Sarah's Story
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Tamara's Story
I have been a compulsive eater all my life. Then things began falling
apart. I have always been chubby, but when I ballooned to over 170 lbs
I knew I had to stop.. But I kept eating more and more, people at school
would tease me, clothes wouldn't fit. My mom is thin and so are my sisters.
But I couldn't stop eating then I slept with this guy and he ruined
my life. I had a miscarriage at his house. He didn't believe me. Recently
I moved back with my mom after being left in a different state with
my horrible father. I turned 18 and went down to 160 lbs. Yet it seemed
the more I lost the worse I felt. Then I meet this guy and he made me
feel great. But he didn't want me as more than a friend. I didn';t even
imply my feeling or anything. I had a party and ended up sleeping next
to him and another guy friend. He held my hand and I felt so good. But
then I got in a fight with the guy who had ruined my life. He was staying
over too. I got pissed off and he started telli! ng rumors. I ate 2
sundaes and a huge bowl of chicken noodle soup. I felt horrible. I hate
him. After I played with my voodoo doll I snapped. I was fat. everything
i hated stemmed from this. my friends are beautiful. they all are. I
will get a picture and send it to you of my friends and me. Theres about
8 of us. amber, jason, casey, craig, chanel, charlie, christine, and
mario, and of course myself. we are all hardcore punkers. mohawks, peircings
and tattoos. way before it was a trendy thing. amber has this cute little
body and so does her sister christine. chanel is so pretty. christine
dates charlie, and chanel dates craig, and jason dates amber. casey
wa sthe one who screwed me over in case youre wondering. well, my mom
has dabbled in anorexia. and i started to loathe myself more and more.
i love my friends and they think I'm gorgeous. yea, i have a pretty
face but what about my ugly body. i felt uncomplete. I felt small while
feeling huge. I threw up compulsivl! y and ate more and more. I excersised
but it didn't help. then my mom bought a Gazelle and she lost alot of
weight in one week by eating healthy and excerising. well, thats it,
i thought. and i compelled myself to eat less and less. every time i
stepped on the scale it was 1 lb lighter. everyday. then i wore this
cute dress that made me look 30 lbs lighter with a corset and i stopped
traffic. literally, this guy driving a forklift almost ran into a wall,
people at gas stations offered to help me fill up my car and opened
doors and asked for my number. people would whistle and were so much
nicer. then it hit me. pretty gets you alot farther than ugly. so i
stopped eating and focused my efforts into not thinking about food and
into my homework, i started getting straight a's!! i hadn't done that
since elementry school! the house was always clean and i was hapy, my
mom noticed a change in me. my life didnt seem so horrible. so thats
were i am. i love it. i have control over so! mething in my life that
i love. and it makes me happy, as sick as that sounds. but i wouldnt
have it any other way.
eonian15@msn.com
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Mle's Story
I am proud of who I am. I will be what I want to be...and no one can
change it. I have been diagnosed with Anorexia and Bulimia. I started
being aware of ana in my presence when I was in grade six. At the time,
i was 80kgs....a number I now refuse to even think about unless it's
in pounds. I was teased sencelessly untill i finally realised what everyone
was telling me...i was gross...and unfit to live...and so i began to
change that. I listened to ana and she helped me lose 22kgs. Another
22 and then I will be happy. I recently have been found out. Im so angry.
I was soo careful for so long and one night i was not strong enough
and I told someone. That someone told my mother, and I am now currently
being admitted into hospital every two weeks.
creamy_dreams@hotmail.com
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Tasheena's Story
I have been struggling on and off with anorexia for the last 8 years.
Looking in the mirror for me is like looking into a fun house mirror.
No matter how much weight I lose I always see that I not porportioned
correctly or that parts of my body are too large. It has been an uphill
battle for me lose weight, just because I feel that I have a very slow
metabolism. The only possible way for me to lose weight is to stop eating
altoghether. Once I do that the weight just peels off. In the past I
have been in the eating disorder unit at the hospital because my parents
and loved ones feared for my life. Now that I am 23 years old I feel
that I can control my weight on my own standards and do not have to
worry that others will notice and put me in the hospital. Maybe that
has made me worse, but I know that I feel better about myself. ttweishaar@msn.com
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LoLife's Story
I guess I should get started then, hmm? Well I've always been small.
Small frame, small bones, small everything. I still barely clear 5'2
on a good day. ;) My mother has always been 'concerned' with her weight.
She used to be a knockout and doesn't let a day go by without her bitching
about how she's "lost her body". I was an early developer, I was a full
fledged woman (breast, hips, butt, period, all of it) by ten years old.
All the rest of my friends were still getting clothes from the children's
section. I didn't like this new addition of fat that I had no control
over. I guess that's when it started. Ever since then I've been on a
roller-coaster. I'll eat 'normally' (about 1000 calories) for 2 days,
then not eat for 3, and then for the next 3 eat and vomit. It's incredibly
erratic. It's a lot worse when I'm stressed. I really don't know what
to say. I've never been clinically diagnosed, because I haven't lost
my period yet (and I'm a good liar). If you were going to diagnose me
I guess it would be ED-NOS, because I haven't lost my period, and I
don't just restrict, I also binge and purge. I'm just trying to stay
afloat and find people more like me that will understand, and that don't
know me in reallife so my cover can't be blown. Thanks for your time.
wccngr@yahoo.com
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Christina's Story
well when I was about 15 or 16 i began gaining tons and tons of weight.
I was asked to the junior prom and i went dress shopping and felt so
fat! so i started dieting. I lost about 10 lbs which i was very proud
of...but as soon as the summer came i put the pounds back on...for months
i hated myself cuz i was so fat. even my mom said i was gaining weight
and needed to go to the gym. So i wwent to the gym almost everyday,
and started dieting. I wasn't loosing weight, so i thought. I weighed
135lbs. i needed to get the weight off. So i decided to go on a 7 day
fast. Drinking only water. I finally started loosing weight. i was so
proud of myself! but i was loosing the weight so fast that i didn't
want my family noticing. So then i began binging and purging. This went
on for about 8 months. I was then asked to join the cheerleading team.
I was excited and tried out...AND MADE IT!!! WHOOPIE! Now keep in mind
im only 5 feet tall...so i was a flyer. My coach then told me...if i
lost a few pounds..i would be awesome! Now all my life i had been playing
sports and heard the same thing. "if u loose a few pounds you'll be
faster...better...etc" so i continued dieting and started binging and
purging again. I wouldn't eat dinner with my family...i would always
go downstairs...eat tons and tons of leftovers...and run to the bathroom.
No one ever caught me. Going out with friends to restauraunts...no one
would ever know. Senior year came around and i was gaining more weight...then
binging wasn't working. So i tried diet pills. I forget which ones i
used but i felt so good while taking them!!! anyways i went to a competition
for cheerleading one day...and felt really weak. At this point i weight
only 96lbs...and i was still trying to loose more because senior prom
was coming up. I ended up passing out in the middle of our routine.
I was put on a feeding tube...my heart rate was completly abnormal.
I was in the hospital for almost 4 weeks...and the sad thing is...as
soon as i got out...i began dieting because i had gained weight. I know
its wrong...but i can't help it. So i graduated and met the man of my
dreams. i don't know why hes even with me He caught me throwing up one
day...and so i told him everything. he didn't leave me surprisingly...hes
trying to help me. i jsut hate being fat...i don't know what else to
say. I know there are ppl out there that know how i feel...i just wish
i had someone to talk to in person. I am in my second semester in college
right now. and it's so hard!!! eating healthy isn't possible! i need
support and i always find it at this website...i love it! needhamc@thomas.edu
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Carli's Story
Well, I've always had trouble with food. Most of it has had to do with
depression and a whole lot of disordered eating in my family. I've starved
myself, abused diet pills and laxatives, and the last year and a half
I've been fighting compulsive-overeating. I'm trying to head back in
the other direction cause I seriously am incapable of normal eating.
It's either starvation or eating til I am about to explode. I am not
too interested in recovery since I've tried that path before. I've finally
just come to realize that I am incapable of eating "normally" whatever
the hell that is. I personally think everyone has problems with food
in varying degrees of disfunction. < Woah, I totally claim that as my
quote. hehe anyway. here are my stats real quick cause that's what i
always want to know about people first...like just how fat issss she??
stats: height- 5'6" CW-140 HW-153 LW-105 GW-110
Aquababy0307@aol.com
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Lizzy's Story
I started a "diet" in January of 2002. It wasn't until March of 2003
that I finally admitted to myself that I was anorexic. It was also around
that time that I first starting cutting myself, to deal with the numbness
that had settled in. October of 2003 my mother found out about my ana.
I was about 89 lbs at the time (I'm 5'2"); my lowest ever was 87. I
started seeing a therapist, and then a nutritionist and my doctor. This
recovery thing is the worst. I hate every second of it because I know
that I'm not doing it for myself--I'm doing it to make other people
happy. I wish no one knew. Once I go away to college, I'm going right
back to ana. My goal weight is 82 lbs. We'll see what happens from there.
ejchristian86@yahoo.com
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Amanda's Story
Well, I for one never really thought I had an eating disorder. It never
occuried to me that not eating was causing me to starve myself. I had
always been the "fat kid" and was teased and I wanted to do something
about it. I tried going on diets but it never worked. I'd find myself
sitting in front of the tv, the computer, laying down in my bed, and
just... eating. My freshman year in highschool, was very crazy for me.
I had felt like an outcast and there were people I was meeting and beginning
to like, but none of them looked at me the way I wanted them too, and
I know why, it was because I was fat. I had fought with the hate it
brought upon myself for years now, and it was finally starting to get
to that point. One day I decided I would start riding the bus to my
grandmaws instead of my house because I didn't want to be alone and
I had many friends that lived close by. I don't know about your grandmaw,
but at mine... I never eat. She would always have snack cakes and I
would munch on them, but no real food. This went on for a while where
I would eat something very small then sleep the day off. The cravings
never really bothered me and I was fine. After a while eating like this
became habit. I wouldn't eat as much at home, friend's, or anywhere
I would go out. I just felt full and that was that. I began losing a
dramatic amount of weight. I myself didn't really notice because in
my eyes I was still fat. One day my parents were bitching telling me
I need to eat and that they thought I was anorexic. I laughed at the
thought. The next year at school, my sophmore year, I came back a completely
new person. I had lost the weight and a new me was showing through.
It was still habit to eat very small portions and people were still
saying stuff about me being anorexic, but I just played it off and told
them they were being ridiculous. Recently I have fallen into the world
of bulima. I was never able to purge before when attempted. One day
I had eaten so much and felt so disgusting. I lurched myself over the
toilet and it... just happened. That moment was weird. Instead of feeling
"wrong" for doing it- it felt great, wonderful, almost euphoric. I began
doing that about 3x's a week for about 5 months now. My body now will
hold very little food. When I eat to much, my body will tell me that
I need to purge and even when I eat small amounts and don't want to
purge- my body will bring up miniscule amounts of it.
mandiekaye@msn.com
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Virginia's Story
so basically im 5-3 5-4 and my mom was anorexic when she was little
so shes like always been on a diet and i always think im fat. i mean
ppl tell me im skinny but in my mind i look like a 200 pound fat cow.
not really though, i only weigh 100 pounds. my goal is 80 and then ill
stop. i do all of em fasting for 4 or 5 days and then barfing after
i eat.,.. but i dont eat like everything i eat less than normal ppl
but then still barf it up cuase itll make me fatter. but yea so thats
about all misshammie@aol.com
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Katie's Story
I started to diet when i was 10.Then i stopped for three years and did
some realy stupid things.So i started to eat only 500 calories a day
to focus on weight instead of what i did.Then in august of last year
i started to force myself to throw up.And my mom kind of caught me one
day.So she called my counseler and told her about it.Then the next time
i saw her she asked me about it and i said i didn't and she was like
ok.I still did it after that.Then i stopped because i threw up blood.And
for two weeks i couldn't breath that well.I got realy scared that i
would die in my sleep.Then three months later i started to throw up
again.And now i'm thinking of starting to not eat that much again. americangirl0790@yahoo.com
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Brandy's Story
Well, I don't even know where to start with my long long story lol.
All I know is that I began to notice that I had troubles with eating
back in the 7th grade. And like most people, I started dieting, you
know, trying to "watch" what I ate, then that slowly grew into eating
less, then of course, that grew into not eating hardly ever. And those
were the days. Now, I can't seem to find the willpower I once had. I'm
now in the 11th, grade, so I've had my ED for almost 5 years. And I've
had an still do have more than one. I have anorexia when I conjure up
the willpower, bulimia when I know I've ate too much, and know I have
to purge, and by the "doctors diagnoses" I also have excessive exercise
( i honestly dont believe in such a thing hehe). I'm a big FAT 150 lbs
now and have came a long way from my 100lbs days. God how do I miss
them. My goal is to most definitly get rid of all this lard, and get
back to those glorious days. After all these years, this needs to be
the year I actually get what I want :) hookahbird47@yahoo.com
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Crystal's Story
I started being anorexic at age 14. I just thought I was too fat. At
age 17, I became bulimic because my mother made me and watched me eat
all my dinner. I would go into the bathroom and throw everything up
afterward. I would make myself puke until I saw blood. Then I was happy
and knew that all the gross food was out of my system. I am older now,23,
but I still have problems with my weight. I am 5 foot 7 inches. I weight
120 pounds. I would like to get down to 100 pounds by summertime so
that I do not look gross in my bathing suit. I love to swim. I also
got my belly button pierced, so it would look gross if I was fat. I
need a little help from other people because it seems like I can never
lose enough weight. I am having trouble getting down to my goal weight.
mbyrd5@austin.rr.com
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Lauryn's Story
I've struggled with my weight since I was in my pre-teens. I've never
weighed a massive weight, or even a big weight, but it always seemed
I had to be so careful about every bite I put into my mouth or otherwise
the scale would show it. My family is all very into staying thin...my
mother is 5'6 and after having three kids she's always stayed between
120-130; not bone thin or a weight I want but a small weight for a 40+
mom just the same. My dad knows everything there is to know about diets
and nutrition. He used to be a professional marathon runner and actually
had bulimia and slight anorexia throughout his running career to stay
at his goal weight. Over the years, I have tried different diets; sometimes
did well and sometimes failed. There's always been a great unspoken
pressure in my house to stay thin and attractive, and both of my parents
are. Growing up in this has made my weight a huge deal for me, and I
admit I'm obsessed with it. My obsession led to me purge everything
when I ate too much, and survive on juice or sometimes simply water
for days at a time while exercising as well. I passed out one day from
heart palpations, and my habits stopped for awhile. Now, I've gotten
up to what is a very disgusting weight for me and I'm more motivated
than ever to stay ana no matter what people say or think. I will reach
100lbs no matter how long the road will take me. I love ana/mia sites
because they motivate me even more and give me support from people who
don't think my habits are wrong. adore771@geocities.com
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anahope's Story
i don't know if i could pinpoint when my ana started, the best i could
guess would be about 15 but i've had eating issues since about 10 or
so. i dont' remember anyone saying specificaly that i was overweight
or fat or anything but i always felt that way. in school all the popular
girls were thin and beautiful. and as i got older they got thinner and
prettier. and i know that sounds like a spoiled child talking but all
i've ever craved was acceptance. i started dieting around 14 but didn't
lose that much weight and i didn't have a lot of self contol. i'm not
sure how it started but i found that if i fasted for a few days and
then ate minimaly i lost weight faster. so i did that off and on for
about 3 years, a lot of times i lost control and binged. for the last
4 years i've been trying to reach my goal weight of 95 lbs. i'm 22 right
now. and at 5"3 i weigh 118lbs. my hw was 145, my lw was 98. there are
times when i think i could be happy like this but if i look at myself
in the mirror i know i'n not good enough yet, but i will be. within
two months i should reach my goal because i'm ready to commit myself,
i just need help. t_awnia @hotmail.com
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Michelle's Story
My eating disorder story? Wow, there's a waste of three paragraphs...
Well, it started with the realization that I was overweight and the
taunts and jeers that I was beginning to receive for being so. When
I was around eleven years old, I woke up and realized that I was fat
and nasty looking. I was about twelve years old or so when I began my
first "diet." It consisted of excercising constantly on as little food
as I could manage. Doing this sort of thing by yourself is hard work
if you've never tried it. I got down to a size 3 and made the cheerleading
team in junior high. Losing weight made everything possible, and I was
praised for my efforts. When I was around fourteen, I discovered what
Pro-ana meant and consisted of. I actually first heard about it on an
Anti Pro-ana Lifetime Movie. Ironic? Eventually, I quit cheerleading.
I couldn't stand to be around those skinny girls when all they did was
eat. Sure, it was fun. But I had to isolate myself from the te! am if
I wanted to stay thin. So I did. By Highschool, I was starting to realize
that my eating disorder was out of control. I tried to stop starving
myself in my Freshman year, but it was a miserable time for me. It might
sound weird, but I actually missed being Anorexic. I stopped trying
to act like I didn't care about what I ate. I stopped caring when my
friends told me that I was too skinny. By my sophomore year, I was back
in control of my weight issue. Now, I can pretty much recite the food
labels of about the entire grocery store, and people relate to me as
the girl who is "always cold." Anorexia's not a bed of roses, true,
but I can't picture living without it. I'm sixteen now, 5'7'', and 115
pounds. Not too impressive, I know. I'm sorry for not being good enough.
Truly, I am. I worry sometimes over what I would do if I woke up one
morning a normal person. The thought actually scares me. I am happy
at night when I go to bed, as long as my stomach is growling for food
in a half-hearted sort of way, as if it has given up. But it's not all
about being skinny. Any true Anorexic would know that. I'm just still
trying to figure out what it IS about. Sway3078@aol.com
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