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Mary's Story

I can't remember a time when I wasn't over-weight. As early as about 4 i remember being the fattest girl in class. I was in a catholic grade school with only 5 girls in my graduating elementry school class. They were all thin and pretty and I was so envious. I even started my period earlier than them and was always taller. In middle school and now I was always the girl that was over-looked. Pitied because i was FAT. My dad was the worst though...all the time telling me how lazy I was and how fat I was and what I should and shouldn't be eating. Everytime he would start to talk about food, even now, i break out in tears. I've always been and all or nothing kind of girl, so I was ither eating everything or nothing. It got worse when my mother died and i reached my highest weight of 245 lbs. Because of her death I moved in with my father who of course wouldnt leave me alone about it. (even though hes fat as a pregnant woman) So here I am today. I'm both ana and mia. I try not to eat but when I do, I try to throw up as much as I can. I've been doing this for a year or so now. My goal weight is 120. (Im 5'8 case anyone wanted to know) butterfly_mkm@yahoo.com
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Davis' Story

When I was twelve many people commented on me that I was skinny. I loved the fact I was skinnier than all my friends. Then they all started going through puberty and got thihgs and hips, I did not want to lose my reputation. I decided I should go on an 800 calorie diet. I ate nothing with fat in it and ate little during the day and picked at my food at dinner. I started doing the Firm everyday. I could not go to sleep unless I had done one or two Firm videos. I started keeping a journal with all my calorie contents in it. I noticed that I hadn't been eating more than 6oo calories a day though. I began to feel cold a lot, on my hands and feet. My hands turned purple and I had to sit on them so they wouldnt freeze off. My friends noticed and I told them it was a throyid disease, and they believed me. The popular, skinny girls told me how skinny I was, I loved it. My parents started noticing my weight loss but to tell you the truth they didn't really care. I wore sweathirts to cover up myself and block the cold weather wheich did not exist. I loved the fact I could lay down and see my hip bones. When summer came it was noticable, a lot. I weighed 79 Lbs at five foot. I had only lost a total of 20Lbs in two months. My mom threatened to call a doctor, the doctor saw me and said I had a slight case of Anorexia. He said I took to much fat out of my diet. When I got home I still counted calories but mom watched over me like a hawk. Soon my taste buds soared at the thought of all this good food, for I had been Anorexic for 4 months. I soon loved to eat, in a short amount of time I gained 30 Lbs. I started feeling depressed, and wanted to cry when I looked in the mirror. I thought of surcide, but I could not do it, for shortly after my deppression someoe else commited surcide and I didn't want anyne thinking I was a copycat or something. It's coming back, and now it's starting all over again, but this time I won't be fed like a poor lonly girl. This time Anna will stay with me, and know one can chase her away. fearlessX19@aim.com
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Brianne's Story

Hi i am 17. i have been struggling with my weight wince i was in 7th grade. i Was diagnosed with IBS (a chronic colon disorder) and lost over 11 lbs in 2 weeks putting me at 88lbs and i was 5'1. i looked great. It was a blessing in disguise. but once i felt better and was out of the hospital i began eating like crazy and skyrocketed to 126lbs at 5'6", it sucks and now for the past few years i have been up and down with my weight. i am able to loose a few pounds here and there easily and can fast for days. but its the binging that literally packs on the pounds, and i cant control my cravings all the time. i dropped 10 lbs in 2 weeks just recently. and within the next week was right back where i started. this website is great, i need somewhere to go when i have my cravings that can persuade me otherwise. i need to loose wieght, i am sick of being the "fat girl" in my group. i get made fun of all the time b/c i have a pudge. but lately i have gotten a cute hair cut and tan and am trying to completly transform once and 4 all - i want to go from a caterpiller to the butterfly that i deserve to be. i just need a little support. thanks very much and good luck to everyone. swak100x@yahoo.com
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Tess's Story

If I think back really hard, I can remember the first time I looked in the mirror and started crying. I was probably seven years old and getting ready to start dance class. I recall thinking that I was the fattest person in the whole room. Eventually, I quit dancing because the obsession with my classmates tiny figures caused too much pain in me. Thus ended my childhood. I became withdrawn, even "weird" according to people I went to school with. I was very quiet growing up and I always managed to maintain the highest marks in my high school. My eating disorders started when I was twelve. I started to exercise compulsively, staying up after my parents went to bed, never stopping until my body forced me to. I started to loose weight and I started to get attention from people. At thirteen, I realized the power I had over my body and how I could use it. I could shape it into the person everyone wanted to be. I created masks: I was Tess the "peer councellor," determined to rid the world of teenage depression, I was Tess the "punk," no colour was too bright for my hair, no loose skin left unpierced, I was Tess the "straight-A student," friend to all teachers, I was Tess the "happy, popular, crazy, wild, weird, philosophical, wise" etc... My life was a fraud because, by fourteen, I was a full-blown anorexic. I would not eat breakfast or lunch (the lunches I would pack for myself in front of my mother, I would sell to people for cigarettes) and dinner was dependant on my mothers work schedule. If she was home, I would eat dinner with the family and purge it as soon as possible. If she was at work, I would eat 1/4 of a cucumber and a glass of orange juice (about 75 calories a day). I would also exercise every night like I always did. Pretty soon, I was no longer beautiful, I was sick. At 102 pounds (I'm 5"3), my mom draged me to the doctors. The scale magically said 112 pounds that day and the doctor said I was still in the safe zone for my height (I had leg weights under my pants). When I dropped down to under 95 pounds, I was put into a treatment facility for two months. I am 21-years-old now and recovering from the sudden death of my father in a car accident. I cannot deny the voice in my head. Ana is back and I missed her so much. I think I was also triggered by a recent break-up. My "boyfriend" was cheating on me. This is kind of strange but I live in China now as an English teacher. The guy I was seeing wanted to keep our relationship a secret because, in China, interracial relaionships are still a new idea. Anyways, as it turns out, I was just another conquest to him. I feel better now because I have ana to keep me satisfied. She is what makes me feel beautiful and powerful, not any man. I have lost 18 pounds in two weeks and I feel better than ever. twonsiak@hotmail.com
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Adriena's Story

Im sorry I dont really have time to write the whole story. However I know Ive always been un comfortable with my appearence. I started restricting at an early age and never turned back. I once was mia because ana was too hard. I then commited to ana after seeing so many people thinner than me so by the summer of 03 I had done 22 days total of fasting. Then my parents started to notice my weight loss and brougt me to the doctor. I had loss thirty pounds, but gained two the day before the appointment by binging. I was impressed that it was so easy. I started again after my parents stopped paying attention.I was free. Then I looked up anorexia online and found precious bluedragonfly. I was addicted. I was also at this time two weeks prior to being institutinalized. I denied every thing at laurelwood. I was 93 pounds and almost at my goal weight. I went up to ninety - five and havent been closer ever since. anaprincess08@aol.com
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Kat's Story

im a 19 years old female orginally from Mass. but now living in Virginia. ive had an eating disorder for about 5 years now since my freshman year of high school. ive been on and off treatments of all sorts. right now im looking for support with my ed, to be able to talk to others going through the same things as me. Anasbabygirl2@aol.com
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Mandi's Story

I started having ED behavior when I was about 13-14. I was a lil overweight but really badly. I became suddenly really sick with mono and I lost so much weight everyone "ooohed" and "ahhhhed" about how fabulous I was looking. By the time I was 15 I was losing more and more weight and more and more people commented. At one point my mother asked me if I was eating disordered and of course I said no. I honestly didn't see that I had an issue. I would excuse myself from dinner every night, not because I didn't want to eat but, because I hated being near my mother. She was mean and evil...everything she said to me was full of hate and rage. I stopped eating at school because for some reason I thought it would show I was weak like the other girls to eat. I still honestly had no idea this wasn't normal. By the time I was 19 I discovered I could eat, I just could "get rid" of it after. I continued gorging myself and purging day in and day out for the next ten years. I ballooned up doubling my weight (180) in that ten years. I was hospitalized at one point for bullimia. I didn't recover, I only realized I had to be more "sneaky" about my activities. Now I'm restricting more and purging less. I still have an ED mindset. I don't think it will ever go away. Puggerfly@AOL.com
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Jenna's Story

I have just recently became ana, My boyfriend and i broke up about 2 months ago because he cheated on me, and i was looking for anyway to find control over somthing. Control is the main reason i am doing this i dont like not being able to stop people from doing things or doing them, and i figured that one way of controling somthing was to control when i eat and when i dont eat. Plus, i know that i am fat, and i hate the way i look, im always couting my calories and things like that. And since im just starting out in my "ana life" and im trying so so hard not to eat but i keep wantiong to i need support and alot of it. Reddevilsweetie@charter.net
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anghella's Story

well im 22 years old and ive had bulimia for as long as i can remember..at least like 10 years. i have been hospitalized many times in different hospitals in philadelphia, including renfrew, belmont, and friends. I honesty dont ever see myself gettin better. Its just impossible it seems like this is how i was meant to spend my life and most of the time this is what i see myself dieing from. I binge and purge very often. Sometimes up to like 20 times a day. food is the only thing that is ever on my mind. its all i think about. seriously most of my time is spent either eating, puking, or thinkin about what i can eat next. i also find that no matter how thin i get i am never ever happy with my body. it actually seems the thinner i get the more unhappy i am with my body as weird as that sounds. i always thought when i can wear a size 0 i will definitly be thin enough! yeah that wasnt true. angheiia@aol.com
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Crystal's Story

I was always a cubby kid an got picked on alot because of it. My father was both verbaly an physicaly abuse. I don't know why exactley but when I was 13 I started a diet. At first I would eat 1000 calories an day then only 900. That still wasen't making me loss weight fast enuff. I kept reducing the amount I ate till I was only eating 300 calories an day. I would walk home from school instead of taking the bus, in order to burn off more calories. I snapped out of this pase after about a year an started eating normaly again. Then when I was 18 I started doing this agin only this time I knew much more about nutrition an diets so I went on the atkins diet. I ate around 400 cals a day of all protein an 10 grams or less of carbs. I got down to 118 an then started eating carbs again. I am curently 21 I am 5 foot 6 an weight 124.5 as of this morning. I live in Tallahassee fl. I have recently gone threw a break up with my girl-friend. Yes I am a Lesbien if anyone has a problem with that sue me. I joined legends health club last week an have been trying to due the low-carb thing again an exercise alot. I weighed 126 last week so have already lost a pound in a half. I would love to chat with other ana's. anagiacarangi@yahoo.com
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Sammie's Story

I was a fit little girl until I became nine, then things started going wrong. All my life it seems, i've been fat. All my life = 9 and on. I turned to not eating. It worked. I lost 33.5 pounds from my high weight of 163. Then gained some weight back. I'm back on track, and I really would like some support. I'm not a wannabe ana. I was at one point, but now, I can't stop... obsessedana@aol.com
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Nicki's Story

Not particularly sure why I began losing weight. There must have been some void to fill after my best friend and only friend moved away and failed to keep in touch. I was alone. I became parnoid in public, I became obsessed with cleanliness, and I killed all communication w/ anyone and everyone, including my familyy. Losing weight was a way for me to take control over myself and my life and served as some sort of campanion. When others began to notice the weight drop, they made comments, and inside my head I was smiling. So that was 4 years ago. My 8th grade year. I'm a Senior now, graduating in 2 weeks. A lot has changed. I have a boyfriend, I'm more socialable, yet I'm still sick. Since then, I've struggled with my weight. I've been able to accomplish being at my lowest target weight off and on. I'm on the ED-NOS wheel, having binged w/o purging, binged and purged - purged as a last resort; I don't recommend it - and have starved time and time again. Everything just seems so out of control, and I need inspiration to keep going. I'd rather be dead than gain the weight back. I'm doing ok now, better than previous times, but I'm not doing my best. And I will, I know this. The eating disorder will forever be a part of my life, and I'll more than likely struggle with my weight for the rest of my life. I just need to find solace and some piece of mind, wherever I'm able to find it. BeneathFlesh@darknessffear.com
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Tracy's Story

Well it depends how far you want to go back. When I was in Second grade I was on a "diet" and didn't eat my luch and fainted on the playground. I started purging when I was 14. I go into pro-ana when I was 18 from a Dr. Phil show (go figure). I joined a group on MSN, that group has been passed down to me. Since I've been the mgr we've been shut down several times but have always made it through to the next set up. Now I'm surffing the net finding hot spots for my girls...and me. ;) Can't wait to see what this is all about...the place looks great so far. legalmuffin@juno.com
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Melissa's Story

it all started in 7th grade, i started gaining weight and i wasn't sure why. my parents were always small, so i started to worry why i was gaining so much weight. i started getting called 'fat' all the time. i couldn't take it anymore, so i started excersizing hardcore and not eating as much. i started to see results, but not as fast as i'd wanted the results to be. so, i got my older friends to buy me diet pills and laxies, that worked wonders for a while, and then i guess my body just got immune to the pills, so again i was unhappy. eating less and less and drinking a lot more fluids helped a lot and i liked the results that i was getting. but my 9th grade year in high school, my mom passed away and i got depressed and didn't know how to control my eating habits. i turned to food as my comfort, that wasn't a good idea because i got so disgustingly huge. ever since then, i've been trying to go back how i was when i was in middle school, i'm out of high school now and i'm just so unhappy with myself. i just want to crawl into a little hole and waste away to nothing. lostxthoughts@yahoo.com
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Heather's Story

Where to begin... I have been struggling with my ED since the age of thirteen. It started in eighth grade just with simple dieting and exercise. By the time tenth grade hit it came in full force. I made the school dance team. That meant everyone would be looking at me during football games and basketball games. And being insecure and you body and the thought of people looking at me closely was absolutely frightening. People began to notice that I was losing weight and it made me feel really good. I went from 115 down to 80 pounds and ended up being hospitalized. When I got out of the hospital I lasted for about three months before I want back to old habits. Now at seventeen I am struggling to get my weight back down. Its been so frustrating because it seems like no matter what I do I am stuck at my current weight. capluvshll@aol.com
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Ella's Story

Unknowingly when i was 15 started using laxies to help me lose weight to be a cheerleader, it worked, time passed, and i got pregnant after i had my baby at age 16 i was 210 pounds at height of 5'4", and then i got super depressed and ate my way up to at least 220.... finally i was fed up and about a year ago i started ana up again and laxies, i dropped from 198 to 1598 in a matter of 3 months. then i got into an abusive realtionship with this guy whom force fed me, and ballooned back up to 188 then in november i started dieting aga. now ana is back full force after tons of hard work and i weigh 162.5...and i am super happy.. i just found your site and though it was amazing and i have to be a member. i am in 3 yahoo groups and at least 2 on msn. i love ana for all that she is worth Perfect_ella@yahoo.com
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femmefatale's Story

hello.. my story eh.. well to pin point when my illness started i was quite young (12ish) I remember wanting to eat more cake at a birthday party and my grandmother saying, "oh no honey, you dont want to eat that! youll get fat!" Obviously i wasnt affected immediately but as the years went on, i became a dancer (no explanation needed there..) so i was always concerned about my weight. Then finally just about over a year ago, I starting gaining more and more weight cause of a really bad breakup and a car accident, so i wanted to lose weight instantly, so i did crazy diets, then began purging and eating. THEN got addicted to laxatives, then became ana. Sorta a dominino self destructive effect.. and within the past half a year or so my ana has really gotten out of control (weighing my food, counting calories, weighing myself like ever hour.. etc etc) so thats my story. amy_is_fatal@hotmail.com
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kareBear's Story

Several months ago i decided to do the whole 'recovery' shit by going on the raw foods diet. This diet has made me several pounds HEAVIER than i was, most probably because i stopped counting calories.Ever since 'quitting' my eating disorder(mia/ana/aka EDNOS)shit has just been going all wrong...i just got dumped by my liar of an ex boyfriend and im in jeapordy of not graduating on time b/c of fucking GYM....yada yada you get the point in cas here. I started vomiting when i was twelve...it started with my best friend at the time, on halloween night, as we sat there puking our candy back into our trick-or-treat bags.It very quickly became addictive and habitual and happened to coincide with my severe cutting of the arms issue. From then on, i switched constantly from binge eating bulimic to a disciplined anorexic. Unfortunately my lowest weight was only 90. When i was fifteen a social worker learned of my fucked up ED patterns and sent me away to Renfrew in philly...renfrew had a counter effect on me and made me worse in every sense. From then on, i started to use to substances to prevent my appetite, like coke, diet pills(which i was on for three years straight and recently got off of), speed, adderall, ritalin.. I need my ed back so badly. Im shit without her. lilairheadkiss@aol.com
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Hannah's Story

I was born weight conscious, I swear to god...I remember being six and muting the TV when I knew the word "fat" was going to be said because I thought everyone would think of me. I remember being eight at my sister's birthday party and having my great grandpa say that if I ate too many potato chips I would get fat. Stuff like that stuck with me forever for some reason. I moved from the place that I grew up (a small farm community) to a larger city around my eleventh birthday and I realized that the kids here were different. By different I mean skinny, gorgeous, and cruel. I would cry in the bathroom of my new elementary school everyday because no one would talk to me unless it was to call me fat or ugly, and there was even a girl named Chealsea that threatened to kill me every day in art class. I started cutting down on food intake to lose weight but I'd just gain it back again. In the sixth grade I moved to a middle school that I really loved because no one knew eachother and I met my best friends. But I still got made fun of a lot for being fat. Even teachers would single me out. If I wore a sleeveless shirt, I had to go change. If a skinny girl wore a cute sleeveless shirt, teachers would compliment their cute attire. So I started fasting for weeks at a time. However, as soon as I would come off of a fast, I would binge for just as long as I had fasted for. In sixth grade (at the end of the school year) I was about 4 feet 8 inches tall and one-hundred-fourty pounds. Pretty fat. So I went hardcore with the fasting that summer, got down to about 125 by the next school year. One of my friends came up to me all excited and said "Oh my god, you look so much better! Everyone is talking about how great you look!" That made me feel really great, so I decided to keep going. I got down to 118. Then my friends told the guidence counselor that I was anorexic and she called my parents. So then at the end of 8th grade I was like 5'0 and 124 pounds. Ninth grade I got down to 116, and then I was hospitalized twice for suicide attempts and bulimia because I had started binging and purging. What's worse is that one of my guidence counselors sent an email to all my teachers telling them where I had been for the last month and why. Damn, did I get some weird fucking looks. The looks that say "Huh? I thought bulimics were skinnier than THAT". But yes, that was the first hospitalization. The second was in summer and they put me on even more meds which made me gain up to about 155 pounds at 5'2. That's a lot. I started getting teased again because I hit 155 in the middle of sophomore year. One of the teachers that had gotten the bulimia email even snickered at me when she saw how much weight I had gained. So then I started fasting and got down to about 114, now I'm 119. I have a long way to go. I need to be eighty pounds at the most because I'm short.... I guess now I'm more bulimic than anorexic, but I definitely have anorexic tendancies. That's my story. thefairyraven@yahoo.com
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Pixie 911's Story

All my life I've been pretty thin...but with a ghetto butt. *groans* My dad is a bit heavy, and has always been telling me that I'll get fat too if I don't watch it. Always ragging on me, always. A few years ago, I reached a massive weight of 160 pounds. I panicked! Almost unconsciously, I started cutting down on my food intake. Before long (one summer), I was down to 123 pounds. I kept going down. My stomach really shrunk so I counldn't eat when I wanted to. A year ago, I started to gain again. I freaked out and started consciously restricting and exersising. My eating habits were noticablly weird, so my parents watch me like hawks now (and hide the scale, damn it!). Now, I hate eating. I live off diet pills and exersise. I try everything that I can think of to lose weight. I hate myself more everyday, every hour. I long for perfection. pixie911@hotmail.com
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