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Anna's Story

Im 17 years old, in therapy, but it's not working. I have a huge fear of gaining weight, maybe because I was a fat kid. I have seen both sides, of how people tease and talk about others. Im anorexic, bulimic and a binge eater. My lowest weight was 107_ and my highest was 161_ I am now 124. I went on my first diet when I was 10, and I think living offa oranges wasnt too smart, my mom knew what I was doing and yelled at me, then at 13 I droped 30 pounds in a month, eating 400 calories a day. and now Im trapped in a stupid lil circle. Someonetimes I wish I could be normal, but then again this obsession, takes up time, and I see some kind of sick beauty in it.My kidneys are bad and I have a low case of osteoporosis. But I can't give it up mizzrexiana@aol.com
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Sarah's Story

Okay, so its supposed to be my big secret. I guess I can share it here... My best friend is anorexic. I am bulemic. I was once really really skinny and pretty and all my family and friends were always saying "sarah your soo small". Then i gained weight. Not just a few pounds, more like 40 pounds. I hate it. I hate everything about me. I just look at guys and think "I know i could get them if i wasnt so fat" and that makes me feel horrible and depressed which makes me throw up my food. I hate the pain but love it at the same time. I love the feeling that I am in controll and can accomplish something. It makes me feel pure and simple. I just love it... whitestripes8818
@hotmail.com
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Luciana's Story

OK! I was adicted to speeds for 7 years. When I decided to quit it, I figured out that I had an eating disorder. At the beggining it was anorexia. I was thin but I didn't realize it. I tried to join the weigh watchers program weighting 51 kilos for my 1,61 m. They didn't let me so. Well, I started to binge and the worst time for me is at night. I can't control the cravings. Right now I'm a mia's friend but I eally wish to become ana. lucicapoeira@hotmail.com
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Jessica's Story

I was always consious about my weight, or at least as far back as I can remember. See I was born into a family of 10 generations of classical ballet dancers, and with that comes the constant conversations about body weight, perfect technique, ect. My mother and many others in my family had bizarre and extreme eating practices so I learned early on how to keep my weight down. And seeing as though my mother has always been my role model and she was tiny and ate very rarely I was constantly doing the same. I didn't become diagnosably Anorexic until I was about 12. See up until then I wasn't doing it because everyone around me was but, not because I thought I was fat. But, when I was 12 I started to believe I was fat even though I was an Anorexic weight. I'm still that way I have become what people at the Anaheim Ballet call a "protegee ballerina" but, I still don't think I can be thin enough. At 15 years old and 5'9" I'm 95 lbs. But, as long as I can dance principal! for a major ballet company and make my mom proud then this whole ordeal will have been worth it. Viva la Bilar!!!!! singerballerina@yahoo.com
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Jessie's Story

I was 13 when I got ana. I guess it started when I was 6, really. I was a normal little girl, then my parents got a divorce and I ate to comphensate. I have my whole story written down online......I will send it to you as soon as I find it. BabygirlDncr18@aol.com
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Laura's Story

My 9th and 10th grade years of high school were the hardest for me, i was over weight and had a very bad social problem. when ever i liked a guy they would never find out because none of them ever took the time to get to know me, all they say was a fat girl. The summer before my 11th grade year i got really depressed and kind of kept to myself and locked myself in my room. i started to starve myself because i felt that was the only way people would like me. even though my stomach was always in pain, i kind of liked it because i knew that with that pain along came great weight loss. when school started it was great. people started talking to me and the people that always had talked to me thought it was cool that i was able to lose all that weight over the summer. some "popular" kids started talking to me and since they never gave me the time or day before, they didn't believe me when i told them i had always gone to that school. those were the people who now i didn't give the time or day to. i kept to my same old friends and stayed the same way, i just felt better about myself and my self-esteem got such a great boast. i wasn't starving myself for anyone but myself. towards the middle of the school year i noticed that the guys i ! had liked started to talk to me. i thought that was the coolest thing in the world because i was finally good enough for them. i went out with a couple of them and hung out with them but the time inside of myself i kept on thinking why i'm i hanging out with these guys, it's obvious why they're hanging out with because they never wanted or even noticed you before. so my 11th grade was my best year in high school then came summer. i got in a relationship with some one i worked with and he pretty muched used me and got with one of my good friends behind my back. and they both acted normal and talked to me like everything was cool until i found out what was happening. i ended up losing my job and a friendship because of this guy. me and him would go jogging almost every night. so after i had lost everything, i felt like going back to my isolation phase of my life. but this time it was different, since i didn't want to do anything that reminded me of him i stopped jogging and i ! started to gain some weight, then i got depressed because i started to gain weight and lost all control of myself and began to pig out. the pigging out lasted for a long time. and let me tell you i was not pretty any more. 12th grade started and i did not want to go back to that school where everyone is so judgementle and the only way you can be "popular" is by being skinny. my whole senior year i went through school being over weight again and walking around with my head done most of the time because i felt like i was a loser and couldn't stick to anything. i mean i was doing so good starving myself and was happy doing it. my old friends stuck by me and the only guy that stuck by me was one of the guys i had dated while i was skinny, he said it didn't matter how much i weighed because he liked me. after i graduated i got depressed once again and seeing all the skinny girls walking around in tank tops and shorts made me even more depressed. i started to starve myself again but i noticed that from starving myself before and then stopping and eating everything in sight, my metabolism was off track and i wasn't really losing weight no matter how long i went with out food. i didn't go to the beach at all that summer. now i'm stuck on a yo-yo weight lose life, i exercise constantly and i starve my self and i lose weight now because i exercise alot and got my metabolism working again but once i hit a bump in the road, or a guy hurts my feelings, or i feel i can't go on any more, i go back to my old ways and get fat. then once i realize how stupid i am i start starving myself agin. i've realized in the time that i have been starving myself that i have developed depression and i feel that all the medication i was told to take never worked and never will work. i will always be stuck said and starving myself becuase that's the way of life, well my life. right now as of February 21st, 2004, i am currently starving myself and after hearing one of my brothers friends say i got fatter, i don't think i'm going to stop starving myself because if something happens and i get depressed again, i rather not kill myself with a knife or gun, i'd rather die starving myself so at least i know i died skinny and pretty. Thanks for listening lulu_nicole@hotmail.com
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Moody's Story

I don't know when it all 'began', I just remember when it got hectic. For about the past 7 years I've gone through cycles of eating, binging, purging, cutting and exercising. Being bigger than your mom as a teen is never fun, and having a sister constantly torment you about your weight isn't easy either. I just remeber crying all the time about how fat I was and spending every night from about 15 on working out for hours in my room, hoping that one day I could be skinny enough. About 16 I discovered that if the less you eat, the more you loose and the more you loose the skinnier you become. It was a revelation, the key to making me a prettier person. I started highschool at 140 and left highschool at 110, I wish all lives were fairy tales and rules didn't exist, I'd still be skinny and even skinnier but I have parents, and they think it's their right to tell you to eat, and to make you eat and to make you go to counseling, to watch your every move. Now I'm in this cycle of eating, not eating, or binging and I hate it! I'm fat, gross, and ugly. I can't stand my body, I want to disappear. moody_the_paper_doll
@yahoo.com
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Kari's Story

In high school I was a die hard ana. I was a dancer and worked hard at keeping my weight down for competeing. Once I hit 82 pounds at 5' 3" I was escorted to EDU. I recovered to the tune of 102 to 112 for the rest of HS and till I got preg with my first child 10 years ago. at 7 weeks preg I was 102 by the time I delivered I wasa 180. Got down to 165 and got preg with my second exactly a year after the birth of my first. Shot up to 202. Five years later I had gotten back down to 135 and got preg with my third and last and ballooned up to 236. She is 3 now and as of Jan 9th of this year, after yo yo dieting since I delivered her I was 198. Today, Feb 20 I am 173 and have been triggered BACK into ana with a side of mia by pictures of me back in HS. I am determined to hold on to ana and mia but keep control. I am close to a 96 hour fast as of right now...NOTHING can stop me. Kjrsygrl74@aol.com
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Coppella's Story

I grew up the fat one, the fuck-up, the the stupid one in my family- black sheep to say the least. I tried my hardest to be perfect, but I wasn't. I constantly tried to perfect myself, to be what my family wanted, to make them proud- but they never thought I was good enough. I did all I could, but it seemed like everyone was telling me what to do, how to do it, but I never could. I finally broke down and started purging as well as starving in high school. I finally got to lose some weight, and I was happier- but still imperfect to my family. I was forced into recovery with threats of hospitalization, but now I know my parents were too chicken shit to put me into it. I was bothered and treated like a criminal about having an ED, but I wish deep down I had been smarter about it and not given it up. I went to a University 3 hours away from my family and started to make more of myself- in more ways than one. I got fatter and fatter before I discovered "pro-ana." Upon that, I started learning restriction again. I am making my life better by losing weight, since nothing else works. I am going to be perfect, be loved and be wonderful. And Ana is getting me there, one step, one pound at a time. persiaelaineleigh@yahoo.com
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Audrey's Story

I have been anorexic since the age of thirteen. I began formal treatment at Stanford University at the age of 21. I have been inpatient twice due to complications of the anorexia. My most recent treatment was in an outpatient program. My struggle with anorexia still haunts me to this day even though I'm 30 now. I see a therapist who is an eating disorders specialist twice per week. I hate my body. Every time I look at it I only see the parts of me that are still fat. I try to eat but the idea of putting food in my mouth disgusts me. I want to be free of the anorexia but I don't want to give up the drive to be thin. I don't know how to live any other way. The anorexia is all I know. Currently I'm studying to become a MFT(marriage family therapist) with the hope that I can treat other people with eating disorders. audreybell@lycos.com
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Bonnie's Story

My history with food is a little long. I am 40 now amd it seems like my whole life has been about food. As a kid I was real skinny, I had every knick name under the sun, bag of bones, tooth pick, string bean, etc. But in my head I was fat. I didn't realize how thin I was until I was older. When I was 18 I met a guy who was obsessed with my appearence. I was doing a little modeling at the time and he just became unbearable. I started to sneak eat. Then we got married and he became even more controling. I blew up to 220lbs! I was enormous! and very unhappy. This went on for almost 10 years. Then One day I woke up & decided I didn't want to be this person any more. I started dieting. But I lost so much weight so fast my hair fell out I was having anxiety attacks, I was a mess. I looked like I was melting. But I still wouldn't eat. Then I found out about good eating and working out. I lost the rest of the weight and got down to 122lbs. I eventually left my husband and started a new life. One that I could controle. I met some one a few years later & everything was great. Lately things have changed in my life. My mother -in-law came to live with me and she is very sick. She is a great woman but it has still changed my life. For the first time my weight has ben creeping up and old habits I thought were gone have begun to act up! I am eating for comfort. I have actaully reached 150lbs for the first time since I was pregnant. That was 7 years ago, and I lost that weight! So I found this sight and I find it helps to read what the other girls are going through and be a part of a group who have the same thoughts and concerns. It seems so wierd that I could go for days without eating and now it seems like an hour doesn't go but an I want to put something in my mouth! I'm getting scared. Being this fat again is so awful! I hate it and myself! I often find myself thinking I would rathr die than be this fat agian. blm439@aol.com
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Leonie's Story

Hello! At first I want to excuse me for my eventual bad English. I am from Germany and English is not my first language. There are no websites like this in the german web, so I decided to become a member here. My Story: Since I can think my mother filled me up with food. I have never been really thin. Once I got down to 130 lbs with a height of 168 cm but after that I gained weight again: up to 186 lbs. In this time I was binge-eating. At first I was bulimic, but with stopping this my weight was increasing more an more faster. I really hate me for that! When I saw the 186 lbs on the scale I began to change my eating behaviour and so I lost 18 lbs till now. I hate the way I am looking now! But I can�t begin a fast, because after a fast I begin with the binge-eating again. So I am eating veggies, low-carb and low-fat. Sometimes friens ask me why I want to get thinner because I would look good and I would never become really thin, because my whole family tends to becoming fat. I hate them, when they are saying things like that! I will get thin and when it is the last thing on the world I am doing! I am a bit ashamed to ask you to help me loosing my weight because you have already a weight I am dreaming of!!! So I hope you do not laugh about me! alphaprime@web.de
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Erin's Story

My mom has always pushed me to diet. A year and a half ago, I started a diet called PRISM, and of course, that got out of hand. At first I was just eating 1200 cals a day...and exercising 3 times a day. Then that changed to 300 calories and 3 time daily at the gym. Then I discovered that since I was homeschooled, that I could binge/purge all day long and not get caught...and STILL remain thin. So...then that started... And now I am in a phase...hopefully a one month thing only because I can't take it much longer...but I binge on food, and don't purge. What I don't understand is how I could go from Anorexic-thinking, to a compulsive eater?!!! How does that happen? But yeah, I gained 7 pounds in this last week. I NEED DESPERATE HELP to lose it again and remain my goal weight of 100 pounds (I am currently 117). THANK YOU. Erin_goff@hotmail.com
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Thea's Story

It started two years ago when I got my tonsils out. I was a figure skater, true to the core, and a runner! Those two sports kept me in phenominal shape. Anyway, when I got my tonsils out, they told me I was going to gain weight. I didnt believe them because I was only 95 pounds and 5'3. I was so thin, I was gorgeous. Eight months later I had gained 25 pounds and I was disgusting. From then on I knew what I had to do. I had to be the envy of everyone else so I stopped eating completly. It wasnt as if i woke up one day and said im not going to eat again, I gradually broke myself down. Meal by meal, snack by snack. Eventually my "diet" consumed me. My 95 average in school plummeted and I lost friends. I didnt care, I was thin again. Now I go back and forth with ym weight. I try to control my eating but as soon as I start I dont stop. I force myself to throw up what I eat and each time I do i spend hours at the gym. I need a buddy, someone to help me. Tiahh182@aol.com
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Kristin's Story

Well, i have always had a poor self image. i grew up where my mom was a diet freak and everytime i ate something fatty she would jiggle my stomach to tell me exactly why i shouldn't be eating that cookie. it wasn't bad enough that i sometimes got teased by my peers, but my own mother had to as well. My senior year had approached me and i decided that i had to do something. i wanted to be one of those girls taht all the guys talked about. most importantly, i wanted to blow everybody away at prom. boy did i, i lost 40 pounds off my 5'1" frame and zeros were soemtimes too big for me. slowly dieting turned to restriction of anything with fat. i was in control. then all the sudden here i am half way back from where i started and could lose about 15 pounds for me to tolerate myself. yep...i became bulimic for a while. mostly because after i binged i felt so bad about myself i knew i had to. now, all i crave is the control that i once had. i want it back and i intend to do anything! to get it back. for me to become a member would help me talk to people who have been there and are dealing with it. disclaimer10@HOTMAIL.COM
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Leigh's Story

Im almost 16 years, 5'4 and weigh about 112 pounds. Over the past 2 years or so Ive been very unhappy with my weight and want badly to get down to about 100. Ive been suffering from depression for quite awhile and during time spent at a psych ward I became very good friends with a bulemic girl. She gave me tips on making yourself throw up and when I got home I tried, but failed. I tried about 4 different times for 45 minutes each but nothing came up. So then I decided to just not eat at all. This has proved very difficult for me because my family loves to feed me and will sit there and watch me eat. Plus I love food so much and will eat when I become bored. Im hoping this community will give me strength and tips in fasting. It seems all I think about anymore is my weight. Its driving me crazy. Sometimes Ill count calories but I just hate to shower or look in the mirror simply because I have to see my body. I am so unhappy with my weight and the way my body looks. idoiqualify@aol.com
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Jenny's Story

I grew up on a farm where we had our own garten that supplied us with a lot of our food. So I grew up eating pretty healthy, fresh fruits and veggies. Then when I started going to highschool the food was like yuck! I started gaining a little weight. I had always been really skinny, so it sucked. I started just eating what fruit or veggies they would serve, which was not often, and that was it. Over time since I didn't eat often I lost more weight, and I looked even more greater. It also helped me deal with life, because I made it important to me. Now I'm in college and I still only eat fresh fruits and veggies. I am trying to lose some more weight, though if I told anyone here they would think I was crazy. I love being anorexic, it is my life style, not my disease. Nellypoohangel@hotmail.com
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ana to the core's Story

I've ben ana for around 5 months now and I can honestly say that she has saved my life! It prabablt started when i was around 14,i put on about 14lbs so quickly and my wieght just getting bigger and bigger, until I finally reached the point when I just couldn't take it any longer. I'd been skinny all my life and then all of a sudden I turned into a greedy little girl and it truly just plain sucked. I had to get out , get away from all the binging because it was damaging me phisically and emotionally. I began to loathr myself and hate the fat, ugly grotesque girl staring back at me.The image of my bulging thighs ,arms and stomach haunted me every single day. Plus my friends saw the change in me and though they never said anything directlt to my face I could feel them talking in disgust about my wieght gain.And that feeling ate me up inside.I didn't want people talking about how fat I had become,I wanted them to envy my thinness. Then my mom started on me, saying stuff like" You eat to much, stop it".So I did and I'm glad all of these people gave me the wake up call that I urgently needed. I am ana, ana is me. leanordtowle@aol.com
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Alexa's Story

Eating Disorders run in my family my grandmother and my mother had one.I started feeling very insecure about my weight in 5th grade.I would always say i wanted to be skinnier but i never had done anything about it. I cant really remember but i heard something about pro-ana sites maybe on an Opra episode and how they were bad. So i decided i wanted to go check one out to see whut all the fuss was about.I started reading the sites and thinking to myself boy these people are crazy but a part of me wanted to be just like them.I noticed myself starting to go on them more and look more up and i realized that i was eating less and less hoping to maybe lose some weight. I never planned to become anorexic i just thought that for now this would help me lose weight faster.Well i was wrong.It's now just the way i live for 4 years now.Anorexia has done alot for me and i thank it .. i dont kno wat i would look like if i hadnt discoverd a pro-ana site.Thaaank u Ana !! babibella2@aol.com
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