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Amber's Story

Ever since I was younger I have been FAT! I was ana a while back, but I had to stop because of my family and them noticing me losing weight to fast plus me not eating! Well they made me eat and I juss ate, but not a lot. Then it has just gotten to the point where I want to control something and be perfect and all these other reasons I have! Now I weigh 166, I am 5'4, and I want to get down to 120 and then less. Sometimes I have doubts of me being able to do it, and sometimes I just eat uncontroably, but very rarely because I stop myself! I hate food and I hate the thought of it and the taste and everything about food! Food is EVIL!!!! I don't understand why people make us eat and why we have to, well I do, but why can't they just leave us alone and let us do what we want, I mean they're our bodies right? So why shouldnt we be able to do what we want to them? I have been struggling the past week and so on. I go to my friend's house and like she makes me eat. Or I go to another friend's house and we drink, oh boy lots of cals there! I love to drink and party, so its so hard to not drink! I am going to have to give that up. The last time I drank was Friday night and I puked it all back up so that was a good thing. I am ana, and sometimes mia. I cant throw up very well because my gag reflex works, but I just cant throw up when I want to, and it BUGS!!!! Well that is my story, so yah. I didn't know what to write, sorry if I did it wrong! SandPrincess1988@cs.com
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Austin's Story

My name is Austin, all my friends call me Jinx though.I am 18 years old, I'm not really sure if I have an ED,I just know how i've felt the past 7 years of my life... This might sound stupid, but when I was 11 years old and about 90pds,me and my best friend of 6 years, were having some stupid argument over a troll doll or something, and she called me chubby, fat, and ugly,I remember crying for days, not eating, but my sadness only got worse and I began to Binge terribly,I could only think of the words Fat+Ugly just echoing in my brain,even though everyone else told me and still tells me,I'm pretty, I look great,bla bla bla...Anyway, At the Age of 13 about I ballooned up to 160,and 4'10... I hated myself, wearing the baggiest of clothes, Overcome with nasty FAT!! eewww...About a year later, I was 14... I was disgusting, I hadn't even gone swimming or wore shorts since I was 11, at that point in my life,I made a change.., I thought to myself to do what my mom had done so many years before me...My mom is/used to be an anorexic also, and she always told me never to be like that, but of corse, like mother like daughter...I pushed away food, and drank water all the time, working out 4 hours a day, weighing myself constantly, I was 120 and losing! I was happy as hell...and this continued... never getting lower than 115...I yo-yo'd for a while while my school and work schedules changed, and I began to binge more and more and went up to 140@the age of 16, I met my then boyfriend, Chris,He told me he loved me,blablabla, I told him how I was about my weight, and he said ok,about 3 months into our relationship I was down to 115 again!,yay!but after about 5-6 months into our relationship,he always had food with him or bought me food, and it was always the fattiest stuff,the things that,like you know... when you eat them, you can feel your ass and stomach growing disgustingly! I got up to almost 160 again!The whole time I was dating him he was trying to fatten me up b/c he LOVED Fat girls... Needless to say,that thus ended, and he's with a 300 pounder..NASTY!!...No one really looks@ me weird or thinks I have any problems, recently... I looked@the scale...139! good god, oinky oinky..I'm sick of being like this... it's just so nasty! makes me wanna vomit... when I see ppl bigger than me eating, I puke though...Anyway, I need support, I need friends...I've recently began eating One Banana a day and a couple mini-pickle things, weighing myself while holding weights and penny rollers..., I wanna stick with it, I wanna be oh'so-cute, My boyfriend now, supports me fully... he loves me for me, and excercises with me and everything... I just don't wanna ever weight near or more than my bf! I wanna be the trophy girl he deserves..., Email me anytime! I'm looking for people to talk to for thinspiration... Thanks! :-) austins@gloryroad.net
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Alex's Story

I have always been weight concious since i was in middle school. In the summer before i started high school i lost 20 pounds and got a bunch of compliments. So i kept on dieting, but started to eat small portions and throw up when i ate too much. I also would cut myself to feel better. My parents forced me into an eating disorder recovery center and i hated it! Now it has been over a year, and i still am ana/mia. I don't cut anymore, but i do otc (over-the-counter) drugs often. kewlgurl1087@aol.com
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Alisha's Story

So while I was younger, like during elementary school, my parents used to think that I had an eating disorder. I didn't then, but I sure as hell do now. Once freshman year of high school began I became more aware of my weight. I was 5'5 and only 105 lbs, but my friend Lexi was only 86. I wanted to be like her. I liked how people always commented on how skinny I was. But I wanted to be more skinny. Freshman year also started my slip into depression; my first suicide attempt. I wasn't a very happy person then. Good thing we moved. So we moved to this country town where most of the girls were fat! Talk about thinspiration. So I definitely made sure that I didn't eat because there was no way in hell I was going to become like them. I started stealing my mom's diet pills. But they also made me play basketball. Yea exercise right? NO. Weight lifting. I gained muscle like crazy. And all the girls ate. We constantly had pizza parties and there was no way I could avoid all that food. Anyway, through basketball I gained 20 lbs. By junior year I weighed 126. By the end of senior year I weighed 136. FAT. And that's where I am now. A FAT 136. I just finished my first year of college and am trying to get out of another bout of depression. No suicide attempts yet, but I sure as hell have thought about it a lot. So my goal is to get back to 115. In fact, I want to get down to 105. I can do it. At least I hope I can. richaa3@wfu.edu
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Toni's Story

I know my Eating Disorders started from alot of different issues.I know though that the main reason was because I was rejected by the main man or at least he was supposed to be the main man in my life. MY FATHER. It all started when I told the State about my Traumatic forms of abuse in My Family and I was taken out of home with my brothers and sisters. My dad hated me for trying to get my Family some help and he stated to me he wished I had not been born and that he did'nt like the person he knew and saw. He hated the fact that I was the firstborn girl and that I was just as strong,even stronger than any male.He hated the fact that I was not a ditz and that I was accepted into Mensa as a Genius.He hated the fact that that not only was I intellectually gifted I was musically gifted.I finished High School Early and went to Berkelee School of Music. My Father hated my Mother because after abusing her physically she ran to the streets as a prostitute and drug addict. She is now at Mass General dying of Aids. My Father is bipolar with schizoaffective tendencies and he is an alcoholic. He hates all women and women who are independent and successful,because of loose ends he has not solved with my mother. For many years in and out of the states care since 2, and back home I went through many more traumas. Rape,Molestation,etc.. Had my nose broken twice,forced to eat my own poop,You name it..I dealt with it..starved,etc..My dad was no different than the foster homes. My dad had my sisters and i feel like our bodies were dirty and not good to have. We could not ask about how our bodies functioned so my usual textbooks became the answer to many of my life's problems.I hid behind school and the music and helping my brothers and sisters get throught the hell they endured. They recently returned back to that hell well at least 2 kids. There were 6 of us at one point. I am glad the others fled after me. I was the first to go. In my traumatic journey with the state and certain facilities,my Dad got my whole family to hate me and now I am the Blacksheep. I have noone but my son who survived a son I lost.[was bearing twins] I am currently homeless awaiting Housing with the state this month.I have had anorexia and bulimia since 1997 since I was 12. I am 19 now and still dealing with my other ''friends ''beside my son.Ana and Mia stood the test of time and showed me what perfection looked like. I was never without flaws in my dad's eyes and that's a reason among reasons why I am why I am today. I am a self mutilator,bulimic,anorexic,binger/purger and food abuser. I am also a high school scholar,Who's Who's High School inductee,Honor roll and High Honor Student. The issues I face and what many others face can happen to anybody. I am not one to judge acting like my shit does'nt stink. I've managed to stay away from drugs because I saw drugs rear it's ugly head in my family.I turned to different ''drugs''. I am an african american,puertorican and gherokee indian girl. To all the ''sisters'' out there,some like their curves but we are not all exempt from eating disorders. I went looking for love in all the wrong places too.I fell for all the ''badboys'' and when I finally found the good man he displayed the unrequited love.I guess the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in returned. I found another guy I loved who recently dumped me.Turns out he has a thing for the Calista/Boyle effect,not that it's wrong but I am currently not them, I just delivered doubles,now a single. I really wanted to be with this man,not that it's impossible once my 5 feet 7 and a half 160 pounds goes down to 100 or 90. Either way the mirror never lies. I feel dead and all I ever needed was some love and a family.I needed a hug from my Dad. I got my Family now..My son's father's abusive and a looney so here I am trying to claim the only thing I have ever had control of my body and what I put into it.Ana and Mia initially was never about weight for me. It was much deeper than that. I am so emotionally consumed by demons and by how i look that I feel like I am being eaten alive. I figured if I transformed and morphed physically my dad would love me. Love is Blind and I really am looking into what that really means. supastar915@yahoo.com
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Tammy's Story

I have been struggling with eating disordered type things since November of 1998. I started out with Bulimia, then slowley worked my way in to Anorexia. I never could reach my goal weight. After I got married at 18 I came closer than i ever had but not close enough... That changed after the birth of my first(and Only)child, I had gained 48 pounds while pregnant with her. But after I had her, and me and my husbands marraige went WAY down hill I hit my goal weight and then some, which was great. I weighed a beautiful 95 pounds. But since my husband and I have since divorced, I've shot up to 119.5. I'm a freaking cow. I want so much to get back to at least 99, then I'll go from there... liltammy_us@yahoo.com
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Krissiey's Story

I've always been an overweight child.My parents would say stuff like, "IF you keep eating you won't be able to fit thru the door." Well in about 6th grade they put me on a diet and told me they would pay me for each pound I lost or what not..It worked for a while..then..I gained it all back. I moved to where I leave now about 5 years ago. I was fat..a good 180 pounds..I wanted to be skinny so that summer I tried and tried to lose weight..my 7th grade year rolled around, and the people accepted me even though I was fat..mmmm maybe I don't need to lose weight. Then..I wanted my first boyfriend...nobody wants to be with a fat girl..but I got one! Then we broke up. My 8th grade and 9th grade year I went from 180-126 pounds by a 900 calorie diet my mother put me on. Of course..I didn't know about ana or mia or anything of that sort..but I knew that when i didn't eat for days, that something wasn't right. My 9th grade year, so many guys liked me cause I was " a babe" they would say. I couldn't see what they were talking about, I was a fat cow to myself. But I started eating again..and ballooned up to 143, where I'm at now. I have a new boyfriend, who says he likes me the way I am, but I know he's lying the other night he told me I'd look good about 110. SO..I've had ed problems since about the 7th grade, or before..I cut..I didn't start that till my 9th grade year. It helped me so much!! But, people started saying stuff..she's a freak she cuts...Then I wouldn't eat lunch, saying that it was b/c its soo greasy, but then they said she's an anorexic girl..but I deny ...I know who I really am... I know how after I eat I purge till I can't do it anymore..I know how it feels to have fingernails cutting the back of my throat...If people only knew how badly I wanted to be thin... cowgirl_krissiey@yahoo.com
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KelseyLyn's Story

Spring 1998: Cheerleading try-outs. I make it. Fat me makes a cheerleading squad. I am in shock that me, a fat person, has made a cheerleading squad�along with 9 other itty bitty, teeny weeny, skinny girls. That�s where it all begins. After each practice, as our parents watch us, I over hear my mother saying, �Yes, my daughter would look a lot better in that squad if she lost 10 or 15 pounds.� Hearing my mother nag at me all spring about losing weight is only the beginning. Soon, when I begin to gain a pound or half a pound, I get in trouble. When I lose 2 pounds, hell let�s make it 15 pounds, like she wanted, all I get is��Sweetie you still have a long way to go to look like them.� No, I do not get a good job, or good job keep going! That leads me down a road of depression (which I still suffer from). In 8th grade, my weight never REALLY mattered until the first day I got to wear my cheerleading uniform to school. All the guys saying how a girl like me shouldn�t be wearing a skirt like that. I also heard, how hot those others girls looked in their short, cute skirts. By then, anytime I would gain a pound I would cut myself. If my goal for the week was to lose 3 lbs and I lost only 2.5 I would cut myself. This continued all throughout my 8th grade year. During that year I lost all of my friends and slipped further into an unnoticeable depression. By 9th grade I had an open mind. There were gonna be 1700 students at my new school, many, many of them as FAT as I was. I made a deal, I wouldn�t worry about my weight as much. Well, by then, I stopped worrying period. I started 9th grade wearing a size 9. By the end of first semester my weight got so out of control, I was too embarrassed to get up and throw away something in the trash can, in fear someone was staring at, pointing at, or laughing pat me. Second semester rolls around, and my then unnoticeable depression becomes very, very apparent. I started having 3-6 anxiety attacks a day. Because of this, out of 18 weeks of school, I missed a total of 12 weeks. I was now on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pills. I would wake up crying, weigh myself, look in the mirror and feel disgusted, I would cry during school, and I would weigh myself before sleep, and I would go to sleep crying. This vicious cycle, sometimes still circulates. I would spend hours and hours a day crying and cutting myself for being such a disgrace and for being so fat. Everyday from my parents I would hear, how if I lost weight, I�d have more confidence and I�d be happier. Or I would hear things like, �Kelsey, get your fat ass up and do the damn dishes.� Or, �Kelsey, I wish you could fit into some of my clothes, they would look so cute on you.� I still to this day hear some of those remarks. Again when I would lose 5 pounds my mother or father or sister would say, �You�ve got a long ways to go.� Or �5 pounds down 300 to go� Of course the 300 was an exaggeration to them. But to me, 300 seemed almost accurate. By the end of my ninth grade year, I was wearing a size 12. I had grown 3 sizes in just 9 months. Most people lose 3 sizes in 1-2 months. By the beginning of my sophomore year, I wore a size 16. This year was bad for my depression, and I still had set in my mind, there is a new Freshmen class, there is bound to be someone here who is dealing with what I am dealing with. So I decided to put my weight loss off until 2nd semester, because that was when I had p.e. By the time 2nd semester rolled around, I wore a size 18. No one in my p.e. class was fat like me. All of them were ordering p.e. uniforms sizes extra small and small. No, that did not encourage me to be like them. That only depressed me more. I was too embarrassed to wear the p.e. uniform that was too small for me, to compete in the 1 mile non-stop run on the track, to life weights, or to do aerobics and kick boxing tapes. By the beginning of my Junior year I wore a size 20-22. By then I was fuckin fed up. I needed and wanted to lose weight. I started by eating 1100 calories a day. I was like okay, this is fine, normal amount is around 1200-1600, I would exercise 30 minutes a day for 3 days, and I would skip lunch. Well after 2 months of that hard work, and the constant fear of the scale, I only lost 10 pounds. I was fed up. I knew drastic measures had to be taken. So I cut down to 900 calories a day, and skip lunch and dinner every other 2 nights so my parents wouldn�t be suspicious of anything. Again by the end of 2 months, I had only lost another 10 pounds. So I was like fuck this. Who cares�.me. I decided to take a break from dieting. I started my first diet, in October of 2002, by the end of my �dieting period� it was March. I was so depressed. By mid-April, I noticed how I was even more obsessed with weighing myself, and how I was so pre-occupied with food. I could not and would not eat in front of anyone, in fear they were thinking, �Why is this fat cow eating, she shouldn�t be eating, she could stand to skip a meal or two or three or a whole week worth of meals.� I tried to blow it off. Those thoughts still are in my mind. Because of those thoughts I had, by the end of April, I had been skipping meals, days at a time. By mid-May, I noticed I had lost around 20 pounds. I knew I had lost that weight from my obsession with working out, and my obsession with not wanting to gain weight, and my fasting. I felt that if I ate, I was fat. If I ate, I�d gain weight. I felt that I did not deserve to eat. I still feel that I do not deserve to eat. I know I do not deserve to eat. I should not be allowed to eat is what I tell myself each day. By early to mid June is when I started noticing my obsession with food and weight loss was my every thought and it was taking over my life. That is when I started �counting down the pounds� and �counting down the months� of this secret obsession I was and still keeping from everybody. In July, I made a meal and workout plan, that I still stick with today (with use of diet pills might I add). I was a self-diagnosed anoretic/bulimic until recently. I was in ip(in patient) at a hospital in Florida for all my problems. I was diagnosed as a self-injuring, bipolar, bulimic anorexic. So if asked how to describe myself in 5 words...that is what I say. I am currently seeing a psychologist, who I have been seeing for 4.5 years. It was four years on February 15, 2004. My psychologist, has noticed this progressive amount of weight loss, and she feels I have an OCD with weight loss, she categorizes me as an anorexic at a �healthy� weight. But in my mind�I am no where near a healthy weight. At the beginning of June(03) I knew that I had found my destiny. If I skipped my meals, and restricted my calories tremendously, used diet pills, and laxatives, and if I fasted almost every week of every month�I would lose weight. I would have a great body. I would have THE PERFECT BODY...little did I know that living with the hellacious Ana and Mia was and is easier said than done. brokendreams2723@aol.com
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Dying2BeThin's Story

When I was 13 I started therapy to deal with my own childhood abuse. I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling so I began to diet...It wasn't the first time I had dieted...I had really weird eating patterns when I was younger, but never anything serious...I just didn't want to be fat. My therapist finally realized something was wrong when I kept talking about how fat I was...At the time I was only 100 pounds.He made me go see my doctor to get a referal for a paediatrician. I went the the pediatrician once a week but still lost weight rapidally. She tried everything (meal supplients, out of town support groups, dozens of specialists) but I refused to gain weight...even stop losing it. Finally at 74 pounds at 5'6 I was admitted to the hospital for my first time I stayed there for 3 months. I got better for a while, then fell back into old problems. I am currently 16 and 110 pounds...my goal is to be 74 again...and I will. inocent_63@hotmail.com
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Daniela's Story

I would say I started devoloping anorexia while I was about 15 years old when I lived in Brazil ( i was born there). I started comparing my body to others girls in school and I though I was huge ( I weighed 125, the avarege brazilian women weighs about 108-110). I used to cry every day after school. That's when I started starving myself, I would eat very little or nothing at all. I started getting great pleasure of starving myself, specially because I was loosing weight. I really stuck to it untill I was 17. I remenber once going out with my friends and eating an ice cream cone and cry afterwards because I was so desperate of gaining weeight. When I was 17, I moved to the US and got very depressed ( I was away from my mom and sisters). Now here I am, here is anna back. I'm 20 y=rs old, 40 pounds heavier, wating to kill myself because of this. I think anna will always be part of one's life, no matter how much treatment u get. When I started not eating again, I was up to 180, came down to 170 now. Wanna get to 120 again, but I know I won't want to stop. I feel sick, been doing a NO FOOD for 2 days. This is the first time I really write about this, so I tried to express myself the best I could. :) menina_sanguebom@hotmail.com
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Hannahs Story

I suppose being physically/emotionally abused as a kid helped in developing a bad self-esteem, but as a cause of my ED, it is a pretty lame excuse. To be honest I just wanted/want to be thin. I started dieting early 2002 whilst working at Mc Donalds (of all places)and on my breaks, I switched my quarter pounder, fries, McFlurry and Coke with a foam full of lettuce with ketchup (because it contained vinigar, so it would soak up any fat, lol) - sometimes also with cut up bits of hamburger meat, and a diet coke. My best friend Kelly was also on a diet, she was probably the one who inspired me to eat more healthily seeing as Dan, a guy I had previously a fling with and still liked, always paid her the same attention he had paid me before Christmas. I was also working ridiculous hours and pushing myself way too much. Enough to give me panic attacks and on Eurovision night 2002 an emotional breakdown. Not many people know about what happened that night, but I just couldn�t cope anymore. I think it�s cus I learnt to push all my feelings deep down inside me and finally they had no where to go, I felt like an elastic band on the verge of snapping, and finally, I did. After this, I became depressed and I tried to kill myself a few times, but by the time the summer hols had rolled round and my dance school held the rehearsals for our dance trip to France and Spain (to my knowlege) people were none the wiser and only my dance teacher knew that I was having 'emotional' problems and seeing a therapist. To be honest though, everybody noticed my drop in weight and my friends were acting funny with me... slightly over-nice, trying to give me bits of their food and offering me money to go to the shops to get snacks. Not that I realised my weight-loss was the cause of all this. I seriously thought that I was fat, all I did was (ana) binge on breakfast cerial, purging from the horror of doing such a thing. I didn�t realise the mess I was getting myself into when i discovered purging. I knew I had a problem, but i thought it was compulsive eating/bulimia... not anorexia. I weighed 7 stone and had a bmi of 16 (why I was so ungrateful I will never know). Anyway we went on the trip, having an amazing time and eventually one day, after excusing myself from a meal to 'go have a cigarette', I was caught throwing up my meal. Everyone new I had a problem. But the good thing was that because we were all dancers, compared to the rest of them, I didn�t look too thin, my hip bones stuck out nicely and you could slightly see my ribs, but I just looked nice and thin, fitting into size 6(UK) clothing :) After this, I started at College it was good and I loved both my subjects and my teachers. But this feeling didn�t last for long and gradually the feelings I had from the summer hols crept up again. In October, my mum tried to kill herself for the first time too and after only three months at college I was extremely depressed and feeling suicidal myself (although I kinda knew I would never be able to go through with it) as well as physically and mentally exhausted from juggling college, dancing and work (I didn�t have one free day/evening and I wasn�t sleeping). It was arranged for me to leave and start again the following year. At the same time I took a four month break from dancing and work, in which mum tried to kill herself another two times. I also started to pile on the pounds again. By the time I went back to dancing, I was being told how healthy I looked. Healthy meaning fat. I was back up to 9 � 9 � stone but for now, my self control had disappeared and I was doing the b/p thing. Again as the summer crept up, so did my will to lose weight, but I never managed to get below 8 stone. I also bought my first dieting aid (I call them that cus they weren�t proper diet pills, they were the wuss�s way out), Apple Slim, a brand of apple cider vinegar pills and to be honest, I don�t think they really did anything, but motivate me. That brings me to the start of this year at College, I�m amazed I�m still here, but I am. Diet pill wise, I started taking Sida Cordifolia Complex in October, just before doing my college musical 'Cabaret', I got down to 7 stone again (98lbs) and my weight stayed that way till Feb of this year when I turned back to mia (which i suppose in some screwed up way was handy as it stopped the teachers from asking questions) BUT I did go back up to 9 stone - ugh! That has been the situation until now and I am losing again, but I'm still nowhere near my first goal (7 stone). The only person who knows about my ED as it stands at the moment is my psychology teacher who I told when I was worried about what i was doing to myself (bad heart/electrolyte levels n all that) He asked about why i left college last year and my relationship with my mum etc... and i told him what he wanted to know, even stuff that knowbody else knows. It's weird, from a 10 min chat, he kinda knows me inside out now. He was actually totally cool with the ED stuff and said how the mia was a coping method... blah, blah, blah. But I told him about two weeks before going on study leave (which was a month and a half ago), so I think he is waiting for my exams to finish before he tries to confront me about it properly. If he does, I'm not sure what I'm gonna say, I've gone back to restricting, so I don't want to loose this now of all times. Fuck it, what he doesn't know won't kill him, lol. Hmmm, I'm sure you guys didn't want an essay and it's a bit gappy, but now it's written, there is no point in deleting it. Excuse any bad spelling and I'll catch up with you all later. thiscrazylife_83@hotmail.com
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Laura's Story

My eating disorder started when I was about 16 at school, the reason for my loozing weight at first was due to a break up with my first love, he basically cheated on me and hurt me more then anyones ever hurt me (love wise anyway). I started excercising at first, then cutting out lunch at school and just having a few bits of salad, still having dinner, then excercising after. This carried on for a while, i'd say about 6 months after the relationship had ended. Due to being depressed and my diet change, I lost about a stone (at this time I was 7st, I went down to six, I was 5.1). After I left school, I recovered, and gained a fair bit of weight in the summer before i started summer, I was 8 stone. I didn't mind it so much, it didn't really bother me. Then I started at college, and at the college there were alot of fashion students, all very thin. In the 1st year, I still remained at 8 stone, I tried not to care. Then I saw a video footage of me looking so fat and horrible, I decided I was going to become anorexic again, and looze it. So again I cut out alot, this time everything, other then a small packet of sweets at lunch (also so that my friends wouldn't question why i wasn't eating anything, but it was obvious they all knew). I was about 5'3 then, and went down to seven. That carried on, and this time i started taking laxatives, not alot, just one or two. I felt so ill most of the time, and felt like passing out alot of the time, and generally looked pretty sick, but i was proad i was thin again, and guys who used to find me not very attractive, were finding me more attractive. However I made myself pretty ill, panick attacks galore, it was horrible. One day I came home from a night out and my mum had found my laxatives. I told her that I used to have a problem and i didn't anymore. She was so upset, i hated to see her so upset, i told her alot of how I 'used' to feel. Eventually, after alot of encoragement, I got better again, and again up to 8 stone (8 stone being the highest my body will actuyally go as i have a fast motabulism). Then after college, I started Uni. I hated the course, so eventually left to transfer to another course (I was doing fashion, now i'm doing fashion promotion and illustration, much better:D). Anyway, after i left the course, I had a longgg summer ahead with not alot to do. I thought i should get in shape, but wanted to do it heathly, so started excercising, half an hr every day, then it increased as the summer went on, i was eventually on 2 hrs hard work outs every day in an aim to get to 7 stone again. and i promised i wouldn't go any lower.... Excercising became an obsession, took over my mind, but i also felt good and healthy so i didn't really care. Then i started on my new course, everyone said what a good figure i had and how skinny I was etc. I liked this alot. But then since the terms gone on, there is so much stress to be confident and attractive, my self confidence lowered again and my eating disorder has come back. I dropped just above 6.5 stone, now i'm about 2 pounds below 7, which is ok, but I want to be 6.5, maybe even just over 6. I can't go to thin or my rents will throw me out, i want to be able to cover it up. Ive started to excercise again, but i don't want to get to bulky, so excercising say 3 times a week then starving for the rest. Thats about it at the mo, anymore questions please ask:). thanks for reading ganjagirlxox@yahoo.co.uk
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Jenny's Story

Hi, I have been ana/binge for 5 years and have had my ups and downs. Throughout these past years my lowest weight has been 78 and my highest which i'm at now is 145. I know I can lose it again if I could only get my willpower back. I I canno't stand being fat! It drives me insane! I think about it every day pretty much all day. Calories and different exercises go through my head constantly. I probablly know the calorie content along with the grams of fat, protein and carbs of everything in my kitchen cabinets. And I don't want people to think I'm just a beginner, because trust me, I am a very experienced ana. I think that if I had someone to talk to when I'm about to overindulge I would be successful. I have not needed an ana buddy in the past, but in order for me to achieve my goal, I think I will need opne this time. Just a year ago I weighed a nice 100 pounds and fit perfectly into my size 1 clothes(which I have a large amount of).Now i'm wearing sizes 7-12, which is absolutly pathetic. Two years ago when I gained 27 pounds bringing me up to 127, I lost the weight in about one and a half months. I was playing sports and was very active. Now I just cant seem to get the will back to do it again. Today I began again like so many unsuccessful times before, which will hopefully begin my dramatic journey back to 100 or less pounds. I pray!!!!! It would be nice to have some one to chat with about certain things who would actually understand. I know for a fact that all the people in my life do not and will never understand. My mom and grandma are never happy with my weight. At 100 lbs, i was too thin, and at my current weight i'm a whale according to them. So when I finally do achieve my goal, I am not going to care what they say because being thin makes me happy. Whoa! I can't believe I wrote that much! illusional_butterfly_100@yahoo.com
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Ana Chazae's Story

Well, I began to realize that I was fat at a very early age (8). Because my parents would not allow me to diet, I had to find other ways to lose weight and be thin. I began to do very deceitful things such as hide my food or hold as much as I could in my mouth until I could get excused from the table. I also began to exercise excessively in order to speed up the weight loss process. In highschool, I was a cheerleader and there was extreme pressure to be thin and stay thin. I began to engulf myself in the many activities that I was involved in and I simply stopped eating. I am 23 now and I am still Ana. I choose to be Ana, because Ana is what my life is all about. It's a lifestyle, not a disease or a disorder. anabychoice22cd@hotmail.com
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Terri's Story

To be perfectly honest, I've grown very, very tired of re-telling this story. Every few months I was sent to a new doctor who had to hear everything from the beginning again, even though I have a file two inches thick that follows me around from place to place. It's bad for me to relive most of the events that led me to where I am today, and yet I find myself constantly required to do so. So I'll skip the exhaustive history and just summarise. I've always had problems with self loathing, and part of hating myself is hating my body, my physical appearance, my size. Depression led to binge eating, which was followed by periods of starvation. I became addicted to self harm, and couldn't control my impulses. Being in control of myself, my faculties and my actions is very important to me. That's why I choose ana. I need to keep tight control over every aspect of my life because losing control is not an option. Losing control leads me down a path I never want to walk again. mysterygirl@theporch.house.cx
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Denisse's Story

I was a figure skater for 7 years, after I stopped skating my passion for food wasnt gone at all & my weight went up so bad until I became a 135 lbs cow. I started eating only lettuce and chips, that was for about a year and my weight was dropped down til I was 105 lbs and my ribs were proudly shown. That great feeling of being skinny lasted for a couple of month only; my boyfriend broke me up and I couldnt hold my apetite, I totally forgot about how I looked and began eating and eating after I was the same big 135 lbs cow. That same year I decided to take laxatives after every meal, since I couldnt hold my apetite I had to do something about it, I began taking the pills a couple very once in a while, then added more and more often until I got to the point of taking at leat 8 a day and exercising for 1 or 2 hours jogging. Last year, after going to the vans warped tour, I decided to become vegan; that way I could have an excuse for not eating many things; that actually worked i dropped my weight to 110 lbs and kept it for 10 months,(I'll have to add that i've been throwing up most of what I eat) this month I have been eating a lot of cereal and my weight is 115 now, which I totally dislike; my goal is to be 100 lbs in 2 months (at the most) but if I can be lighter than 100 that'll be better. brooke_mcqn@hotmail.com
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Chiara's Story

First, I apologize for my bad english cause I am from Italy. Well, my story is.. During a long time my weight was around 120 pounds, but 4 years ago I had emotional crash an I started eating too much. So my weight grew up. Than I had 147 pounds. Everytime when I looked myself in the mirror I saw a fat girl. Even my boyfriends started to saying that I am too fat. One of them even did compare me with my friends and other girls. That hurt me very much.. So I decided to try to lose weight. At first I started to eat less. I was really hard on myself. After this years I have 30 pounds less and slowly I am beginning to be the old one. But I like to imagine how will I look if i lose 5 to 10 pounds more. Surfing the net I found your page and I would like to be a member because I would like to have somebody to talk with about my eating habits and to share experiences with others. heeylaa@yahoo.com
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Marianne's Story

i am a fanatic of webs por-anna, and also of thinspirations. Im from Chile (South-america), i go to a german school. Sorry if i dont writte very well :( .I have being anna aprox. 1 year and 6 months. Im always thinking of how can i loose weight, and how cud my life to be if I weighed less. I have started with this when i was 14 years old. My father always told me that i was fat, so i stopped to eat. In two weeks I loosed 5 kg, or something like that, I wasnt Hungry!. But than my parents started to be worry. than I started to used laxantes and others pills. I have a friend who was anorexic, and has being reabilitated. She knows that i have the same "problem", but i think that a good anna never dies. I tried to cut myself, and i hit myself... i hate me, if onlky i was prittier or skinnier. Im so frustrated about all me. Now, i am in anna comunitys, and found this page searching, i think is cool to meet persons with the same life style, and persons who thinks the same. kisses ne_falcon@hotmail.com
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Lindsey's Story

well when i was a baby i had acid relex and they didnt know what was wrong with me intill they found out when i weighted 2 pounds. and i always liked from like age 5 being on diets i was always around heavy people. and i never wanted to turn into one of them. so like age 7 i only drank diet colas i loved and being on a diet. and sometimes i just ate and ate i probley had coe. becausei was always eatting then like age 9 or 8 i didnt want breakfast i throw it out or gave it to the dogs. then my mom had me eat breakfast right infront of her i couldnt leave intill she saw me eat about 5 bites of whatever i was having. then i remeber sometimes running to the bathroom and throwing it up. then i guess that stop. then i ate less and less then ate alot and alot and i always loved excirsing i was an active kid. then my mom starting saying you are fat you need to go on a diet and then she called me skinnyminnie. then in 7th grade i when to the doctors for a physical for school and i weighted 105 and my mom was like wow you are fat when i was pregnate with you i weighed 105 and this made me feel alot alot fatter than i was. i always throught i was fat. but didnt know what my problem was then in the summer of 10th grade or like the end of nine i use to walk home from school go to publix get a diet cola and weigh my self i saw it going less and up all the time. then i found out what i have is anorexia. and then in 10th grade i only ate french onion soup i only had like one thing and my dad was complain that i was getting skinny and how could i fit into shirts that was from 4 or 5 grade. and then hes like arent u hungery. i said no. then my dad like in nov. stoped buying me my soup the kind i like he said u are going to turn into the soup. and hes like u have a yellow skin tone so im going to stop buying it.and i was so mad. then i whn on vaction and gain because i was over my friends house but i did kinda good because i only had like a half of a hamburger for dinner but i did bad too but didnt gain any weight i was surpise. and now im here in between like in elementary we were in and out of hopsital my sister has a brain tumor. and then my brother for years was molestating me. and i didnt know which ws bad because i was young but then i learn it was bad and he didnt stop trying to do it. loverbugxox87@aol.com
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