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Francesca's Story

It started out as a simple diet, no biggie. Then as the days progressed i found it started to consume my life, being thin was always on my mind. I was starting to find it extreamly hard to focus in class or even go to class. My sleep was soo out of whack that i couldnt even get up for the bus on account of i hadnt been able to sleep ALL night. I found my grades slipping away from me and i felt like i had no choice but to just let them go. Last year i was a bronze honur roll student i was a member of my cheerleading floor team and i very rarley ever missed classes..this year is completly different. Im no longer on the honur roll nor am i on the floor team, i was reduced to a spare due to my poor failing grades. I supose i did this to my self thats what i always say and next year will be different. Will i ever be satisfied, will i ever be skinny? thats what im wondering. What if this is just a big waste of time?? Food is soo adictive i wish there was an easier way i wish there was a "miracle pill" that worked, take one and instant skinny! but you have to work..and ill work..ill be perfect by the summer and i cant wait!=) snapbubbles@hotmail.com
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Mala Ruza's Story

sometimes when i think back, its so clear to me how it all started, but then it wasnt..... i guess you can say its from me being a dancer....... i started dancing at the age of 3 and it has been my life since then but for the past 5 years ive been living a different life. i lived thru waking up everyday deciding with each thought it my head whether to starve myself today, or eat and throw up- and it turned into a continual routine. My weight has never stayed the same for a long period of time its always changing and im only satisfied if it goes down. But this routine in my life- is my life, i know that i dont want it to leave me, its an inseparable part of me. its my comfort, my best friend, my shield and i know there are so many of you out there who think the same. my teeth and my insides are badly damaged, but its the satisfaction i get that doesnt let me care or stop.... i dont want it to stop im letting it stay.... but please i need someone to talk to srebreno_andeo@hotmail.com
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Delane's Story

I started when I was 12 years old. My parents got a devorse and it was a rough one. Three months after the devorce my dad got remarried. I know had a step brother that was older. On the way walking to school he started to molest me. So I would try to be sick to get out of walking with him. The only way I thought was to throw up after every meal. My dad and my step mom started getting worried with all the school I was missing. They thought something was really wrong with me and they never left me alone because by then I was fainting from malnutrition. But I was safe from my step brother. This went on for about a year it is lucky I did not flunk school because I hardly went. My parents were so confused and my doctors were confused. They had this bright idea to put me in a hospital. A mental hospital for adolecents so they could watch me. After a month they figured out I was doing it myself. The day before my release I finally broke down about my brother. I was so scared. The proffessionals got involved but they could not do anything because he was not much older than me. They ended up sending him to another state to live with my grandfather. When I was 16 years old we moved to that state. I was doing good at a good weight. Now I was moving to a new state where I new nobody. And to this monster my brother. Well anyways you know what happened and I started again. Now at 27 years old ana is my good friend of corse when I see my brother mia is there to protect me. He says I will always be his because on holidays and family get to gethers I see him. But really I am ana and mia's. Gees you said 3 paragraphs and I wrote a book. I know people view what I do as bad but actually it has kept me alive and sane. If I did not have my ed I probably would of killed myself. Rossan_76@hotmail.com
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Kayla's Story

Well, Im 14 years old, I guess Im not too bad of an anorexic. My mind works so much different than others around me. All I think about is food and what Im gonne eat to make it past my mom, not to let her suspect anything of an eating disorder. My friends are all worried, I dont understand why because Im not underweight, I might be eventually, and I hope to become worse. I know it sounds awfull for e to want to be worse, but I am 5'4" 115 lbs. There are girls at my school that are my height or taller and weigh 10-20 lbs. less than me. I want to be thin like them. I know Im not fat, In fact Im at a healthy weight at the moment. Today at 3:00 it had been 48 hours since the last time I had eaten, it was so scary to me. At school I felt so drained and completely out of it. I was shaking....I threw up 3 times...I didnt know what was going on with me. I was so happy that I had made it for 2 whole days without eating. It was all I thought about during that time. Some people have been trying to get me to think right, it didnt work. My best friend Maddie is heading down the same path as me, I guess friends help friends get sick....some friend I am...I told her that if she does this it is going to controll her life and make her feel awfull when she does eat. I save my lunch money and get about 10 dollars a week, I feel so happy about it. Today when I ! got home I ate cereal and it filled me up so fast. I feel bad now that I ate though, I just wish I knew exactly what Im doing. Maybe I do need help, I dont know, but I plan on getting worse for now, Ill get help later on down the road. Kaylas727@hotmail.com
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Holly's Story

It started when i was 15. My friend Pam was ana i believe (she was deifnitely underweight), and i thought she looked good all skinny and stuff. She denied dieting and everything but the way she ate was really weird and she ate barely anything. She also told me she went jogging regularly. She was like 5'4 and 90 lbs or something, really thin. So i wanted to be like her. I thought she was beautiful. Subconsciously, i started eating less. By the time i was 16 i was becoming obsessed with my weight and also depressed and thought i was a fat slob, so i sometimes went a few days without eating. My mom was an alcoholic and made me feel like shit, and i thought that starving was the only real control i had over my life. I felt completely helpless to because that summer i had moved and i was away from all my friends at my other school (including pam) and i was devestated. So basically, i didnt really have much will power. Id go a few days without or with little food and then id end up bingeing and purging. Through this, did drop a little weight but it was a horrible cycle and my mom suspected i was throwing up so i just stopped, and for the most part, when i was 17 though i still had issues with food i ate pretty normally, except for an OCCSASIONAL bout of bingeing and purging, and ONLY when i was super depressed. At 18, i was doing ok. Sometimes id try to make myself go on these crash diets when i was feeling depressed, like that was my punishment. But then i started feeling better and id just eat normally again. For the most part i ate normally though. And i think i threw up for the first time in a year. But never after that again, because i hate throwing up. So now im 19, i turned 19 in october, and ive been really depressed lately. I lost my job a week ago, i lost my wallet 2 days ago, and a few days ago my sould mate moved to alabama (long story.. he has a girlfriend and i have a boyfriend but we were perfect for each other). he wanted me to go with him, and i said i couldnt that i had to finish school, and he up and left NY 3 days ago to go to alabama.. i was so depressed, i didnt know what to do with myself. So i have been eating practically nothing for the past week or so .. And i dont think im gonna return to eating normally, or doing any kinda bingeing and it is scary. Food is the enemy now, ive never truely felt this way before.. like ive always been like a day here a day there no food but its been about a week, and i really want to be ana because i feel like a piece of shit and that i deserve to starve and i wont be good enough unless i lose a whole buncha weight and get some attention. i always feel like everyone ! is better. so this is my way of making me feel better.. ive begun to associate hunger with feeling good, and food is evil.. Ledzeppchikk@yahoo.com
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Tawny's Story

I have been a dancer my whole life and it was very competitive to be the best and the tiniest especially since we always got meausred for our costumes in front of everyone and our meausrements were said out loud. Our dance instructor would make comments if you were larger than the rest of the girls and you would be put in the back. Luckily I was never one of those girls and my parents did not care that she was doing this since my grandmother was a dancer and my mom was a model. They did not see anything wrong with putting down young girls as long as I did not become one of the "fat girls in dance". I was put on diets so I would be the tiniest girl there and I didn't eat much. I never thought much of it I thought every kid did the same things as me. I was always taught that being skinny is more important than anything else and that if you aren't skinny no one will like you. It wasn't until I was in middle school when there was a divorce and I became depressed, lost almost all my friends and than I started packing on the weight. I didn't notice that I'd lost my beautiful figure. It wasn't until about 7th grade that I hit triple digits I was about 5'2''ish and around 100lbs that was a very big thing for me, because when I was 5'0'' I was around 70lbs or so. The weight kept coming I ate whatever I liked when I liked. Than I had become one of the Fat people that I was taught to never become. My family would make fun of me and make me feel bad. In high school, I thought things had gotten better, but no now people just talked behind my back. People said I had a pretty face, that always broke my heart when someone said something like that. I never felt good enough for anyone. I started cutting myself and using drugs and drinking a lot. In one month I would fast for 10 days while using crystal meth. Than drink vodka and weed and purge whenever I ate. It had gotten really bad. I ended up leaving and I lost a lot of weight from doing cheerleading. I was still snorting crystal meth, but not as much and I was still making sure I ate no more than 500 calories. Of course, like how everyone is people would talk about your weight even the really skinny girls thought they were fat it was crazy. My friend was 5'4'' and around 80lbs and they told her to lose weight (another cheerleader). I ended up leaving that school as well. I haven't been using crystal meth in a while or cutting myself. I can not stop the purging and starving myself. I tell myself I'm going to eat and not purge than I eat look in the mirror and I start throwing up. I eat once a day and I end up throwing up whatever I eat. I take diet pills, exercise for hours. I can not stop this vicious cycle I want to hit my whole weight. I am currently 5'8'' and I want to be 90lbs. I just want my old skinny body back and I want to be beautiful like I use to be. My best friends are all very skinny and one is even a model. ~Tawny hurts_to_feel@hotmail.com
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Desiree's Story

In sixth grade I stumbled upon a pro-ana site(The Grotto to be more specific.) At the time I was morbidly obese. I was 5'5 and 242 lbs. Something from that site just clicked with me. Throughout the course of that year, I lost close to 100 lbs. Then Mia stepped into my life. Mia has not only made my progress plateu but regress. I was down to 132, but now Im up to 150. To reach my ultimate GW I need to loose 3.7 lbs a week. That is do-able to me. I just have to kill mia. Mia has given me nothing except strife, many soar throats, and excess weight. In the beginning I had no idea what I was doing. I just thought I would loose a few pounds and be okay. The E.D. swallowed me, and ever since I started fighting it I've stopped loosing weight. I'm going re-embrace my ED. It's the only thing keeping me sain. NeverEnough2Be@cs.com
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Phoebe's Story

oka, well i am the way i am because it all started with my parents i think...when i was about 7 my parents divorced because my dad was highly abusive and drunk. when i was about 9 or 10 i started to become extremly depressed..my sisters always told me i was fat, and my mom has always wanted me to be the perfect child..well, when i got older, she started controlling everything in my life...put me on diets, bought exercise tapes, and mind you, i didnt think i was fat at the time.. so since i was 12 ive been dieting and learning all these ways to get skinny..well now my mom tells me how to look, what i can say and do and act in font of people..but the one thing she cant control, is what or how little i put in my mouth...so about a month ago i stopped eating..and limited myself to certain foods, and only so much..i figure that is one thing she CANT control..because its MY body..u know? its my life, and my secret..i will be beautiful once i am light enough..i will see my ribs and! feel my hips bones...its absolute perfection..and it going to my choice. fairyg0dess15@aol.com
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Jess's Story

I don't have an eating disorder. I just find it very interesting to find out the reasons why, and look into both sides of the perspective. I'm doing a project currently for eating disorders, specifically anorexia, and I want to know how it gets inside your head, the best techniques... anything and everything. I know I can't feel for you guys because I've never been there, and I'm sure you all don't want any sympathy from me, but I would love to hear you stories and be there for all of you. Thank you. jjmissay@aol.com
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Manor's Story

Well I'm 16 and I started when I was about 14 and 1/2. I was first hospitalized for anorexia in October 2002. Then when i was discharged I lived a "normal" life for a while A few months later i got on the scale and was mortified by the numbers. I began starving myself again and in May 2003 I was hospitalized again but this time it made me worse. I learned about laxatives and diet pills and safe foods. and when i was discharged that time I left and starved until i hit my lowest weight. And then I was sent to a special eating disorder clinic in Ohio November 2003 and left and lost all the weight and am currently at my lowest weight Althought times are really tough and I am always on the verge of breaking I somehow seem to get through it. BelowFreezin8@aol.com
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Bobbie's Story

ive always been small i never thought much about it and i always liked it i always told everyone i had the model body till one day i got asked at school if i was anorexic well i had never heard that word before i didnt know what to say cause i didnt know what it was so i thought why is this person asking me this so i did some research to find out what it meant and that is where i discovered yes i have anorexia my doctor i talked to about it said i should see a therapist well needless to say she is not my doctor anymore for 2 reasons the clinic in my town closed down and she went back to her hometown where she was from so now i dont have a doctor but that former doctors nurse is the one that said i had anorexia she told my husband she could see it in my eyes so that is my story and im not gonna give my stats cause i dont want anyone to feel bad hope u thought my story was ok it was honest bllawson@tds.net
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Selina's Story

My name is Selina, but everyone calls me Nina. I live in Brisbane, Australia and I am sixteen years old. I am in my last year of study at a prestigious girls private school, and I live with my mother. I dont really like to call this my eating disorder story, because I dont consider eating to be disordered, rather strictly controlled. Plus, the word story suggests that there is an ending, but I know theres no ending. I have been playing heaps of sport all my life, and always had a strong, muscly figure, until last year in june holidays i visited my dad who works on a luxury charter boat in New Caledonia. I put on a few kilos on holiday, and a male member of the crew decided to be a smart ass and tell me that a few days of throwing up from sea sickness would help me "lose some ass." I had never really considered my figure much cos i was pretty confident, but he made me look in the mirror and say "holy crap." I decided i would go back to school a different person, and i did. I have since lost 15kilograms (about 33 pounds)I now weigh 110pounds, and would love to lose another 10. I have also been through a stage of depression and self-harm, but have learnt to manage my emotions and not let what i eat affect the way i feel. I hope you accept me onto your site. I often acess it, you have the best thinspiration pictures and the best set up. I hope i can contribute some tips, although they will probably be useful only to girls living with parents. my mother is constantly suspicious and controlling of me, she took me for a blood test today to find out about amenhorrea or something, whatever that means. Im just trying make my body look like i want it to. I want to reach my ideal. I want to be beautiful. I dont want to carry my sins in the form of fat thighs, thanks very much. It frustrates me how much everyone tries to invade my privacy now, just because i am thinner. I hope you understand. misselina@hotmail.com
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dftothebone's Story

I went on a regular diet (weight watchers). I lost a good amount on that. I went from 148-135. Then I stopped. I gained to about 137. Then i decided last summer to be really strict about it. so i was on weight watchers, i just wouldnt let myself eat to much. I went down to about 126. after that i became so depressed about my weight and everything. i began to stop eating, restricting, exercising. I even started cutting. then for about a month i binged every single day. i gained until i got to about 138. now i'm about 128 and doing well. but i want to be about 110. I think i can do it! dftothebone@hotmail.com
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Lex's Story

Where do I start?? I'll tell you about me. I'm 25, 5 foot 3 inches tall and today I weighed in at 112 lbs. For almost a year now I've had an "eating disorder". I've had issues with my weight ever since I was about 13. When I started High School I was an average weight, but then it started to pile on. By the time I was 15 I weighed in the region of 160 lbs and I knew I was overweight. High School sucked. I was teased for being fat, I was unpopular with the boys and although I had friends, I was considered to be a "weirdo". I tried all the diets around, but never really stuck to them. I didn't understand the concept of fat and calories so instead of losing weight, it went up! By the time I reached University I weighed more than 170 lbs. When I was 23 I finally found a diet that worked for me and through hard work and careful eating I dropped from 170 lbs to 140 lbs. In the space of a year I'd dropped 2 dress sizes and felt great. But then I hit a low point last year where I'd had enough of still being overweight and of hating myself because of it, so I decided to do something about it. I started a "drastic diet" and cut my daily calorie intake from 2,000 to 500. After a few weeks I cut it to 400 calories a day, then 300, then finally stuck at 200. If, for some reason, I had eaten more that my allowance of calories in a meal, I'd make myself vomit. On a bad day I'd do this 3 or 4 times. But eventally I learnt that it was just easier not to eat. I also started taking slimming pills, and I still take them daily. In 6 months my weight went from 140 to 105 lbs, but I felt great!! I could see my bones. For the first time in my life I could feel my spine and see my ribs and collar bones - it was such a re-freshing feeling. People started to notice but I didn't care. Eventually, eveyone realised I had a bit of a problem and although I did cave in and speak to a doctor, nothing's been done about it (much to my relief). Somehow though, through neglect, my weight has gone back up to 112 lbs, so I'm back to feeling bad about myself, and hating myself. I'm going back to my "drastic diet" now to sort things out. I want my bones back!!
lestacia@yahoo.com
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Alex's Story

Well let's see, it all began the summer of March 2003 (what I can remember). It was my grandma's 65th birthday and I was 263 pounds at 5'7". Obese, I really didn't give a shit. It was a big party that we had for her and I had never felt so good before in my life. The day the pictures were developed, something happened that c hanged my life forever. I saw a GIGANTIC WHALE. My face was bloated, fat hanging from all sides, and most of all, my clothes were so tight, they barely fit me. I decided to go on a diet. After all, throughout my middle school and high school, I was teased about how fat I was. I was also teased because I was gay. Being the obese 16 year old that I was, I began to starve myself on a daily basis. Sometimes I was so hungry, I would cry myself to sleep. I remember going on all sort of fasts: water fasting, juice fasting, etc... By thanksgiving, I weighed 180, and it had also been my 17th birthday. My family began to worry, I was always looking so! tired and weak and pale. Knowing that I was doing so good, I had never felt fatter than I was at 263 pounds. I began to binge and purge. I was always so depressed. Then I discovered the beauty of cutting. Whenever I got hungry, I would slice my arms with razor blades. It felt so good that I couldn't feel it. I was also the biggest loner. I never had any friends. So basically ana/ mia was my only friend and the only thing I could control in my life. I couldn't control my looks or anything. I went from a size 38 to a size 34. By Christmas, I wiehged 175. My weight continued to teeter totter due to mia. Anyways, to make a long story short, I made a friend, have been put into the hospital for attempted suicide, discovered pro ed websites, im on prozac, been diagnosed with all sorts of psychological illnesses, and continue to see a doctor, psychiatrist, and counselor. I have no intention on recovering anytime soon. I now weigh 152 at 5'7" and my goal weight is 68 pounds. I don't! if anyone thinks I am crazy, I will be 68 pounds whether it's a struggle btween life and death. I fit into a size 30 now and continue to struggle my ups and down and trying to rid mia from my life altogether. You can never be too thin and no one can ever make you eat if you don't want to. It's my life and if my ED makes me happy, then so be it. boyinterrupted68
@hotmail.com
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Tatiana's Story

Hello my name is Tatiana. I have been dealing with anorexia since i was 12 and bulimia since i was 14. I am now 15 ill be 16 in 3 months. I really dont know wexactly what you are looking for , or what i am supposed to write, so yah. lol Anyway at 12 i was 70 lbs and very depressed so i began eating like 3 a pig and gaining weitght, i then turned to ana to cope which only caused more problems and made me fatter then thinner, iw as so happy when i wouldfast for a week..or 3 at atime. it made me feel like i could control everything! and then i turned 13. thingsd got worst i was at 138 lbs! so fat! i then lost it and was back to 90. people noticed and questiooned me. I hid it a little longer until lately i have reached my highest weight of 270. and ana and mia are now in full effectm, i am down to 249 and it has taken less then 2months. i am starting another fast tomorrow so i can reach 230. wish me luck! hehe i hope i become a member, thank you! and good bye ;] findinqbeba@aol.com
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Renee's Story

starting since i was 7 years old i was never comfertable with my body. i was teased all my life about my weight. even when i was 90lbs theyd still call me fat(didnt get down to 90lbs till later on). by time i was 8 years old i was writing out diet plans and writing out excersising plans to swim x amount of time and do the aerobic tapes we had at home. then i had turned 10 years old and i started making myself through up after eating anything fattening. i would flush my super down the toilet and pretend i was eating. at the time i was still fluffy. i never understood it no matter how little i ate i still remained chunky. then when i was 11 i was raped for the first time and the guy passed onto me mono. i was sick for a few months. i wasnt hungry ever and the sight of food sickened me. i ended up losing weight so quickly. so i kept playing out being sick for a year and had lost 60lbs within 6 months. i was so happy i had gotten thin but no matter what it never seemed to be enough. now over 6 years have passed and im still anorexic. i use dieretics and pills and lax's. recently i was forced by someone i was dating at the time to try and recover so i put on some weight and ive never been more miserable. so im working everything off now. there has been many events through this long journey and many reasons i am who i am, and do what i do. alot is very personal. so i wont be writing it. but baisicly i do this for control, for an image, for the empty feeling, and as my own personal escape/drug. if that makes any sence. x_solve_et_coagula_x
@hotmail.com
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Brittney's Story

When I was in third grade, I got real sick with amonia and bronchidous.(SPELLING??) Anyway, I was out of school for two weeks and when i came back to school, everyone told me how wonderful i looked. I had lost a massive amount of weight because of throwing up. I was also on the verge of becoming an elite baton twirler and people at the studio told me how great i looked as well. At the time I hadn't realized that i even lsot any wight. When i started twirling better and getting more compliments, I was scared I would get fat again. So, I became anorexic. This continued until 6th grade when I quite baton twirling. I started running track in jr. high and wasn't really concerned about my weight but defaintly was kept an eye out. When i entered high school, I started running cross country. I have a history of being obsessive compulsive, so, I did two, or even three a day practices along with tons of crunches, push-ups, and circuit training. I'm 5'6 and my weight got down to 115 at the time. Unfortunately, I kept breaking bones in my legs and feet near the end of my cross country season in 9th grade. I ended up getting surgery. During this time, i became very depressed and started binging. When i finally recoverd from the surgery, i went back to running. It was now my 10th grade year and cross country season again. But, i still kept breaking bones. The doctors said I would never be able to run again. Heartbroken, I continued my binging until now.(still in 10th grade) I gained 30 Pounds!!!!! I hate myslef entirely and recently started ana again. I would love to reach 105 pounds, but i know i won't be happy there. That's my story!!! droyemenheiser@juno.com
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Kate's Story

It all started three years ago when I started to worry about the way I looked. I thought I was fat and ugly. I started to skip meals and then go anywhere from two to six days without any food. I would lose weight, but right when I started to eat again, I would gain. I then would get really furstrated with myself. I am known as an emotional eater and so being depressed along with trying to lose weight didn't really work well. Finally this last May I decided to finally lose weight the right way. I started to eat normal sized meals, and they were healthy, and I started to exercise everyday. The pounds started to shed off. When I got to 129 pounds, school started. At first I was really pleased at my progress and loved how I looked, but in about a weeks time, my whole perception changed. I started to skip meals again, and my exercise picked up. I dropped to 117, and then my parents found out about my problem and so I started to eat more, so they wouldn't put me in couseling. As winter came closer I stopped exercising, but was still skipping meals. In mid-December I started to cut. I felt that this needed to happen because I needed punishment for my bingeing. Now I am starting over again, I am up to 130 again...so gross. I would love to be 104 or lower. I know that anorexia is a struggle and a personal thing, but I have come to this site to find support to help me get through the low points. katie_huxman@hotmail.com
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Tiffany's Story

well my story is off...idk if anyone can relate to me, hats why i am here. i am so fat and ugly...i know if i were just thinner i would be beautiful.. when i was in the sixth grade i was thin, it was my first acknoledgement of ana. i completely stopped eating, and ended up breaking my wrist. but i couldnt eat...i had to be thin. then i started with bulimia, i was addicted to it...then i did both, i would not eat for weeks then i would binge and binge the purge....it was vicious...but now i am a senior in high school...and ive acepted that i am the way i am...it took two suicide attempt along the way....but i am accepting of it now...the only thing that gets me down is that no one understands me....me and my mom get inot fights about food all the time...i just want to end up like my family. they are all fat...doesnt anyone understand?? veggiegurl86@yahoo.com
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