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FleshForbidden's Story

My eating disorder started in 8th grade as a result of a hideous weight gain. It was 15 lbs but slap that on a suddenly pubescent girl and I was filled with disgust. My mother boticed the weight gain since it buried itself right on my stomach. She made comments that mothers say to "help", like "crunches won't hurt" and "do you really want to eat that?" I felt hurt and started to restrict. I knew what anorexia was, I knew what I was doing but I didn't care. I was 13 years old then. Now I am 19 years old and I struggle to maintain my physical and mental health. I'd like to talk to other's who share my issues and can relate to me without judgement. FleshForbidden@hotmail.com
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T.J.'s Story

I'm 23 and have been ana for a few years now. Since I was in middle school I had always been 184 lbs and I'm only 5'5". Being fat never really bothered me much before until a few years ago. I just got tired of all the name caling. Even though it was said to be "all in fun". I had tried to diet before (for health reasons) but never stuck with it. I think the thing that really set it off was when a family member asked me why I even bother trying to diet when there is no way I was ever going to be thin. After that I was scared to eat anything. I started cutting back on everything I ate and made any excuse I could to get out of eating. I finally got down to 114 lbs. That was the lowest weight I had been at. I was proud of myself that I actually lost so much weight when no one else thought I could do it. Even though I was happy with myself I still felt it wasn't thin enough and I had to go farther. Family and friends started to worry and tried to fix my problem. Since I still live at home they know when I go days without eating. Since then they have been watching me to make sure I eat. They threaten me by saying they will send me somewhere. On top of not eating I've been dealing with depression since I was 14 and at 18 I starting cutting myself. I've now gained a little weight back. I'm now at 125 and I'm in no way happy about it. I'm pushing for 100 lbs right now and see what happens from there. I've been wearing bigger clothes to try and hide my weight. I work out when no one is home and leave dirty dishes everywhere so my family will see them and think I already ate. Even though I haven't had anything. I do hate to lie to my family but I'd much rather be thin and happy then living like I am now. ana_suicide_@hotmail.com
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Ashley's Story

I can remember stressing about my weight my whole life. in grade 4 I became a model- albeit a fat but a model. I used to lie about my weight then. In grade 6 I remember not eating for days to lose weight. this continued all through middle school. grade 9 I went on the pill. I gained around 20 pounds give or take a few. stoppped caring about what I looked like and what others thought of me. At the end of grade 10, I got a new bf- my first in high school. it lasted 2 months and then he dumped me for a skinny pretty girl. It was summer. I remember weighing in at 180 pounds-im only 5'5". I was heavy. I decided to lose weight. The august before school started I went on an extreme diet- barely eating at all. then I worked liked crazy. I lost 30 pounds that month- putting me at 150. Taking me from a size 15 to an 11-10. But it still wasnt enough. throughout my grade 11 year I continued to lose weight. It fluctuated a lot but by the next summer I weighed 140 (I was slowed down by the discovery of one of my friends' problems with ana). That was just last summer- I weighed 140 for most of the summer. Then I got a new bf. I wanted to be pretty for him so I lost more weight. By xmas of 03 I was down to 120. It looked and felt great!! But over the holidays I gained 10 pounds. Presently I weigh 130. First goal is 120, 2nd 110. height is 5'5.5". thinspiration is my mother- who graduated high school weighing 125 pounds at 5'10". I love my mum. bananarama_16@
hotmail.com
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Lynn's Story

hello my name is lynn and this is my story... when i was younger, i was always told by my parents not to do drugs or not to smoke. everytime they would see something about drugs or smoking or anorexia or any kind of eating disorder they would talk to me about it and tell me they never want that to happen to me. i told them i would never do such a thing but as it turns out i did all of them. i guess i was always fat, till this day i dont know but my parents said i never was...i was called fat in gymnastics and it really pisses me off. i was in kindergarden when i can first recall being called fat. till then i have always been cautious about my weight. i started to lay back on the food when i was 7 or 8 years old, but i was only 7 i didnt know to eat the healthy stuff and not eat the sweets. later when i was in 5 or 6th grade i started relizing i couldnt cope with my fatness. i would always get reinsurence that i wasnt fat but that didnt help me, i jsut thought they were all lyers.in my 6th grade sumer i started to throw up my food. i soon had moved to israel. things had gotten worse there...i started to drink and smoke to escape the reality of my food obsession and jsut living life. i started to get more and more depressed as time went by and i soon overdosed. well as you can see im still alive.i had to move back from israel to america because they didnt think i was mentally well to live in israel. when i had moved back to america i overdosed again..my sister told my dad and he took me to the hospital. they put me to a treatment center where i was treated for cutting and depression but they later found out that i had an eating disorder. i was only a partial pacient at the time but i then got switched to an impacient. that realy sucked. i bullshitted my way out but it cought up with me and i got sent to the hospital again. i gained alot of weight when i was in the hospital so when i got out i stried to loose as much as possible but it was hard because the habbit of eating normally and not throwing it up was too overwelming. i got my motavation to become thin again by looking at pro ana sites and jsut skinny people, also by taking in the comments that my "friends" give me like calling me fat all the time or telling "fat lynn" jokes instead of fat mama jokes or even singing songs about how fat i am. so ya here i am now still struggling with my eating and my shitty life and my fat that surronds my ugly body. but that will soon change. silverstarr113@hotmail.com
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Stephie's Story

My name is Stephanie and im almost 17 years old. I was born and raised in Baltimore, MD. I had a normal childhood and my parents are together. I have a 18 year old brother and i go to a cathlioc high school. I became anorexic two years ago and i also started cutting then. My parents recently found out that i had been cutting and they sent me to three shrinks. They use to make me take lexapro, but i dont anymore because i stopped caring and i think my parents realized that im not going to anymore. My parents and i have had alot of fights lateley. Ive snuck out and ran away because they are so goddamn strick, but its all good. i only have a year or so and then im moving out. My best friend is anorexic too so i have someone for motivation and i have somoene to talk to. My story continues..... shortygirl018@hotmail.com
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Tina's Story

I'm 29 and have delt w/ ana for much of my life. When I was younger, I damn near killed myself dieting. But some unseen demon inside won't let me stop. I had a daughter when I was 18, and was forced to get help. But it didnt last long though. I can't get away w/ being full blown ana anymore. My daughter wont allow me to not eat.So I eat minimally. She knows mom has problems w/ food, but I'm afraid to tell her the truth. How do u explain that to a little girl? So as I sit here ignoring my hunger pains, I just pray she never finds out first hand.I wish I had a story to tell, but I'm just your average PTA mom. I'm at every award ceremony, every play, every game, everything. But I just have this big secret that I can't tell. Often I wonder why God chose me for this. Why couldnt I be the whole package, not just part? brat115@comcast.net
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Laura's Story

I am 160 lbs at a height of 5'10'', and I wish to be 135. I know I can do this. I have so many aspirations in life and if I could just achieve this one I know all the doors will open for me. I am ana, and recently I have become strangly angry with myself. I want to just tear all the fat off me. I think I am ugly right now, and I know with work and support with my ana that I can become beautiful again. I have been 135 before. 3-4 years ago and now I am 20 and disgusted with my appearance! Everytime I talk with friends they try to convince me that I am skinny but the mirror on my wall never lies!! I am a fat cow, and determined to get shed this fat off me. I wear a size 8 I want to be a 2-4! I want to wear whatever I want! I am anorexic. If I eat its max 300 cals. I spend the rest of my time working out, or thinking I should be working out! HELP! I don't want to recover I want to be thin. When I say HELP I mean HELP ME BECOME MORE DEVOTED TO ANA! ilk2singa@swbell.net
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Heidi's Story

I am a 38 year old female. I have had every form of eds imaginable. I am 5'6" and currently weigh 123. I know I am a total cow! I weighed 90 in high school and that is my goal. After having 3 kids and many traumas, I weighed 200+. I finally got back in control in October, 2002 and lost over 100 pounds in 4 months. I was down to 110. Then I got put in the hospital and they made me gain 10-15 lbs. I did and now I am miserable. In July 2003, I OD'd. I ended up on a respirator and almost died. Too bad I didn't. Now, I can't get ana back. I still don't eat much, but I barf. I have lost some, gained some, but I can't seem to get to my goal weight. I know I need to be under 100 by a some, but I have too many nosey people in my life. I also don't want my 11 year old daughter to have my problems. I am not happy and the only way to happiness is to die from my eating disorder. Then I know I have reached peace. h.l.headley@att.net
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Lauren's Story

When I was a sophomore in high school, i went to my anual physical for school in February and found out that i weighed 131 pounds. I decided that i wanted to loose some weight, and I sure did. In the beginning I realized how good it felt to loose weight, and the less I ate, the more I lost. I was down to about 500 calories a day and by May of the same year, I weighed 92 pounds. Yup, i lost 40 pouinds in a little over 3 months. Then I had to gain some. I didn't want to go into treatment, so i began eating everything in sight to stay out of it. Well, then i hit 135 again and felt as fat as a cow. The weight has escalated from there. Now I am a senior in high school and am currently trying to loose weight again, but the right way. I am 158 pounds and want to get down to about 120, 125ish and maintain it. Wish me luck! Lollypop16@msn.com
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Bobbi's Story

I have been dealing with eating disorders for years now since I was 11. My heaviest was 158 and I dont want to be that person ever again. I am 5'3 and aboout 109 pounds now. a few months ago I was at my smallest 99 pounds I felt really good bout myself then and want to get back down to that weight. I seemed to have lost what I had for the most part. I am a model I hope to make it big, but I have some perfecting left to do. I need some support to get back to where I was. The support im getting now from my parents and husband is to stay at a healthy weight and I don't want that anymore. queenb_kenney@lycos.com
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Karina's Story

Hi my name is Karina and I have been involved with ed's for about 2 years hardcore.. but ive always had been told to be skinny and started with my "obsession" at 8 wwhen my mom wouldnt let me eat some things because i was a dancer. Ive danced for 14 years and dont intend to quit. I am 16 years old now but when i was 13 i was told i should weigh 93 pounds and i was about 135. ALL MUSCLE. But i didnt care.. so i started not eating and i got down to about 110 but too many people noticed and people at my school called me ugly annorexic bitch and were real mean to me. So i kind of gave up but then got myself into a mess with abusive guys. So then in my freshman year of highschool my boyfriend, Sam, left for college in texas and i live in new york..so that was hard. I stopped eating and at this point i was 160 pounds!! but i stopped eating because i was fat and depressed by christmas i was 82 pounds..and was taken out of school for 4 weeks. they got my weight up to 100, then sam died in a car accident so i hid things and got really depressed and just ate. A couple months later i found myself bulemic and not losing weight. By summer of 2003 i was back at 155..but definately more bulemic than ever.. I stopped eating when i made varsity cheerleading and was a main tumbler. I can pull a twisting layout..I dropped 5 skirt sizes..and by football season of this year my coach notcied and i denied it.. but acouple weeks ago i ate something little and was throwing it up and she caught me. She was a dancer and she says she knows all the lies she wnet through this..so now im stuck talking to these people and I HATE IT!!! ITs not like im underweight!! im 5'4" and i weigh 108 but i was 98 a few weeks ago... i HATE being told what to do..i love the feeling of not eating i need a buddy so if someone in New York looks at this please email me... glitter_babe2333@yahoo.com or if you just want to talk and exchaneg stories and information email me!! thank you! glitter_babe2333@yahoo.com
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Priscilla's Story

when i was 14 i noticed that i liked to eat more than anyone i knew food was constantly on my mind i always ate a large amount of food i also noticed that i was 10 pounds heavier than my friends i wieghd 135 lbs at 5'4 and looked chubby and that when we went over eachothers house and tried on clothes i didnt really fit into my friends clothes they were tight and snug fitting and i felt really uncomfortable about it also my friends got asked to dances and i didnt i felt alone and diferent and like the fat one so i decided that if i threw up all my food i ate that i wouldnt get fat i tried this and it worked i got down to 100lbs after a couple months my mom found out and she made me see a shirnk who diagnosed me with bulimia nervosa and i was put on meds and had to see a therapist every week none of this worked and my weight got really low so i was put in the hospital i creid and screamed and begged for my mom to get me out but she didnt and the rest of my family agreed i thought i was in hell and was never going to get out so i decied that i would just go along and fake it to get out i did just that and got to go home i gained a gross 15 lbs which i knew i had to lose and i did it wasnt easy but i did my mom was furoius and put me back in 2 more times i didnt care i knew i was jsut cooperate with the hospital and get out now im 18 years old and still back where i was 4 years ago i havnet gotten better and although i dont know what to do with my life the one thing i cant stop is my ed so well theres my story not very exciting pretty typical im now living with my grandparents who let eme do what i want because my mom stopped trying to save me and gave up i guess i am a lost cause scilla4prezident@aol.com
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Shawna's Story

Hello. Let me start by sayin the basics. My name is shawna and i am currently 14 years old and been Mia since the 5th grade (around 10 or 11 years old ) and been ana for about 2 year or more.....ive actually had eating problems much earlier but never realized it.I am Pro-Ana/Mia and do not wish to recover anytime soon.My CW is 132! grr GW:125-122 for now LTGW:103-90 LW:122. My Ed started very earily in my life.. i was always nagged at how i should watch my weight, how i was "chubby" or ate to much. As i got older my mom started sayin i had a big butt...that she could fit in my clothes (size 3-5) and even at skool i was THUNDER THIGHS or some stupid names they called me. when i was sent to live with my mom( i live with my dad as of now)... i became ana. i weight about 75 pounds when i got there and went down to 60 lbs in that year. i was goin into 6th grade at this time.all i had for one day was a pack of top ramon. I woould even throw that up at times. i got down to a size 8-10 in lil girlz clothes and stil hated my weight. when i left my mothers house and came back to live w/ my dad....i began to eat again...and horribly alot too!! they kept feedin me sayin i was so thin and blah blah... but now im a huge cow! this is not even close to how much crap ive gone through in my life. Ive been abused physically,emotionally and mentally....i have very bad depression and anxeity and im also said to come close to being bipolar.im addicted to ana and Mia and ive came to the point where depression and SI is my comfort zone and i do not wish to change it. If there is anything else u wanna know bout me or if u wanna talk with me...im me at hallowbeauty@yahoo.com or megababe135@aol.com
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Gen's Story

Hey evry one, my name is gen. Ever since i was young, i always felt like i wasn't worth anything, like i was out of control. the one thing that i could control was what i did for my self. my parents separated when i was only five years old, and in order to show them how unhappy i was with them and with myself i stopped eating. i became so thin that my mom came to school to make sure i ate my lunches, she also sent me to a psychologist...so i became really fat over the next few years. until i no longer fit into a size 5 and i became depressed. my mom remarried an @$$ and he was verbally and mentally abusive. every night i had to choke back sobs, and throw up. i couldn't help it. its just how i felt. its just something inside of you you don't know how to control. i try to keep to my diets of only an apple a day, or a pear/banana w/e. but people seem to somehow notice, even though i'm not emaciatingly thin as i would like to be. they always want to make you eat. family is the biggest setback, and an italian family is even worse. lasagna and overcooked sausage every where. i cant go into one of their houses without feeling sick at just the thought of it. One day i hope to be happy with myself, one day i hope everything will be wonderful. Thnx for listening, Gen ge_mcguire@yahoo.ca
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Noelle's Story

HI, I was always weight conscience but when I had my daughter i went was overbored! I am 5'3 and 127lbs, i want the dicipline! Before my daughter i was 105 and wanted to lose 15lbs. i got up to 160 when i was pregnant and i can't seem to lose the 30lbs. i need suport and tips on how to do this...help me to be able to put a 2 peice on again..e-mail me anytime nrbangel_82@hotmail.com
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Nina's Story

I found you on the Net, and I decided to become a member. My name is Nina, I'm 18 y.o. and I'm anorexic for 3 years, I live in Slovenia, in Europe, and I'm literally crazy about being extremely skinny, about bones, fashion, talking about ana etc...!!! I'm sending you couple of pictures, what do you think? Hope to hear from you soon!!! I attached my pic, I weigh 38 kg, at 169 cm!!!!!!!!YAY!!!! I lost 23 kilograms!! I'd like to find friends who has same 'problems' and interests as I do. I hope you'll all succeed to be very very skinny! Sorry my English! Love, Nina. other.side@siol.net
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AbbyJo's Story

My story starts about three years ago when i was a junior in high school. Prom was a couple of months away and i wanted to try and loose 5 pounds or so just to feel better about myself...or so i thouhgt. It started with me just watching what i ate, then slowly went to no lunch, then to hardly any dinner either, and before i knew it i wasn't eating at all. I felt so proud of my new body...and it wasn't that much work either, it was so easy. I became really good at the stories for my friends and family as to why i wasn't going to be able to eat with them, and why i looked like i was loosing weight. To make my parents feel better i agreed to go to the doctor to see if there was something wrong with me. They never mentioned an eating disorder. i was checked for everything from thyroid problems to tape worm, not to my surprise nothing was wrong. After my weight got down to about 105 they started to figure things out. My parents found my laxatives and confronted me. So after that i was highly monitored but still managed to loose weight. When my weight was at 85 pounds i was put in the hospital because of dehydration and my kidney's were beginning to fail. After a long and hard journey things looked like they were going to be ok. Or so i thought. I'm now a sophmore in college, still dealing with this issue. It didn't poke it's ugly head back into my life until the end of last school year. My weight was up to 140 and i was misserable. So i decided to try and fix it the right way. I began excersing and eating right. Then it got out of control. I was obsessed with excersising and was barely eating. After a couple of months of this i had to quit excersising because of the lack of energy. My friends and family have noticed what has been going on, but as i requested, they're trying to let me deal with this on my own. My weight's around 110, and to me that's not good enough right now. i look at myself and i sure don't see a 110 pound twenty year old, i'm not happy, i want more. I almost don't care what they see, or what the scale says...to me it's about how i feel inside. But then again i'm not sure anything will be enough. ajd3888@ksu.edu
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Tina's Story

I have been anorexic for about, well, i'm not sure when it started, but less than a year. I have lost about 20 pounds and want to loose more. I have started bulemia a little while ago but am mostly anorexic. I am definately pro-ana and pro-choice. I am involved in many pro anorexic web-logs and have my own web-log site for anorexics who want to compete to help them loose weight. I will continue to do my best to reach perfection. I want to stay thin and in control. tinajoy03@hotmail.com
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Jayes's Story

My love/hate affair with eating disorders, specifically anorexia, began at the age of six. My parents would constantly fight, and I found that by starving myself, I could turn their attention on me instead of to each other. I tied "not eating" to being good and "eating" to having my family fall apart. They divorced anyway but I continued on with anorexia until I was about 12. I weighed 52 pounds. Then for some unknown reason, things switched and I began to seek comfort in food. Ironic twist. I became a binge eater and ballooned up to 130 pounds by age 15. Well, people began calling me fat. I already knew I was fat, but thought I didn't have the strength to change it. By the summer of the year 2003, I had enough and thought if I wanted to be thin, I could damn well be thin. I cut my caloric intake to about a third of what it was, and lost nearly 23 pounds in a very short time. I am currently 17, 5'5, and 101 pounds, still losing. My goal is 99 pounds by the end of this month. far_above_the_clouds@
hotmail.com
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Mary's Story

ok, where to begin. This is the first time i have EVER posted a message to any ana site. i have been an active ana for about 2 years. My highest weight was 160 (i am 5'8). I am currently 130, i would like to get down to 115 or 110. I have had problems dealing with my weight since 7th grade, (i am a sophmore in college now). In high school i was known as big boned, and i have personally heard the phrase" you have such a cute face, why don't you try a diet." So that brings me to senior year of high school, where i said fuck it, i went a bought a bottle of stacker 2, and decided to go on a fast. I was the most enpowering experience i have ever had. I love that shakey, empty, hollow feeling.i love it when people say, "why don't you eat something, your soo skinny." I love it when y boyfriend says"i love your body." why would i ever give up these feelings? oh yeah, i wouldn't. pbbls120@yahoo.com
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