Ojos_delangel's Story
ojos_delangel's Story
I have been anorexic for 14 years...I am 27 now and for the past 2 years I have been battling in and out of recovery....
It all started by a boy and wanting to be the thinnest if I couldn't be the prettiest....well now, it's developed many sides to it and I am not even sure of the reasons now...
This is nothing that I am proud of, this is nothing that anyone in my life now is aware of, but at times, like everyone else here, it can be difficult to deal with alone.
ojos_delangel@hotmail.com
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Suraia's Story
Me relationship with food is completely dysfunktional. It always has been. It probably always will be. There are times when everything seems to be alright and a cookie is just a cookie. And then there are times when a cookie is the difference between being perfect and being a total loser.
About three years ago I managed to get down to about 98lb. That was when i was happiest. Since then i've gone back up to 115! I'm desperate to get back down to at least 100lb again! It just seems to get harder and harder as i get older :(
Anyway, so i'm resolved to doing it one way or the other. I've given my self a dead line of two months. I'm pretty sure i can do it. Wish me luck!
suraia@streamyx.com
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Monica's Story
My eating disorder history and my life in general isn't really that special, but it has sort of been with me one way or another. I was born with a congenital colon defect (that's as far as I'd like to say), which made it extremely hard to gain weight. Up until just past my 11th birthday, when I had my last operations (a major and a repair), I weighed significantly less than my age peers. At age 11, I was 4ft 9in and I weighed in somewhere around 60 something lbs. Up until 7th grade I was "normal." Then at the end of 7th grade I introduced myself to self-injury, which I was contemplating since the 6th grade. It was in the 8th grade, when I got tired of my weight (5ft 5in and between 125 to 135lbs) My dad had noticed that my brother and I were eating half gallons of ice cream a piece like every other day. So, he had my aunt (his sister), who is a aerobics instructor come over and talk to us. My brother and I had ice cream only weeks and my dad started taking us for bike rides. What they didn't know is that I (along with a friend, who was also my "SI Buddy") was beginning to develop what I'd deem as pre ana habits. I always ate dinner and if someone offered me anything as to not attract suspicion. I had planned on weaning myself off of food. Anyways, during the school days I'd switch and either eat breakfast or lunch. If I ate breakfast, I was only allowed to drink my milk and the same went if I was going to eat lunch. My weight went down from 135 to 125, but that stayed the same until my senior year. In my sophomore year I had planned on restarting my ana habits, but a friend of mine found out and threatened to tell my guidance counselor (10th and 11th grades), so I held back. In my senior year, I did start again, thanks to being prescribed Adderall for my ADD, which is amphetamines (speed). At the end of a month I was starting to lose weight, as I was only allowing myself one meal per day. I lost 5lbs in three days, but on the last day that I had the Adderall, I was taken to the hospital and spent 8 days in the psych ward after threatening to commit suicide. When I got out they had me on all different types of medication (it's very hard to medicate me) and one of them was Zyprexa (a friend went from 4ft 12in and 105lbs to over 200lbs in a month!). I gained over 50lbs in two months. I was always depressed and I SIed a lot. It wasn't until the Spring of 2002 (a year after graduation) that I began taking xenadrine. It started out when I had noticed that the lady I babysat for was beginning to take another popular ephedra based product to lose weight. I went to babysit at another lady's house and I had taken a dose of her's because I wanted to know what it was like. After that I realized that I wanted to buy ephedra and not the crap cheap diet hoaxes. I took them and excersised religiously. And I lost about 20lbs give or take in about 3 weeks. The only problem that I encountered was in April of 2002, when I took too many. I spent the next 12 hours with a heart rate over 200 and I was only semiconscious. I still barely understand how I made it through class. Anyways, I went from near 180 to about 150 at that point. After that I dieted down to 135lbs by the end of the year. Last summer, I noticed that I was starting to eat a lot of ice cream, so I starting making my own strawberry sorbet (just ice and strawberries)and eating ice for dinner and just about whenever I could. My sister and my mom noticed that my collarbone was showing, but I brushed them off saying that a lot of peoples collarbones show and they are not anorexic (which is true) and from that time I've lost. Especially when I got my Adderall back (they won't give me it or any amphetamines now) and when I bought more diet pills. I only take the diet pills when I feel as though I won't be able to be strong enough to not eat. Slowly and with some breaks from last summer until now, I have gotten myself down to my lowest weight at 102lbs. I am currently around 108 and I can't lose or gain any weight until after my mom's wedding as my dress has already been altered. I am looking to connect with other ana's because I am not ready to give this up , in fact, I need this. My goal is to be able to get enough control over ana that I can successfully work on school and not end up at the crisis center and having to take medical withdrawals because I become as another friend stated (a neurotic), especially because I barely eat, I take diet pills and drink white or green tea occassionally, and I stay up for periods of up to 37hours at a time.
buffy_fan2003@msn.com
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Kris's Story
Hello!
Well my name is Kris and i have had an ed for about 3 and a bit years now... I used to be mia since i had to eat a heap of meals at home but these days i am finished school and i have a bit more freedom so i have turned to ana which is really what i wanted from the start.....so i have been ana for about 4 months now as well as a few times when i managed to avoid eating at school....
I got a big lecture about eating and stuff from my parents after i dropped about 5 pounds a week for a while and they made me gain it all back but I was so unhappy with myself i am back into ana i don't really give a shit what they say n e more.. We always have fights about food even if i do eat a bit so whats the point in eating at all?
I wouldn't be "diagnostically ana" atm coz i have gained so much but i am on the way down again! I think for my height 108 is what is diagnosed as anorexic i got down to 103 a little while ago and my new aim is 99... I want to get there in 10 weeks so mid-august and that is realistic so i am excited!
krissy202@hotmail.com
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Julia's Story
I've always been rather chubby in elementary school and began being really self-consious with my body since sixth grade when I first starting shopping at the mall. I then started dieting and slimmed down. Last year in eighth grade was my worst year ever. I sunked into a deep depression. Now, I feel better, only if I take laxatives often to maintain my weight. But then the laxatives make me really weak so I eat. Eat anything I get really bloated, so I up the dosage. It's become a cycle. I always count calories ever since last summer (I had a little contest with a new friend to eat less) and my snack foods must be negative calories, as in apples or diet soda. This is the only way I can prevent myself from gaining weight. Lately, it seems my digestive system is completely messed up. Most laxatives don't work on me anymore. I don't think this is an eating disorder, but I definently have problems eating. Any amount of food I eat and I instantly feel fat. I am currently 5'5", 140lbs. I went to the clinic for a check-up recently and it said I was 150lbs! I am so disappointed now! How could I be that fat? But then I overhear some friends at school talking about how the clinic's scale totally rips them off too.
aurorajewls@yahoo.com
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Colee's Story
The first time I can recall struggling with an eating disorder was when I was in Grade 9 and I decided to see how long I could go without eating anything. This was back before I heard of anything related to "pro-ana". For me, it went hand in hand with self-injury and I thought of starving as a way of punishing myself for being fat. Ever since then, I've been both ana/mia for the past four years (I'm currently finishing up Grade 12). My highest weight was 150, which was before I started setting my goals and not eating. My lowest was 100.
During that time I would set limits for myself like liquid fasts or a certain number of calories & exercise per day, for example if I had 200 calories, I would have to burn off at least 300. I got a membership to the gym, started weighing myself religiously, and made up every excuse I could think of to avoid meals. I've been to different hospitals and therapists but they've never really done anything for me.
When I started to lose weight and it actually became noticible that my old clothes were falling off, all I got were compliments. Nobody questioned me at school if I never ate lunch, nobody ever got worried except very few of my closest friends. I got a lot of compliments and two modelling contracts, both of which I turned down. At the moment I'm currently pregnant, and after discovering this in January 2004, it's been difficult for me to get back on a normal "diet" so to say. For now, I'm trying to eat healthy and avoid purging as much as I can. But, I know that afterwards, when I don't have to worry about getting certain nutrients for the baby, I want to get back to my goal weight.
colee@misplaced-muse.org
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Trinity's Story
I don't really even know where to start. For as long as I can remember, I have had this overwhelming need to be perfect. I remeber being as young as 8 or 9 and standing in front of a mirror and making sure I had no extra fat on my body.
By about age 12 or 13 I started to go on so called "fasts" where I wouldn't eat for days at a time. No one ever really noticed and if they did I would quickly come up with some excuse about having a fast metabolism.
I am now 18 years old and I'm still repeating the same actions that I have for most of my live. I am right now at a all low on my BMI and I hope to lower it more. The more stressed I get the less I will eat and fortunately or unfortunlatly I am always under a great deal of stress. On top of having to deal with my odd eating habits, I also am a major over-achiever. I have to be the best at everything. So far though, I have yet to master my weight.
bamacutie1295@aol.com
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ilona's Story
where to start... i don't think my eating disorder has a beginning, it has a middle and who's to know where it will end. As long as I can remember i have had issues with eating, from when i was a baby and wouldn't take my mothers milk, to when i was 6 years old, underweight and told my teacher that my new years resolution was to lose weight, and then my years at high school when my "confidential" meetings with the nurse were actually being discussed every week in depth with my parents.
i have never yet had the misfortune of facing in-patient treatment or been brave enough to go further than thinking about recovery. i believe right now that im over my many years of SI in the form of cutting, bruising and burning but i suppose my ed is also a form of SI.. but i have stopped my vists to different therapists for it.
ana is a strange thing to write a story about in three paragraphs.. you can try to be blunt but here there is no way i can capture what i really think, how much i suffer or how much i delight at times. it is something that conjurs up every possible emotion from the spectrum and a mental disease that i am both scared of, and in love with. xx i think that is all for now.
dizzymoo66@hotmail.com
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Jess's Story
I was raised by my younger sister's mother from the age of 4 until she died in August 2003. I have 4 sisters and in my opinion that's too many sisters to have. I would much rather be an only child and be spoiled rotten...but that's just me. Anyway I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 11 and looking back I think I was unsymptomatic until the age of 14,but again that's just my opinion. I have been in and ount of hospitals(7 times)since I was 15 and each time I gained back the weight,did the stupid therapy thing requirement,and of course we all LOVE group therapy. Nothing ever worked,when I got out I just got more determined to prove that they were wrong and I couldn't be fixed and to show them that they had absolutely no effect on me at all (them=doctors, nurses,therapists). As a result my current medical charts term me as a "chronic anorexic" and "beyond help" or my favorite "hopeless case." In any event it's quite funny to me. When I was 18 I got diagnosed with bulimia,and I didn't think I was purging enough to even qualify...ahem, I was wrong. I am currently out of counseling til september because according to my therapist im just fine and she actually considers me to be recovered. Ya well obvious im not but i am very good at fooling people. That's all i guess if you have any questions, just ask.
Jessalyn1984@yahoo.com
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Sara's Story
When I was about 10 my older sister, Meghan was bulimic, with anorexic tendencies. She was about 15 at the time. She'd always make comments to me like "you're going to get fat... you eat too many saltines..." She's supposedly cured now... yea right. She's had 2 kids, is married, and is still thinner that me. She looks like she's at a different weight every time I see her.
She tore our family apart, and I have no idea why I'm out to do it too. I know it's sad. Knowing what we once have already gone through, I'm making my family go through it again. No one knows about me and my eating problems... well..., Katie my other sister (21) told Meghan that I was anorexic. Meghan's always like "omg, I bet you weigh as much as Riley." Riley is her 2 year old daughter. I'm sure she weighs like 50 pounds, not even that, and I weigh... well, 119 at the moment.
I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, so I am going to say I am officially anorexic. When this all began I was in like 6th grade. I use to sleep on my stomach, so it would be flatter in the morning. The summer after my freshman year of high school, I went from 118 pounds, to 104. That was my lowest weight ever. My sophomore year started at 110 pounds, which wasn't bad, and eventually got up to 129, and fluctuated for 2 years from 113 to 129.
I miss weighing 104. I never realized how thin I was at the time, I never appreciated what I had done for my self. This summer I want to lose like 20 to 25 pounds. I am perfectly capable of doing it. Yesterday I lost 5 pounds in one day, while I also ate 500 calories. I am 119 today, which isn't thin at all, but it's a start. I want to weigh 97 pounds on the first day back to school, August 16th, 2004.
Desprettwish@aol.com
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