'm winning. Part of the fun of all this for me is I am "in treatment." I am weighed weekly at the doctor, shuffled off to the therapist. I was hospitalized for a very short time when I hit my low, but they were less concerned about the ED then they were about some other medical complications I was having at the time. My basic premise is that if I have made it this far, why turn back. I am not perfect. I don't even feel human most of the time. Two suicide attempts, miles of scars later, I still feel like shit, I have still failed. When starving, I am numb. It's safe. It's funny, I'm in school for Psych and Pre-Med. I know what I am doing to my body, I know all the long-range impacts. And I just sort of check them off the list as they happen. I don't find myself really worried about it, perhaps I should be. But the nice thing is I am starting to get good at beating the medical system. Because I am learning what does what, how they read their diagnostic tests, I do my research. And I will just keep shrinking, right in their faces. silent_calixte@hotmail.com
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Monica's Story

This is my first time having a "battle" with an eating disorder. I have always found myself to be on the fatter side but never did anything about it. I said that maybe I would do something about it one day but when that day came along I just never did it, I was eiter not committed or too lazy. When others were ouit ahving fun playing on a team sport I sat inside and ate. Havign an eating "problem" wasn't just it for me, here's my story. My name is Monica and I have been "overweight" for most of my life. I was neer the skinny girl or fit girl. Not only do I have a problem with eating I have othe things going on in my life. Since the age of 12 I have tried to committe suicide 3 times.I also am bipolar and have depression. Since the age of 12 with my different cases of attempts of suicide I have cut myself to relieve stress, anger, wanting death and most importantly not to eat. When i cut myself I feel the "taste" of satisfaction that I would recieve from the food I would want to eat. This is an on going battle that I will have to deal with the rest of mylife until I found the amazing ways of the internet. Just a couple of months ago I have been searchign the web daily for pro-ana websites. i have done tis in the pat bnut never able to find any site that has been succesful or not been shut down. Pro-ana sites are like gifts from gods, they give you all the important information that you need to know and help you not concentrate on food. This website has been very helpful to me, because I find that it provides a wide range of information that alot of other websites did not have or they are no longer aviable. I find that I do have a fear of food, abusing laxitives and diet pills I seem to find that they work but not as well as I want them too. So I decided to join this webisite as a way to not feel alone in this situation. I have a friend who has dealt with eating disorders but she has failed in her ways but I still love her and wish her the best. I see that by joining this site I will have a friendly hello and help with a click of a mouse. Sweetcalamity8@aol.com
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Andrea's Story

I live in Australia (so our dress sizes are different to America's) But here goes - After having 3 children - I weighed 231 lbs and didn't matter what i did I couldn't lose the weight. I knew I had to take control of my life and the only way I could achieve this was with drastic measures... then all that news came on about anorexic websites etc etc which of cause was my trigger, so I went exploring and it took a long time for many of them to become active again on the net... I found www.BlueDragonfly.org This is my favourite site and this is when I chose the anorexic way of life... I now weigh 185 lbs (I went from size 22 down to size 16 and have lost nearly 50lbs) I am fasting at the moment this is day 6 YAY!!! I intend to weigh 119 lbs. The difference in my attitude has been the most striking of differences as I watch people eat and say to myself 'look at all that disgusting food they are putting in their bodies'... I choose not to and I feel proud that I am strong enough to give myself choices, acknowledgement of this fact I think, has been my saving grace. It hasn't been that easy all the time as I had a relapse when I found out my son had intellectual impairment. I ate three loaves of bread within 4 days (Boy did I feel sick) so I explored why I would even consider eating this as I don't touch carbohydrates as a rule, and I found a site which explained that if you crave carbohydrates which is in crackers/pretzels/bread it means you are stressed... Very true in my case, and that was a turning point for me I started a fast and now I am on day 6... I have a Xanga site called Anadreaming and my goal their is to encourage the weight loss of the girls who need it and to praise the girls that are already skinny and encourage them to eat healthy...and of course post everything I can about my weightloss on it. I have been doing this for 6 months now and I met alot of girls who do the same as me and I have made many fantastic friends... Also this keeps me on track... Well I hope all of you enjoy my story and come visit as you watch my progress with my weightloss... hugs*Andrea andrea@cdfundraising.com.au
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Sam's Story

im not really sure i have an eating disorder. not completely. i dont feel like im being controled by how much i eat/dont eat. well i sort of do. i dont really know much about them. but every since my fascination with food began, after i started fasting and becoming obsessed with my weight, i looked into EDs. food scares me. the thought of what it does to people makes me absolutly ill. i have the most terrible fear of becoming FAT and DISCUSTING. like, beyond. i hate eating food. i dont really know what else to say other than that. however, my little fascination with food includes knowing the cals in everything. everything i can possibly find out makes me happy. all the neg cal foods, the carbs, and fatty icky stuff. i love knowing how much im actually putting in my body. i just hate thinking about it afterward because knowing that ive eaten bewteen 300-500 cals grosses me out. {my friends make me eat at lunch with them hgzandkssz247@hotmail.com
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Serena's Story

Hello everyone my name is Serena. I am eighteen years old and I have had my eating disorder for about seven years now. I go back and fourth from not eating to binging and purging. Mostly though I tend not to eat becuase I am afraid of being fat. I am currently 5'1" and I weigh 110 pounds. I am trying though to get down to 100 by May 20. I think that I will do a pretty good job. My anorexia started when I was in sixth grade. I always threw away my sandwitch and cookies at lunch for as long as I can remember but in sixth grade I started to throw my whole lunch away. I thought that eating was disgusting and that it was only making me fat. I also had problems with my father constantly telling me that I needed to do one thing or another to my body and so I decided in order to stop that I would eat less. I htink that I was around 105 pound until I got to eighth grade then I was suddenly 125 pounds and 5'0". I felt fat and I hated myself so I decided to eat even less. Although half way between eighth grade I decided that I wanted to have larger breasts and so I thought that eating and gaining wieght might do that for me. I know that was dumb. Well I grew to 5'1" and ended up going into my freshmen year at 135 pounds. Yes I did have bigger breasts but I was also fat. But I could not stop the eating. I wanted to eat more and more. I think that I was depressed because my parents were fighting a lot. They were getting really loud and I hated it. I know that screwed me up a lot becuase I started to cut. I would cut as much as possible and I loved the feelings that I would get. That was when I met my best friend. Me and her loved eachother a lot and we got along very well. She was anorexic and also a cutter. Well we went to this Catholic school and we were both Wiccans. We did not however tell anyone that we were so no one knew for a while. But slowly we began not to care and others even knew about out cuts. Well it turns out that another girl became friends with us and she had a maniac boyfriend. By this time I was 145 pounds and about to kill myself for being that fat. But I kept going. Well this friends boyfriend threatend to rape me and my two friends so we got scared. We all told the principal and the chaplain. HEH I would like to take that back. Well they all went against us and thought that we had put a spell on the boy. By this time I was eating like a pig and cutting even worse. Well I was told that I could either leave the school or I would be kicked out. So I left. I felt really depressed because I missed my best friend and I really hated myself for being fat. Now I was 156 pounds. I really wanted to die and I did not care who found my body. So I went on like that for a good year. I was 16 years old and not happy. That was when I found another school to go to the next year and I would no longer have to be homeschooled. Well I was about 145 pounds again when I came into the school and I decided to go anorexic again. Well here I am now a senior and still living the great anorexic life. I am 110 pounds as of this morning and feeling perfect. I just hope that I do not have to eat soon. I am still Wiccan and I am hoping never to go up to that horrid 156 pounds like I did that time I was depressed. I no longer cut but I think about it constantly. I just hope that I will find comfort by becoming a member and being able to talk to others like me. littlemoonbunny@lycos.com
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Fara's Story

Almost two years ago I was forced to move out of state to Michigan. I was very unhappy and depressed for about 6 months and even today Im really disappointed but I have moved on. I believe that I had depression although I was never treated. I was 13. About 2 months after I moved, I started thinking about hurting myself to get attention and starve, though at the time I was in denial. None of this really came true, I sometimes pinched myself so hard that i had a cut or I even tried to break a bone. I realize it was horrible, I just wanted people to know what I was going through. Anorexia and self infliction left my mind a few months afterward. A few months ago, I started to get obsessed with my weight even more, I thought there might be some ana sites and I found several and even some of my friends were or are ana. I am happy to know I have support. Just recently I have made a vow to lose enough weight by the summer. I just want perfection and I realize all I wanted before was control of my life. I hate being compared to my skinny sister and cousins. People call me skinny but I hardly find that true. During the summer, for one day I ate nothing and I wasnt even hungry it was really weird. I dont fast because I know it will screw up my metabolism even more. I also dont purge because I know its really gross and Ive tried & I cant anyway. Well thats my story & my name is Fara pinkstarrlight@hotmail.com
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gutterglitter's Story

I'm not strictly anorexic... more mia that turned ana-ish. I was a plump 11 year old when i started high-school. I was desperately insecure. My best friend and i fell out. she had an older sister who was a retarded gobby cunt. she and her friends spent their time trying to intimadate me. i couldn't care less what they said, their comments were like water off a ducks back to me. Untill they started on my weight. At the start ofthe school year, i was 5'5 and 9and 1/2 stone or130 pounds, big by anyones standards. due to comfort eating and misery by the end of the school year, i was 5'5 11 1/2 stone or 161 pounds. i was huge. That summer, my father forced me to enroll in a marital arts class and by this time i had discovered music. instead of eating all the time, i had something else to fill the hole with. but i maintained my massive weight. People other than the retard crew began to saythings about my weight. wheni went back to school after the summer holidays, things went from bad to worse. I adored marilyn mansons music and i thoughthe really 'unnderstood' with his reject and suicide songs. So i took it upon myself to become a goth. and in a small-minded country school, it's the last thing you should do if you want to be ignored. The comments became more frequent. A boy I had a huge crush on told me i was disgusting and why dont i lose weight?... on my birthday all the boys in my class gave me dog biscuits wrapped up in birthday paper. on the bus two boys from a few years above would spit in my hair and throw things at me. they told me i didn't deserve to be alive as my fat whale body took up so much room. I went home one night and my fatherand i got into an argument, he calledme a fat piece of shit who just ate and ate and ate. he threw hiws plate with dinner on at meand threw me up the stairs then dragged me into my room. I ran myself a bath got in and slashed my wrists with his razorblade. Obviously, i survived. I started throwing up when i was 10, but now it became more and more often, i would do it in the school toilets, skiving of lessons. then one wonderful day i learnt not to eat. in the spaceof the six week summer holidays, i went down to 125 pounds. And i went backtoschool, andpeople began to like me. the people who had taunted me to the point where i just wanted to curl up and die, suddenly wanted me about. that was two years ago. i have gained and lost (right now im 125)seen numerous counsellers and have confessed my dirty little secret to my best friend my beautiful fiancewho i adore. my aimis to get to 110,then 99. maniqueen@hotmail.com
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foreverperfection's Story

I never was the "popular one" in highschool, but I did happen to hang out with the 'in crowd'. However, that all changed last year in twelfth grade. My friends and I all left our different cliques, all the cliques were popular, and we all had alot to lose. All we wanted was to be left alone our last year. Instead, to make a long story short we became the most popular talked about girls in our school, and to this day I don't know how. The worst part was both my friends had amazing things going for them. One was extremely thin, trust me her body was amazing, the other wasn't thin, but her looks and big chest made up for it. I felt out of place, I was 130 pounds at 5'4 and I was average and disgusting. I had some stretch marks, thick thighs, and a stomach I was ashamed of and hid under sweaters. The pressure was extreme. I don't even like talking about all the attention they got, I don't want to let you guys feel any more sorry for me then you probably do now. Well last summer, summer of '03 was the best summer of my life I was determined to change, not for the people at my school, we graduated, but to change my life from here on out. I went from 130 punds to 120 pounds. I started university September '03, this year I've heard amazing comments everyone seems to think I look amazing, my pretty friend with the big boobs? She was pretty jelouse, accused me of going to the gym, and signed up for one herself. Still haven't seen any change in her though. So all this is to let you know you can do it with self dicipline, crazy exercise and a friend. UPDATE: "I've lost a bit more but I'm nowhere near my goal." foreverperfection@aol.com
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Jul's Story

Starting when I was 10 I dieted and withheld food. However, for awhile after I turned 15 or so I began to eat more normally, but I was very active in sports including cross country when I was a senior. I came to college and I gained the freshman 15, so after the first semester I was a fat 5'4" at 135lbs. I switched colleges for the next spring semester and that is when I began restricting food again. I was depressed, so I didn't really have much of an appetite anyway and within 6 months I had lost over 30lbs. and I weighed 103. For the next 2 years I would fast for days in a row and I had headaches all of the time from not eating. I rarely threw up since I rarely ate. My mom made me "get better" and I gained weight. I started to eat "normally" again. I lost the hunger headaches and as mom said, I weighed a sensible 120lbs. I thought maybe I had kicked the urge to fast . . . but . . . Finally, I kept gaining weight until I reached 130lbs, and that was in August 2002; by January 2003 I was down to 120, but I wasn't fasting or throwing up -- I had bought a dog back in August! For some reason, I think because of stress with my now ex-boyfriend, I started to fast again at the end of January 2003. By the summer I was exercising almost every day and I would go 4 or 5 days and only have a low-fat organic smoothie in the mornings. I went back down to 108. Mom lost it (again), and insisted that I gain some weight (I am 27, but Mom still watches like a hawk!). So to make her happy I gained 6lbs -- it was tough to see the scale go up, no, it was brutal! I still catch myself wanting to fast pretty much everyday. I am trying to eat breakfast (a smoothie) and lunch, but skip dinner instead of fasting all together. I still want to lose about 10lbs, so I am running a lot still. I want to do a marathon in January, so I don't want to wear myself down by fasting, but it is a struggle everyday, and many days I lose that battle. julalle2@yahoo.com
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Mayla's Story

Hi, I'm an 'Ana' and this has been an ongoing battle for me - I was a gymnast when I was young, and because of the weekly weigh-in I was really aware of my body and body fat percentages. I was on a 'continuous' diet. As I got older I picked up dance, swim team, and cheerleading - and I suppose that prancing around in little clothes in front of people made me that much more aware - but that part of my life was a long time ago... I really think that my more recent experiences are the more important ones. When I first came to college four years ago I got a little too comfortable and I gained a bunch of weight (about 20 pounds) - I moved in with a couple of girls that were a little bigger, and we started working out all of the time... also we had a couple of friends that were really really really little - and they joined us at the gym for our daily workout. It was after that school year that I decided that enough was really enough - and I wanted the body back that I had when I was younger - I knew that it was going to be hard because I remembered how hard it was to maintain what I had then - but I was determined... that summer I lost over thirty pounds and got smaller than I had ever been. I came back to university the next year and everyone was totally blown away and I got so many compliments - I loved it. I was working out about 3 and half hours everyday - mostly running and doing other cardio - I continued to lose weight and I dropped about another 15 pounds. I still hated my body (as always)- then my boyfriend and I decided to move in together - and that made it really hard to continue with all of my habits of not eating and purging when I do - so I ended up gaining about 6 and a half pounds - and that is where I am now - I moved out into my own place, thinking that it would be easier to do what I want with my food - but it really isn't - because he really has caught onto what has been going on - but I think we are at a little bit of an understanding because he is constantly trying to get bigger and bigger (body building) - and I am constantly trying to get smaller and smaller. So, that is my story - in a 'nut-shell'. mayla_ana@hotmail.com
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Jodie's Story

ok it all started in about 6th grade (I was 11 then, i'm almost 14 now) Yes, it ended up being for a guy. I had never heard of "pro-ana" until later. I decided to fast for just one day and see what happens. I ended up fasting for 3 days and losing over 5 lbs. I was ecstatic. I went online and decided to try to find out more about this glorious "disease." I found some pro-ana sites. I think bluedragonfly was my first. I became addicted. Now in seventh grade. (im in 8th now) My didorder wasn't too severe. I just started to try bulimia. It wasn't working at first...nothing would come up. But from the websites, I new that that was normal and I would eventually get it. Well, i did. And i was so happy, knowing that i could now eat, but not be guilty because i could make it come back up. That was so satisfying. I became addicted. Now, 8th grade. (well, theres only a month left of school) I am "bulimerexic." (anorexic, mostly but with bursts of bulimia) My didorder isn't really severe...i still have my period. I guess my main goal is 1) to be perfect...skinny and beautiful and 2) to have people worry about me Shortygurl62190@aol.com
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starvingperfection's Story

when iwas in the 8th grade i was like 190 5"11 and i couldnt stand to look in the mirror which i still cant and now im in the 9th and im 170 and i need to have bettrer control.me ed has been up and down. i want to get to100.i will . i just feel like im the fttest person and evrywhere i go i feel people are staring at me like i weigh 1000 lbs. my best friend is bulimic and we understand the ed but know shaes moving.i never thought i could lose weght but now its happening bcuz of ana.my friends say it could kill me but they dont understand.ana is my life.starve and exercise is what i do.the end result will fullfil my dream of being wayythin! im just a happier person now that ana is iin me!i love to loke atpics of twiggy!she my role model!its the life i will live til i die!! xosassyblondexo@yahoo.com
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Sarah's Story

My father was an alcoholic and my mom always seemed to be on a diet. She seemed to think that if she was just a little slimmer that he would stop drinking or at least stop cheating on her. I remember watching my mom changing for a wedding or something and thinking that she was skinny but that her tummy was fat. I was probally about 8 or 9 years old. I remember thinking that if my mom was happier then my dad wouldn't leave for a month at a time. Some where along the way my brain seemed to put the idea of happieness together with being slim. I was sexually asulted when I was 12. I never told anyone. The day after that I wanted to disappear. In my head I knew that if I could be slim I would be happy and if not then maybe I could just disappear.I wanted to be so fricken skinny that I could just be gone. I was a slim kid but my self awareness of my weight made me a very slim teen. I would lay on the floor in my room and lay my ruler on my hips. If my ruler could touch each hip with out touching tummy then I was fine. If the ruler rested on my tummy then I would stop eating for days. In general I lived on very little food. One time in highschool I fainted or just about fainted...I'm not sure. But someone asked when the last time was that I had eaten and I said I ate bread 3 days ago. Well....that was when I realized that my eating was a bit different from some people. My parents started making meals and expected me to eat all of this food. Thank goodness for working parents because we never ate together so I would just make myself a plate of food and then after everyone had seen it I would toss it or I would stash it until I could throw it away. The rest of that year was spent trying to stay away from home. At age 16 & 3/4 I jumped out of my window and my aunt helped me move my aunts home. My aunt was an old woman who believed that young ladies should be very thin. I was very thin but I wore layers of clothing to hide it. She put me on a diet which helped when summer hit because she felt that my slim body was her doing. If only she knew...I threw all of her food away. At age 19 I got married and moved to another country. I Realized that my marriage was a bad one. I felt out of control and lonely in a country who's lauguage I didn't speak. It was then that I started fasting. There was nothing better that going 9 days with out eating. This was so empowering. After a couple of years I divorced him and moved back to my home town. I stuggle with the long fasts now .. they don't seem as easy. I don't binge because I just can't. I am aware of every drop of anything that goes into my mouth. People around me either are so used to me or they don't see it. When someone does notice my eating habits I always have a reasonable explanation. I like that way my eating makes me feel. thin_secret@hotmail.com
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Kate's Story

Hey there, Dont really know where to start with this 'eating disorder story' coz its been so long, feel like I've been living it forever. I guess I should start with the fact that for as long as I can remember I've always had an issue with my weight. I havent always had an ED that started about 3 years ago - I'm anorexic! I have been in treatment but I guess the fact that I'm writing this means that it didnt really work. My lowest weight was probably about 108lbs and my highest weight has been 170lbs - big difference eh! I've also got a bit of a problem with slimming pills in that I take them like all the time. This isnt the complete story but I guess it will do! K xxxxxxxx tits@email.com
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Alexsis's Story

Hi I am 15 years of age and for the last 3 months or so I think I might have anorexia. I don't feel like I do but I have lost a lot of weight here lately, and I don't feel like I have. Just a couple months ago I weighed 125 pounds. I stopped eating so much. I limited myself to 700 calories or less. In the first couple weeks i lost 15 pounds and maintained a 110-115 pounds weight. I was not satisfied. I limited myself even lower. I TRY not to eat no more than 450-500 calories. When I even eat 1000 calories I punish myself. I will do several crunches and ride my bike and force myself to go faster and faster. I weight now jumps around between 103-107 and I want to lose more weight. I don't feel skinny. Everyone says I am but I don't think so. I want to be 95-98 pounds and I have come to a conclusion that I will do anything to get there. I still limit my calories and I will continue to until I reach my goal. I get scared that I will gain weight even if I eat 1 potato chip. I don't need help. At least not now. I actually want to be anorexic. If I don't lose the weight I want, I want and will become more of an anorexic. I am afraid to eat in front of people because I feel like a pig, even if I barely touch anything. I have the greatest fear ever of gaining weight. I weigh myself about 4-6 times a day and if I gain a pound or half of a pound I force myself to not eat for a long time. That's my story so far. I will keep you updated. email me anytime if you wish. passions_14@hotmail.com
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Jess's Story

I am anorexic. I am this way for many reasons, and have been since about age 12. My family is what some would call "big-boned". None are fat, but all of the women are pear shaped and constantly talk about the size of their butts. The only family member different from this body shape is one of my aunts, and she is consistently ostracized for it. I fit the normal body type for my family once I hit puberty, and this was not okay with me. People continually commented on my hips and my butt and my breasts and I just wanted them all to go away and to look like my skinny aunt. So I started skipping meals. I don't know where I got the idea, but to me it was the only solution. I didn't lost much weight at that age, and my eating patterns fluxuated a lot. Until I was about 16. When I was in 11th grade, I met a guy whose name I won't say. I liked him a lot, and he seemed to really like spending time with me. I just wanted to be perfect for him. That year, I lost 30 pounds. He was my best friend, and he knew what was going on. I never told him, but he was around me enough to know. Soon after I lost all the weight (over about a period of a month) he told me he was gay. This was absolutely earth-shattering to me. I started to resent him because he had led me on, but at the same time that just made me want to be even skinnier and prettier because maybe he would change his mind. Instead of changing his mind, he told our school psychologist. At that time, I was forced into treatment at an outpatient clinic. I was weighed once a week, I had to log all of my meals, and I had to undergo normal talk therapy. After about 2 months of it, I stopped going. I just never went again. My mom didn't know it was a choice, I told her our insurance didn't cover it anymore. After that, this boy went away to college a year before me and I began to pretend he never existed. He manipulated me, betrayed me, and destroyed a year of my life. Still, even with him gone, I believe that if I am not perfect and skinny, every boy will tell me they are gay. I could never handle that again. So today I am in college, on a 350 calorie a day diet (plus a 6 mile run, one hour of aerobics, and 400 situps). I never,ever want to lapse back into eating 3 meals a day or 2000 calories like some people do. Just the thought disgusts me and makes me want to do more situps. I will be perfect and skinny someday, and finally be comfortable in my skin. jdl11785@yahoo.com
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Amanda's Story

When I was 12, I had alot of problems so I was put in a mental institution. While I was there the doctors perscribed my two meds, both of which cause weight gain. {they didnt tell ME about the weight gain part!} When I started the medications I was of normal weight, at 5'4 and 120 pounds. Ihad no problems with food at the time. Over a period of two years, I had gained alot of weight and eventually got up to 270 pounds. I dont know why I let it get that far, but I did. I hated my life at 270 pounds, and I went on alot of diets, but always failed. I had been on the cabbage soup diet, had gone to weight watchers, had been on the grapefruit diet, the atkins diet, the rice diet, every diet you can think of, Iv been on it. So I became bulimic, and over one year I had gotten down to 160 pounds, and plateaued. I fell into anorexia, and lost another 30 pounds in about 5 monthes. I stayed at 130 for a year, then my boyfriend started forcefeeding me and I ended up at 170 again. I got down to 125 in a year, and I have maintained for two years. ironymaiden000@aol.com
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Bean's Story

Last summmer I fell into the abyss. My life was going nowhere fast, I felt like I was spiraling out of control. The only thing i had control over was my body. My whole life I wanted nothing more than to be thin, to be airy, to be beautiful. I played around with so many different types of drugs before realizing speed makes me not want to eat. I started doing speed all the time, that led to other pills, anything to be thin. When i couldnt get the drugs, i smoked ciggarettes like a fiend. Fat was evil. I was fat. I sucked I wanted to die. I never ate. Unless i was forced by my mother to do so and she worked 4pm-2am. Never around to see if i ate or not. And when she made me eat I would throw up anyway...when she got suspicious i would find ways to throw my food away or as THE LAST OPTION pick at it and take boxes of laxatives later. I lost 30 lbs quickly. Then I got stuck...on a plain I would say later. It all went bad from there, i was so malnourished i was collapsinig all the time. No one was catching on yet. Everyone still saw me as fat. At nite I would pray for my bones to protrude a little more. I started binging and purging constantly. At least 5 times a day. I dropped 20 more pounds. Then I had a breakdown. I was dying I could no longer support myself when i walked. I was on so many drugs I no longer knew who I was, or if i was coming or going. Everyone saw the skinny girl, i saw fat. They saw bones. I left that town. To a new town, I arrived a size 3. I'm still here. I'm wearing size 1's with a belt now. I lost so many friends. Everyone says I'm so tiny and so perfect, but I'm sorry I'm not. I'm so fat...I just want to die shady_babe13@hotmail.com
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